My Own Split thoughts

**Truth Iscariot** · February 17th, 2008, 08:46 AM

My Own Split Thoughts

I Love You

I hate you

You mean the world me

You mean nothing to me

Won’t you come back to me

Won’t you leave me be

Your all I think about

I spit at your thought

Love really is true

Love is so false

And you showed me

I am under your spell

I am slaying your magic

You have me right where I want you

I Have you right where I wan you

And you laugh at this

And I laugh at this

Is it fun to watch me wiggle?

It’s fun to watch you wiggle

Well you can forget it ever happened me and you are through
Never again shall this man dread over you
I Love you and I hate you but i must move on
Goodbye
For Good

Dedicated to my Ex

**Truth Iscariot** · February 17th, 2008, 08:53 AM

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=360951

**Märtyr** · February 17th, 2008, 11:20 AM

Well, I liked the struture. Not much depth into the poem itself. But im sure it's meant to be written this way. Nice

**J Ash** · February 19th, 2008, 06:43 AM

Nice. It was a little vague but I got the idea. It also was one of the more creatively structured pieces I've seen though. You stuck to your theme and conveyed a good solid poem that stayed on topic. I would try to refrain from using such plain description words though.

For Example:

Your Bar-
"Is it fun to watch me wiggle?
It’s fun to watch you wiggle."

My Idea with your bar-"Is it entertaining to watch me suffocate?
It's entertaining to watch you suffocate."

See two simple word changes made your piece more powerful and deeper.

Good idea though and I feel you on the love thing, it's a bitch sometimes.

As Tupac said "Keep ya Head Up"

**Jon** · February 19th, 2008, 09:33 PM

eh, there wasn't much content to it. but then again this is on a personal level so not many people can feel it unless you add detail. But i liked your attempt at something new, it could have been exicuted better, but then again you're not too experianced at stuff like this.. anyways, good job... keep trying.. keep posting..

**Donald Trump** · February 19th, 2008, 10:33 PM

this was very plain, the idea of this piece was good but i felt like you executed bad. <-- very weak word but i dont want to be hard on you. the structure was original and i applaud you on the but next time i suggest you go a little farther with it instead of just writing opposites. overall below average piece