Presure

[~ProPaiN~]

I've fallen
they thought I couldn't get up
Left swollen
they fought within me, I swear it was a set up!
90s casualties left lot of us in bad memories;
Livin' in insanity propetry.
Used us bad like profanity and probably if we remain numskulls we'll for ever be livin' in poverty.
4get you,remember me; wit' personal plans to open:
Knowledge collage in some nomanslands cottage/
Far off the coast I was!
Am lost_ lost lacking unities advantage
Still I manage kool kalm and kollectively
I paste my way up, and only FAM helpin me!
4get you,remember me; wit' personal plans to open:
Minds power plan, body pressure pand; it'll take a souls search to understand what am saying mAn!
...
time ran out on me, and I ran out of time, so am gone...

[rule]

that was a good piece...i felt the vocab was pretty good an sence was good, i liked it keep droppin peace

[Smooth JT]

Word flow was good, nothing bad about it, keep droppin peace

[~ProPaiN~]

Thnx UUPPPPUNNN

[Illus']

Overall nice poem....

It had a little complexity ,..Flow..Meta's...

My fav lines:

"Livin' in insanity propetry.
Used us bad like profanity and probably if we remain numskulls we'll for ever be livin' in poverty"

In to disect it..."Used us bad like profanity" Good Metaphor much props...

U still suck lol..j/p...anyways nice well constructed piece...

My only critique...is that the line I picked to be the best...U should come like that with every line....nice work PROPAIN...

IJL...

laters...

[~ProPaiN~]

^^^^^^^^GANGSTUH

[Varentao]

Kind of unusual. The way you wrote made it seem like you were trying to stay away from some old cliches. Trying to portray it in a different way. It did bring with it a certain personal element. Personal and raw.

I don't really have much else to say about it. Except i felt you stuck too tight to what i said above sometimes. Which is both criticism and praise.

..resp...

[~ProPaiN~]

^^I have read some of yo stuff and u posses mad poetic talent

........thanks for your feedback


Respect!!