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Thread: I have a story to tell...

  1. #1
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    I have a story to tell...

    I have a story to tell.

    I miss you...
    But still I wish -
    mom was a miss.
    Faking affection,
    rejecting connection
    touch hands -
    hold me close...

    Push me hard,
    I have fallen again.
    Deeper into this cut,
    a hole in my soul.
    A million hearts
    wouldn't beat a love
    strong enough for you.

    I'm weak...

    Other brothers snicker -
    but I need sugar,
    give me candy bars.
    Under the lighted tree,
    an empty box, for me.
    An empty box for you,
    cancer sticks pounds
    your lungs are dented..

    Our meetings
    subtle, no meaning.
    Awkward hugs
    inspiration forced.
    Absentee's
    asking me,
    what’s happening.

    Confused twisted
    my mind is tangled,
    our lunch never
    showed up.
    I waited patiently,
    no nurse,
    no paper sheet.

    I missed you...

    Where is this going,
    I remain...
    removed,
    rejected,
    abandoned -

    our lives, far apart.

    An orphan
    a mothers boy,
    a fathers denial.
    My blue jeans
    still haven't faded.
    But you have...

    Close to home,
    knocking on doors,
    the answer
    is lost forever.
    Digits dialed -
    heads ringing;
    picking up
    with machines...

    Maybe it's me?

    I use you,
    tools bend to often.
    Accompany me,
    glasses -
    I see nothing.
    Frameless,
    lens-less,
    friendless...


    A decade or so,
    avoiding pain -
    drug use,
    another excuse.

    Your joints
    don't bend,
    stiff...
    I should've known,
    you can't reach out -
    I'm just at finger length.

    Unconditional
    embarrassment,
    harass our pasts.
    Family names,
    bullied, words
    break over pride;
    no stones are 'just',
    twigs of concrete.

    'If...'

    Two letters,
    almost alike
    forming wonders.
    I wonder:
    what if,
    it could be fixed;
    what if,
    it was different;
    what if,
    a love was lived.


    But,

    Knowing ways
    of these
    lonely days,
    I slowly pace.
    Too bad
    my dreams
    laced together
    a phony face.

    Toss this in
    my closet -
    hide it in
    a boney place.

    Your frame
    a skeleton.
    Brain, powerless.
    Potty mouth,
    needless to say
    you're full of it.

    I am content,
    with only growing
    the facial expressions,
    bearded time.

    Another month,
    pocket-less change
    like a spent dollar.
    If I had a penny,
    for you...
    I'm broke, still begging.

    Man,
    or should I say;
    stranger...

    You've left me,
    bed time stories
    full of fictional truth.
    But those -
    better left unsaid,
    so you did...

    Escaping the wound,
    a prison, a new beginning.
    You didn't help me,
    not even a lift.

    Keep me from reality,
    I need dreams
    bright infront -
    headlights on high beam.
    You've robbed my hope,
    it is too bad,
    call it counterfeit.

    I'm gambling,
    I bet...
    you want the best,
    thus ignoring
    synthetic fear.

    Forge me another one,
    dumb it down
    water is soluble,
    drown me in lies, again.

    Dad...

    If lies were love...
    only
    If lies were love...
    Last edited by Jon; November 23rd, 2008 at 10:35 PM
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  2. #2
    as ain't Jamhuri's Avatar
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    Awards Haiku Season Champion

    Re: I have a story to tell...

    wow. Long one, but enjoyable still. I guess i relate to the poem in some way. I have an absentee 1 too. He's in hospital right now, pretty critical state and its funny how the need for his nods dont wane with his waning.
    Knowing ways
    of these
    lonely days,
    I slowly pace.
    Too bad
    my dreams
    laced together
    a phony face.

    Toss this in
    my closet -
    hide it in
    a boney place.
    tasty. put a smile on my face

  3. #3
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: I have a story to tell...

    Thanks, uppin.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  4. #4
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Awards PS Champion/IE Champion PC HOF PS HOF PS Season champ OM HOF Legendary PC

    Re: I have a story to tell...

    you dropped amazing. You had some interesting, grabbing, original lines of imagery that just knocked on my skull's door. it was deep, it was moving, it was chalked full of content...There were some places wording could be changed but it didnt kill anything. Your metaphors, similes and wordplay were on point man. Just a good piece!
    Pretty sure I read this in IE so ya... you know

  5. #5
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: I have a story to tell...

    thanks
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  6. #6
    Banned
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    Re: I have a story to tell...

    I apologize for not hitting this up sooner. I really liked the whole concept! I know that you sent this to me on pm but I must have forgotten to get back to you or something. I like how this piece pulled me in, in such a way that was suitable for the emotion that was broadcast in this piece. I really liked your wordplay the most. It was sharp and didnt lack any. i will get at you about that collab later today.

  7. #7
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: I have a story to tell...

    word, I'll write something up for it if I dont have to work
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  8. #8
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    Re: I have a story to tell...

    A good piece from you Jonothan
    You brought a nice concept and played around with some new ideas, to help make this piece great.
    Imagery was nice through out and description was vivid and was brought to the attention of the reader.
    Emotion was seaping from this piece in my opinion, it really made me want to read on and on. Structure was nice and your piece ran smoothly

  9. #9
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: I have a story to tell...

    Appreciated
    Artificial.Intelligence

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