Lower Casings; ouy speak in a low tone

[Spoken]

Lower Casings; you speak in a low tone FT. Baron

Method
Baron

Lower your anchor, Let the wild dreams free
Run wild like pack of wolves howling with the breeze
Flowing along the bushes, a vivid figure of me
Lullabies of tarnished wishes frail to a mind vacant to see

“Oh Mister Jones, how can I ever be forgiven?
-Run away georgy boy and always remain hidden.”

See what do I see? A pale image from the TV
Rain pouring onto the ceiling that covers my infidelity
Manacled onto a poor trash bin for my year savings
Blading my own thoughts that run dry from my cravings
Ice creamed hailing, fall into mirrored tractions
Contract to react with a burden message to send
Bending my own words backwards to reverse actions
Left in satisfaction for a little man my age to comprehend

I lead a perfect shading of life in a hole
Dark plots with shot clouds, leave me in the cold
Shoulder chip the rest of my fellow mates behind
Satan bargained to wine and dine for a feast of mine
So I shine in recline to define my mirrored self
Peak through the cracked seal, to feel the warm shelf
These emotions that I feel, corner me into a shell
Rolled up my dinner soul, for the dinner rolls to set sail
Show and tell, rail my tracked emotions thin and flat
To touch level with the heart rate, I was left with in the past

“Oh Misses Jones, how could I ever go back home?
-Just turn the other way, trust me its better all alone.”

Why do I always get put down?
Am I not important to anyone who roams free in this town?
What is the reason for this? Tell me the truth
And the truth be told son… “Is that they can’t see you”


This be held, the terrain of broken dreams
Where loud screams and wild dreams all fall to ones feet
Tell me no more, this I cannot bare
The soul feet I wonder with has no ground to spare
The sight of me fading decays on the fall of May…
So let the problems solve their own, come what may…

(Georgy Boy)
Mirror my emotions to see what I mis-take
Too late, I’ve evolved to a creator, a much greater mistake
Bleed on the paper noose, the bad news for others to read
In need of more info?-
…………………… Just turn around like you always did to me
I step closer to Satan as he cleanses my behavior
Turning my white eyes to black to show Satan was my savior
Jesus wept…REALLY? For what reason people ask…
And I simply reply…
……………”Because he solemnly couldn’t stand the task he was given to have.”
Bottoms up my friend, he whispers into my ear when I sleep
Tearing down all my surrounds; I wake... For it was all just a dream

[Spoken]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=327134
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=327208

[vocabz]

This collab was dope... The both of you brought some flame to the shit. The vocab was right on track. Im kinda in a rush right now, so I cant drop much. This piece would definitely sound ILL on audio...

------
This be held, the terrain of broken dreams
Where loud screams and wild dreams all fall to ones feet
Tell me no more, this I cannot bare
The soul feet I wonder with has no ground to spare
The sight of me fading decays on the fall of May…
So let the problems solve their own, come what may…
------

This piece up and down, was just fuckin dope-ness.. Im running empty, so I gotta bounce...

[Forum]

This was a brilliant piece...collab'd nicely...Method...I appreciate your word choice...you don't try to over due it with large words...your style is pretty much direct and straight to the point...the imagery behind tis piece was great as well...but what I loved about it was the twist at the end with it being just a dream....nice...Baron you fit in perfect with your stanza by doing the same as Method and not trying to over due with that vocabI know you possess...all in all this was a great read...and a good collab ....Keep it up..

fav lines

Shoulder chip the rest of my fellow mates behind
Satan bargained to wine and dine for a feast of mine
So I shine in recline to define my mirrored self
Peak through the cracked seal, to feel the warm shelf
These emotions that I feel, corner me into a shell
Rolled up my dinner soul, for the dinner rolls to set sail

that shit flowed flawless right there...

