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Thread: A Small Acre. [Ghost & TheUnderRated]

  1. #1
    Soule
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    A Small Acre. [Ghost & TheUnderRated]

    IJL
    PRESENTS
    A Small Acre

    -Ghost & TheUnderRated-

    In a dim time alone she stood,
    a stranger of the neighborhood.
    The fear of a past alone did take her,
    in her mind's eye saw a small acre.
    Remembering again the child she lost,
    living the pain at her heart's cost.
    Another mother that had to raise her,
    a glimpse of hope in a small acre.
    Working against the hands of time,
    her soul she lost to make a dime.
    Someone she loved that did forsake her,
    enforced the dream of a small acre.
    Giving all that there was to give,
    slowly dwindled the will to live.
    With sweat and blood and pain to break her,
    heaven's light shown on a small acre.
    Finally the dream was in her hand,
    the deed belonging to the promised land.
    Her hands now shook and pain did take her,
    she gave up life for a small acre.
    The young girl viewed the headstone round;
    tears flowed like rain and watered the ground.
    For years she searched and tried to reach her,
    a mother's love found, on a small acre.

    Through that girl, was the shadow ..

    Through hard sweat and burning sinew a path was made..
    on that small acre, her debt was paid..
    and for every visit a blossom was laid upon the grave..
    of a woman she knew not.... on that small acre..
    Regrets added strength to the character she built..
    As warmth turned to cold and the blossoms wilt..
    What separated their relationship?
    what left her with guilt?
    When separated now by only one small acre..
    She felt the feelings of hatred, but only cried
    she understood this small acre could not provide..
    She stood alone...she stood strong her resolve would not waiver
    Until the day she decided to sell that small acre
    A lonely grave remains forgotten with time
    forgotten was the struggle, forgotten was the life
    An existence returned to the dust that plagued her
    A soul bound forever to A small acre.
    Last edited by Soule; August 25th, 2007 at 04:06 PM

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: A Small Acre. [Ghost & TheUnderRated]


  3. #3
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: A Small Acre. [Ghost & TheUnderRated]


  4. #4
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: A Small Acre. [Ghost & TheUnderRated]

    Ups and ups more.

  5. #5
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    Re: A Small Acre. [Ghost & TheUnderRated]

    Ghost Element-

    I liked you verse it was a nice read
    smooth read nothing complex yet not
    to simple a pretty much nice well
    kept story...a pretty good story ok
    imagery was kept throughout your
    writing

    she gave up life for a small acre.
    The young girl viewed the headstone round;
    tears flowed like rain and watered the ground.
    For years she searched and tried to reach her,
    a mother's love found, on a small acre.
    I like the ending which proves my example
    about the nice flow and good imagery.
    Nicely done.


    TheUnderRated-
    Your word selection was pretty good more
    of my liking. Nice flow throughout the story
    and real good imagery.

    Through hard sweat and burning sinew a path was made..
    on that small acre, her debt was paid..
    and for every visit a blossom was laid upon the grave..
    of a woman she knew not.... on that small acre..
    Regrets added strength to the character she built..
    As warmth turned to cold and the blossoms wilt..
    Nice lines right there. Like the way you describe
    the scenes. Made me grasp a picture in my head
    from line to line.


    As a group you both had different styles
    however in away it complimented each
    other. Which is always a good thing.
    a Story being told by two different
    styles, people,...

    The story content itself is somewhat
    unique to me it reminded me of a Japanimation
    flick ...maybe because I've seen so many,
    take it as a compliment. This story is somewhat
    mysterious yet it's clear...anyway


    A nicely done collaboration
    Last edited by Illus'; August 25th, 2007 at 04:50 PM

  6. #6
    Banned
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    Re: A Small Acre. [Ghost & TheUnderRated]

    Nice collab...

    G.E.-I loved ur part and the elevation is evident..your wording has grown...yet the short syllables made for this to be more of a poetic read..maybe it's just me but it had that type of feel..I loved how you incorporated the relivence to the small acre..after every few lines..it really stuck the imagery in their to the max..and your descriptive choice of wording help'd it more. good use of simplistic vocab to bring out your writing capabilites.

    U.R.- Your first two lines were jam pack with so much imagery and emotion it was amazing...though it may not seem like anything special I sense'd good writing right there...4real..And what i really enjoyed about this collab was the fact that you both had ber different styles..but the relation of the drops were so similar..you rarely see..that now adays when every one has their different takes..but you 2 pulled this one off..I felt that you had even focus between the small acre and the person on the small acre..evenly spliting the imagery between both back and forth keeping the reader's mind at a constant switch...

    overall I'd say this was a very good collab...and props to both writers...especially Ghost....nice write...

  7. #7
    Soule
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    Re: A Small Acre. [Ghost & TheUnderRated]

    thanks ya'll.

  8. #8
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    Re: A Small Acre. [Ghost & TheUnderRated]

    nice piece here. very poetic in my eyes. the flow however kept up nicely. First verse I'm going to say is my favorite of the two because it was structurally sound, though eventually the 'small acre' thing got a little annoying to read. second verse was good but the diction wasn't on the same level to me. simply written piece with a very big heart behind it. i caught on to it and kept reading which made this a great read for me. keep up the writing you too.

    peACE

  9. #9
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: A Small Acre. [Ghost & TheUnderRated]

    thank

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