Countney:死悪夢

[xHaveHeart]

Something short but sweet.enjoy.

You lay there beside me,in the dark of the night.
The cold breath trickles down the skin of my neck.
You seem so close but to distant to touch.
Your in my mind,but have no place in my heart.
The stare from your subtle blue eyes,
will never cease until I'm grasping my last gasp.
Words never uttered,you'll never leave my side.
Take a holdof my life,since then I've quit dreaming.
The job you intend,you have definatly surpassed.
Now go to sleep my little nightmare.
I'll love you till I reach hell

[xHaveHeart]

maybe this should be in poetry but o well!
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...877/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...333/index.html

[Johnny 6-feet]

Yeah it should but ill review this anyway. You conveyed your feeling for this girl well, you used short simple descrition to illustraite all the things about her that appeal to you. You implied a real mental connection to the girl too. I think you should try penning up your view on a subject or a rant, itll be a better way for you to express yourself. Build up your vocab choice a little, pick a good topic and go.

Keep posting, and plz rtf.

[xHaveHeart]

anyone else review this...

[ReynoC]

nice drop i thought not much more to say seeing as i dont know how to critic these

[Moonkloud]

Konichiwa,

I like this peace but its not like the others i see here,

Take a holdof my life,since then I've quit dreaming. - good line
You seem so close but to distant to touch. - I felt this before

Over all nice job
Keep Getting up !