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Thread: "Keep going; Thats Life"

  1. #1

    "Keep going; Thats Life"

    “Keep going; That’s Life”



    Such credibility, of living in an empty city
    Mind witty, and thoughts of so many
    A woman that’s so beautiful, feelings are gritty
    And a mind of a stranger, yet so pretty
    Tomorrow could be the day the world ends
    Close your eyes, faster then the world begins
    The message sent, commends with your friends
    Because reminisce as long as you can, before it ends
    Close your eyes, dream of thoughts that will go on
    Memorize your favorite lyrics from songs,
    Be careful, if you keep your eyes closed it could be gone
    Keep your head up think of today not tomorrow, and go on
    .
    .
    .
    A life yet so evident, every word counts, as it’s meant
    Take every insult word by word, as if it’s a compliment
    Can’t afford the expensive things, can barely afford rent
    Being invicted, and being kicked out of their apartment
    Life is a beautiful tune, so live on with the remedy
    Throw away all of your stress, with no serenity
    Keep your faith in your identity, its meant to be
    Fall through happiness & go forth to amenity
    Keep dreaming, put your dream forth, and do not stop
    Watching your life style change, and keep dreams on top
    Life your life, let it go on, dream on, keeping going on
    Keep your mind set, and dreams locked, because it could be gone

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    1XRBFL Topical Champ

  2. #2
    Last edited by Infinate Skillz.; August 28th, 2007 at 02:42 PM

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  3. #3

    Re: "Keep going; Thats Life"

    Alright,


    Bump.

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  4. #4
    Banned
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    Re: "Keep going; Thats Life"

    Now this was aiight..
    I liked the storyline it self...but felt that you could've had a more indepth approach..to the topic as a whole..you had some emotion..and little imagery..to me this was more of a intellectual type read..instead of a concept wise drop...you had OK wording...but some spelling and grammatical errors took a bit away in this piece..I just think with a more capativating topic..and better take you'd do alot better..not saying this is bad..cause it isn't....but something just seems to be missing...and as far as the mechanics go...but all in all good read..and props to that...keep writitng..

  5. #5
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    Re: "Keep going; Thats Life"

    Pretty solid, I liked the the general message behind this.. Live in the moment, I suppose is the theme, here, it's something I very much believe in...

    Close your eyes, dream of thoughts that will go on
    Memorize your favorite lyrics from songs,
    Be careful, if you keep your eyes closed it could be gone
    Keep your head up think of today not tomorrow, and go on
    Really good line, there. The scheme was kinda simple throughout this, which kinda was a turn off, I think you should have sped this up. And maybe you could have posted it for SS instead of pulling the no-show act again? LoL, dude, I don't know that you'll ever get back in there, you're like oh for three.

    In any case, the piece was enjoyable and was a good way of putting live in the moment, most of your thoughts about this i agree with.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  6. #6

    Re: "Keep going; Thats Life"

    Lol @ SS part..

    Thanks Eng, leave links i'll hit them up.
    .

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  7. #7
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: "Keep going; Thats Life"

    Oaky...overall the message behind this was potent and a neccassery truth...that we all ignore with great joy and lazing in the doldrums of ignorance or slumber is at times more appealing that actaully Living you life...<---Hal Random brain rant. Anyhow, the piece itself was pretty good, it rhymed good but had some grammatical/spelling errors and the content though good was average, you could have gone deeper, this kind of topic gives much food for thought and you only scratched the surface. Anyhow, good work nonetheless and keep trying.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  8. #8

    Re: "Keep going; Thats Life"

    Thnx,

    Leave links.

    .

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  9. #9
    I'm On Everything Brandon Cee's Avatar
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    Re: "Keep going; Thats Life"

    Damn you for no showing in SS. I am always interested to see what you can do man, you're a big surprise when you try and this proves it. It's a short, but nicely written piece, an expansion in the future could be dope for this, but um, I really enjoyed this. The take was a little played, but the emotion and imagery were quite strong. Some minor spelling errors, but who cares too much about that? I don't. Anyways man, I liked the overall piece, some weak spots here and there, but good job. Keep at it.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...rr-347124.html
    I know you fed on my collab with Eng, but could you hit this? ^
    Legendary Song - Winter Snow



  10. #10

    Re: "Keep going; Thats Life"

    I'll hit up your link in a minute ab0ve, and thanks for all the feed,
    I just need a little more,

    Bump.

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  11. #11
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    Re: "Keep going; Thats Life"

    This was a deep piece, i really liked the first stanza, nice rhyming and message. Everything flowed smoothly except the last two lines, lol they seemed so wack omg... but anyways, the structure was cool, neat shit, u know.. the compliment line was tight, really stood out to me.

    overall nice shit, keep droppin.

  12. #12

    Re: "Keep going; Thats Life"

    Thanks Elemental,

    Bump, lets get like 2 more feeds, then this is done.

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  13. #13
    Aka WestBank Leonidas's Avatar
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    Re: "Keep going; Thats Life"

    Straight drop...The length of the lines were good and the best part was your wording and emotion. I also liked how you were very visual and set a mood for the piece. Only thing I would say is to just make it a little longer and not end so abrubtly. But nice piece...I havent seen anything from you I believe, so this was a good first impression,lol.


    rtf: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=5929410
    Last edited by Leonidas; September 4th, 2007 at 09:40 AM
    RB OG Triple OG

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