[Spoken]

thanks


bump

[\EnigMatic\]

I hated it

nah it was super dope and as was promised i liked it alot
the dream thing is always like dma nwhen you read it ya know
You kept it complex never really seemed basic which was a plus
the flow of this was incredible and the multis were ther aswell
as the imagery

nice piece guys

[Spoken]

thanks appreciate i bruh

[Tebo]

This peice was good, I could picture it like in a song lol with the:

“Oh Mister Jones, how can I ever be forgiven?
-Run away georgy boy and always remain hidden.”

As a chorus, it had style to it, like a origional style, that made it dope also. The story style kinda changed when a new persons verse came, but it was into the same story so it kept it ''fresh''. I liked it. Hmmm constructive critisism hmmm try more complext words, although it doesn't matter lol... just the best ''constructive'' critisism I could think of. I liked this peice alot.

[Masahiko.]

That was different. I have to say, I didn't like it as much as your poem, but it was good nonetheless. Baron's part was good, and the overall om was good, but nothing stuck out and made me wanna say "WOOOT" you know? The rhyme scheme at the begining bored me, but towards the middle it picked up, making it a lot more enjoyable to read. work on some more interesting rhyme schemes and it will make everyone want to read your shit more n more.. overall it wasnt bad, but cig faith was much better imo. <3

[Boxin Mics]

very dope piece. both of you stayed consistant with your flow.. vocabulary was ok. creativity ok.

I step closer to Satan as he cleanses my behavior
Turning my white eyes to black to show Satan was my savior
Jesus wept…REALLY? For what reason people ask…
And I simply reply…
……………”Because he solemnly couldn’t stand the task he was given to have.”

tomorrow ill quote a lil more but right now im kinda busy. sorry guys. overall you both came dope. nobody couldve done this collab better. keep the good work up..

[Tony B]

ok, nothing major im in disagreement with here. The 1st 2 opening lines you used the word 'wild' back to back. i dont know, it just didnt seem fit for me. Usually i'm not one for capitalizing the first word in the beginning of each line unless it's a new thought, sentence, stanza, w/e but in this case it wasn't much of a problem. in the last 6 lines of the 2nd stanza the flow seemed a little off, like you couldnt quite find the right wording. i never really was a style of baron's style lol i dont know what it is :S but from a lyrical stand-point his part wasn't bad at all. seemed like it took a while for the piece to really pick up and interest me. i've surely seen better from both, i'd say a rewrite is in order

[Tony B]

rtf???

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=329134

[soulstice.]

ach! woe is the simple rhyme scheme, method! you had some good vocabulary words thrown in there, whcih could easily have melted together with some other words synonymous to the words you used, but you didn't seem to reread your piece to check the flow, the emtoion was good though, and the metaphorsm so try and select just the right word to make the metaphors stay but the flow come.. baron, yuou didnt seem to have that big of part in this, but you had some pretty swete inners and a decent link up to the story.. hit up my piece "Prison Sex"

[Spoken]

thanks people appreciate it.

will RTF.

[.:~Digital~:.]

Returnin the favor

As a collab I was feeling this piece to a certain point....
But i'm not sure if i missed somethin other people found.....
Anywayz
Write
I thought your flow was Decent in most spots, except in the 2nd stanza and very last stanza..... This threw me off - i liked the scheme of it all but you just all of sudden changed it which throws the flow off
Ice creamed hailing, fall into mirrored tractions
Contract to react with a burden message to send
Bending my own words backwards to reverse actions
Left in satisfaction for a little man my age to comprehend

Your vocabulary was decent, imagery was ok and creativity varied in spots, I really, and the very last part seemed a forced part of the piece....
Nice job on your part though man

Baron
I couln't really judge your writing since you had such a small part in it but, what i did see it i didnt feel the imagery and again it could have been cuz it was so short - but there was no creativeness in the part, i wasn't feelin this and it didnt throw away from the topic it wuz just very plain....... It wasn't bad, but it was only enjoyable for the short piece that you wrote so all in all Nce job

Back to collab i think you did decent here collab was good - nce job u 2 keep doin what ya do