Brain On Drugs.

[Ntalek]

Deprived of rights
self-righteous
mind boggling
thoughts botted in
the fifth as I
taste and smell the stinch
of last night's bong hits
a poisoned soul
blowing the cig smoke
out my nostrils
as if it were a breath
of fresh air.
with a hint of death
a lingering draft over my head
a concauction of happiness
goes down my throat
im in ecstasy.
mind drifts on a solid road
of naked bliss re-routed
by the hatred of life.
growing claustrophobic
to the winds walls.
while taking another sip
of redemption and sprinkling
Harold Washington in my coffee.
Then shooting a little
Larry Hoover in my veins.
After a long night of sniffing some
fresh white lines
from my President who?
yeah he got dat shit dont he!
Smoking !
like a early mourning
in Hell's fire.
while the smoke lifts in the air
as if it were the twin towers
ghostly shadow.
tying death around my forearm
as I inject life.
after boiling over my
troubles. Needing needles
to supress the realization
of the situation.
Bound in my own mind.
My brain is done.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ow-356248.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ly-357073.html

[Ink Poyzin]

this poem is dope, man..

a poisoned soul
blowing the cig smoke
out my nostrils
as if it were a breath
of fresh air.
with a hint of death
a lingering draft over my head
a concauction of happiness
goes down my throat
im in ecstasy.

^ this part is actually my 2nd favorite.. dope..

while the smoke lifts in the air
as if it were the twin towers
ghostly shadow.
tying death around my forearm
as I inject life.

^ but this is my favorite...


overall you did a good job. your vocab, your
metas, and your views.. it was on point.. keep
on writing, man.. i enjoyed the read...


sorry my feed is so short. my girl she just
got done making dinner. so im heading to the
kitchen after this...

[VerbalProphet]

i thought this was a great piece... it had some great imagery and vocab but i thought the flow was a little choppy.... keep it up man.

[Ntalek]

appreciated..ups for real feed..

[Grizbear]

some good terms used here. I rather enjoyed this write, although i don't really like focusing on negative topics. at least, the kind that shows negativty, in anyway, to the body.. lol, hypochondreyact?

[Ntalek]

word...thankx for the feed...

[Ntalek]

tops..

[Grizbear]

Hey, mind r'ingtf?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...31#post6151431

[Dayvid Aimz]

Deprived of rights
self-righteous
mind boggling
thoughts botted in
the fifth as I
taste and smell the stinch
of last night's bong hits
a poisoned soul
blowing the cig smoke
out my nostrils
........Dopeness....ntalek
sounded real sincere like you trying to quit smoking or something....

those lines were my Fav lines....
well-written..great voc.

[Ntalek]

appreciated...

[Orc]

Well written piece man, probably the best I've seen from you. The imagery stood out for me, some very good examples of descriptive writing. Nice concept, definitely used nicely, in an almost metaphorical execution. Structure related to the poem's language, strict and strong. Wording was nice, too. A few words that could be substituted for something better, of course, but the words you did used fit nicely enough. Nice shit man, PLEASE hit up my poem w/ Ledge, lol, no one has.

[Ntalek]

thanks..I'll get around to your drop...soon...upage..

[LedgenZ]

Okay, so, uh, wow...Kind of at a lost for words right now. I had no idea you were this dope at poetry. I mean I can't say it's a surprise, because most of your Open Mics sort of have a poetic vibe to 'em anyways, I'm just shocked that it took me this long to really give you your just dues. But anyway, props man -- you deserve it. As for the piece in particular though, huh...shit! It might have been the dopest drug induced poem I've ever read on RB. Actually, I think it was. The funny thing is I was listening to Lil' Wayne's "I feel like dying" instrumental when reading it, so it sort of helped with the overall effect. Anyway dude, your poem was hypnotic, almost to the point, that it felt like I was getting high just reading the words. Not to mention, from a strictly mechanical and literary point of view you did a superb job, the wording was perfect, the metaphors concise, and everything else just seemed to fall into place. This was an excellent piece scud.



Favorite Lines:

a poisoned soul
blowing the cig smoke
out my nostrils
as if it were a breath
of fresh air.
with a hint of death
a lingering draft over my head
a concauction of happiness
goes down my throat
im in ecstasy.
mind drifts on a solid road
of naked bliss re-routed
by the hatred of life.
growing claustrophobic
to the winds walls.
while taking another sip
of redemption and sprinkling
Harold Washington in my coffee.
Then shooting a little
Larry Hoover in my veins.
After a long night of sniffing some
fresh white lines
from my President who?
yeah he got dat shit dont he!
Smoking !
like a early mourning
in Hell's fire.

^Goddamn, the imagery was sick! And I mean...just sick, sick, sick! LOL@the Larry Hoover line...psssh...Southside niggas. Anyway, there was a lot of subliminal drug metaphors and wordplay littered throughout this piece and you worked them well. Once again, props fam! Pz

[Pacino]

Alright soo.... your metaphores and similies were really great in this piece dude. I really loved a lot of them. Like "tying death around my forearm" and "boiling over my troubles". Just the way you ha those worded were really impressive. The Imagery of it all was beautiful, really liked the imagery of it. As a poem, I thought it was like 100x better then any TOPICAL piece you've done before man. The emotion was really nice. And the word use was edgy in some of the beggining, but quickly became dope towards the middle. keep writing dude, really liked it.. barely below HoF.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...my-358610.html
My Past Taught me Silence - Fractured and LedgenZ

I promise that if you hit that, you'll have an orgasm.