Life is Amazing 'will rtf' thanks

**Artice** · August 5th, 2010, 04:41 AM

This is the first version of this song, so I already know that a few parts with the doubles is off. I am going to re-record this with a girl I know who is singing the hook. A couple parts will be re-written. But I just wanted to get a feel of the feedback for any tips. I will gladly rtf if you leave me a link, thanks.

[SOUNDCLICK]9481492[/SOUNDCLICK]

lyrics;
Hate lies & baggage drama Imma bagit
red tag it, drag it, then imma stab it
Throw it in the river you can call me luggage killer
Im movin on so I can get my own
Nobody goin stop me while im traveling the road
Johnny appleseed breeding a new leaf a new seed
memories try draggin me from reality
Oxtytocin coursin when we intercoursin
kissing your throat n hopin your love potion is an endless ocean
how im copin close to fallin not floatin
tossin gin down faster than oxygen
our love explosive like hydrogen
peroxide my eyes so i see no more lies
ive been one to stick my neck out for someone else
found myself in a guillotine felt fucked
next time find me hidin in a guilly suit quick 2 give tha boot
i let you borrow cash smoke hash gettin shit on catching diaper rash
trick or treat tricked me now im bringing sweets
suck on these sweaty cheek wrecking dangling jewels
part of the same plant seperating to survive like vine
connected by the same pipeline to our source
misinterpreted incorrect somewhere in life we strayed out of check

chorus (needs to be recorded still)

Situation critical keep casualties minimal
synnical to the investigation
internal destination she asking me if i cheated or not
bitch you acting crazy a lot I pay the bills
you sittin and chillin with your homeboy dylan
reason to believe that your the one telling the lies
friends feed me information of the other guys
perfect timing aligning the cameras, while my eyes spyed
giving him head lay in the bed what is that you do
bodies collide on the side must of been a magic ride
check the arithmatic you was all over his dick bitch
algorythm proved it magic stick abused it
Lifes like clap on clap off till some drunk asshole
decides he wants to jackoff act tough and stand tall
whoever gonna stand small better learn to play ball
whether emotionally or physically they creating a penalty
selling me bullshit I aint feelin it
Life hasn't been going my way
guess ill stay maybe see a brighter day
what game you gonna play maybe you goin take a risk
why you playing sorry apologizing and shit
what you saying replayin im lion taming
thoughts in my mind blazing
thank you lord cuz life is amazing

chorus X2

links: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...782/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...934/index.html

**amoneybeats** · August 5th, 2010, 10:17 AM

Im def feeling this it is good for the first draft. Just work on getting the doubles right and getting chorus in there. Overall a good song can't wait to hear the finished product. By the way have anyone ever told you that you sound like Mannie Fresh from back in the day! Keep doing your thing fam!

**HHBLyrikcha** · August 5th, 2010, 11:35 AM

Beat: 6.9
Flow: 7.8- was on point, liked how u switched up
Projection: 7.5- could hear what u sayin real good
Emotion: 7.0 - u kinda sounded robotic and shit
Mic Presence: 7.2 - ur energy was straight
Lyrics: 7.3 - it was decent
Quality: 7.9 was consistent, no clicks or pops

LYRIKCHA SONG METER
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
1____2____3____4____5____6____7____8____9____10

UR SCORE IS 7.3

RTF
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...890/index.html
or
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...674/index.html

**Keeby Swaggz** · August 5th, 2010, 05:36 PM

this beat is aight... not feelin' it too much... your presence is good, delivery is strong... flow is on point and lyrics is straight... gotta kinda DZK sound... this ain't bad yo... finish it up...

**Artice** · August 5th, 2010, 05:36 PM

amoneybeats- Thanks, and no I have never heard the mannie fresh thing. But word thanks for the feed.

HHBLyrikcha-thanks for the breakdown it's cool. And I can't wait for you to rate the finished version.

**Artice** · August 5th, 2010, 06:11 PM

keeby- thanks for the input and I have no idea who DZK is. leave me a link to something I will peep it.

**10fingaz** · August 6th, 2010, 12:05 AM

No disrespect, but ur voice reminds me of Pitbull lol. Need to work on your flow a bit more, beats not good at all, pulling the track down. Delivery could be tightened up a bit, good drop tho

**RobbieAnthem** · August 7th, 2010, 12:56 AM

Its alright. The beat is different but not in a good way. I like your energy and flow on the track. The girl singing on it is a good idea. I cant really rate the chorus since there was none. Keep workin on it.

**Artice** · August 8th, 2010, 06:01 PM

word thanks for the feed leave me a link to rtf

XM · August 9th, 2010, 12:17 PM

Not really feelin the production, ya flow is cool, ya sound is pretty...ummm...basic guess i can put it like that, you have a good amount of pressence tho, but song wise I'm not really diggin, the concept is ok but the execution of the verses aren't hit'n like they should. Keep droppin