What a BITCH can Do !

[Skibadee]

**This Is For All The Fella'z Out There, Read and Learn From My Mistakes**

Talking > Right I'm Gonna Show You all what a BITCH can do

~~ I'll take you right the the point lets just fuck the start ~~
~~ Kick back, light up your joint this is straight from the heart ~~
~~ Take a second to listen bout how she tore my soul apart ~~
~~ I'm left with sorrow in my bloodstream, i'm findin this hard ~~
~~ Drivin in a car with lights on full beam, on my last card ~~
~~ She's stuck in my mind eating away i feel like a retard ~~
~~ So much PAIN so much ANGER so much HATE its gone to far ~~
~~ The pub is packed but by the end i'm last stood at the bar ~~
~~ Drinkin tryin to forget, drownin sorrows dont work just gets them wet ~~
~~ how long till i snap? just place a bet, aint gettin happy just yet ~~
~~ now the girl brought me down i gotta get this off my chest ~~
~~ grindin on my teeth tryna bring myself back up to my best ~~
~~ she thinks shes Right lets hear her say what i've got Left ~~
~~ I'd KNOW she's wrong, But Hey The woman knows best ~~

~~ i could easily make every man in the country scared to go near her ~~
~~ every time i see her with one i could smack him an make him fear her ~~
~~ she could always run an hide but she knows i'll always be there ~~
~~ the angers buildin up inside an i'm about to rip but i dont care ~~
~~ she's pushed me to my limits so i gotta let the men know ~~
~~ that a womans mind is an evil thing just waiting to grow ~~
~~ You'll think i'm sour and that i was in love an cant let go ~~
~~ well people have you ever felt your heart hit your toe? ~~
~~ it feels like its ripped tossed up an dropped like a bomb ~~
~~ it feels painfully stripped bossed by a girl that has now gone ~~
~~ these are the words of a man that every day he shone ~~
~~ now feelin like goin the same way as eminems uncle ron ~~

**Dont let a woman treat you the way she treated me, you WILL feel like this^^^**

Uppin feedback / comments!

[noncentz]

significant of nas stayle you placed me righyt there.i can see the events.sadly though the point is made mans errror is to be flawed by woman who conieve.tight peace i liked it alot

[shiznit]

Ill try to give my thoughts about this later....i gotta run really quick...dont worry..ill do it as soon as get back...hang in there.

[Varentao]

Not feeling up to replying to anyone at the moment. I'll reply to it with my comments later. But please, you don't need to PM me (or anyone else) to reply to it. People will hopefully get round to it.

[Content]

Basic Rhyme Scheme Through And Through But
You Provided Us With A Decent Delivery...

The Second Stanza Was a Lot Better Than
Your First One..Thats Right I Said Stanza...

Shiznit Shoulda Said Something Rather Than Nothing At
All..Can I Be A Moderator ~Me be Here Long Time~

Overall This Was A Decent Piece Of Work
..Please Be Respctful And Reply To My Latest
Or Anyone Else Who Has Shown Interest In Your Work

Peace

~Content~

Con-tent..Say It With Me..I Know You Can

[Varentao]

Most definetly had a rawness to it. Well no, actually, cos i could see you tried to construct it with a bit of precision at times. Still, raw in it's own way, and emotions were there.

Must say, i grinned when you wrote "I felt like a retard"..(personal joke..).

But yeah, you depicted your hurt in what one might consider a typical man's way. You didn't try and curb much.

A strong venting piece, quite nicely done. Not as much all over the place as some usually are.

Oh, and don't let that experience cloud your mind too much.

..resp..

[Skibadee]

Thanx people!

Uppin this please !!!

[shiznit]

Shiznit's Thoughts:

Well here's the constructive critism that i promised...

here it goes..

VOCABULARY

>u seem pretty well used simple and plain words...u constructed them in a way that you wanted to just explain whats inside you. Your whole terminology doesnt really help much because it was self explanatory...
>it would been better if you put some metas and some metaphorical stuff in it..so the things that ur pointing out would be soo appealing to read..but either way..ur simplistic construction of words helped a bit.

FLOW
>it was smooth..nothing to improve much on it. U made it a point that the lines corresponds to its flow and as much as possible structured with this with such creativity of its rhyme scheme.. Reading it aloud would help to see if it would be off or not. Props for that.

CONTENT
>alright..i got the too emotional stuff on it. BUt on the way u executed ur words..uve expressed how much ur hurt and driven crazy by this girl..but im hoping that these powerful words wouldnt make ur perspectives change on women...i mean it doesnt mean that this experience turned bad..it would be the same as for the others..nope nope WRONG. Sometimes people are just the way they are and sometimes they change. Women are not same..same as guys...but ill assure you that there are soo many assholes out there...either males or females and just take it easy and be glad that u aint one of them....and try not to be..

OVER ALL

>it was nice to read...gotta love a guy who always bitch about girls...hehehe nahhh...i guess uve expressed ur feelings thoroughly and thats good. nice job!

Rhetorical Insights??....cmon....u know u can drop something on there...

[Ajax 0042]

is a good rop put me right ther loss of emotion flow was good vocab like shiznit said was plain n simple words nice structure n complexity liked it keep elevating