Guitar Solo...

[David P]

As i pluck,
each string;
and feel the sensation,
reminding me of
my history's past,
from the sunny
nights, to clouded
days, i weeped
a sorrow of happyness
then, she crossed
my path of destruction,
asking why was i so mad,
my only answer;
was an escaped breath,
and she helped me up,
from the creek, i slept
on the side of the,
crumbled and deserted road
she might not have known,
but she did indeed;
save my life,
i went east, she went west;
destined to meet,
again on the same road;
then it struck me,
like a lightning bolt
would hug a tree,
she - was my metaphor;
for this instrument,
that i play.
ill call this one,
Guitar Solo.

[David P]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...od-379549.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ro-379584.html

[David P]

Ups.

[David P]

one more.

[Vincent Maestro]

Obviously you're a guitarist...I also think it was very cool how you went about writing this "ode to your favorite instrument"...if seen pieces done with the topic talking about like a 'guitarist' but never like this....
example:

As i pluck,
each string;
and feel the sensation,
reminding me of
my history's past,

the only thing I'd change./....is certain lines were like too short....
made it seem like certain lines were really just filler.

[David P]

Thanks for the feed.
ill keep that in mind.

[David P]

Last one.

[Truth Iscariot]

Dude this was awesome great imagery, although i do think the choosen style sort of crippled your style but i did eventually get into it. as i re-read it i noticed how exceptionally well the last 8-10 lines were written you wrapped it up perfectly i'd say, good stuff Sin.

If you could rtf on my poem Messiah

[Jon]

Heh. Interesting. It didn't suprise me this was a love poem, considering most poems these days are . But you did an alright job, it seemed like a really long run on though, maybe because I'm not used to the structure/style you portrayed. It was mostly weird, but you had some great lines I liked:

then, she crossed
my path of destruction,
asking why was i so mad,
my only answer;
was an escaped breath,
and she helped me up,
from the creek, i slept
on the side of the,
crumbled and deserted road

[Spoken]

Thas was at best of a level minded dude wanting his love for his hobbie to be heard man. props on this i loved how it came about and the metaphors spoken within the poem was one itself as a WHOLE INTERESTING most parts i understand clearly as i myself am a guitarist... love acoustic pickings and strums....

a sorrow of happyness
then, she crossed
my path of destruction,
asking why was i so mad,
my only answer;
was an escaped breath,
and she helped me up,
from the creek, i slept
on the side of the,
crumbled and deserted road
she might not have known,
but she did indeed;
save my life,
i went east, she went west;
destined to meet,
again on the same road;
then it struck me,
like a lightning bolt
would hug a tree,
she - was my metaphor;
for this instrument,
that i play.
ill call this one,
Guitar Solo.

[David P]

Appreciate the feed^,

[Jon]

^^ could you hit my peice "So sweet I got diabetes"?