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Thread: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

  1. #1
    greatest of gods creation urban legendz's Avatar
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    The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective


    I'm a member of the breast,
    that swollen figment of flesh.
    Male I am, with male functions.

    I seek for a love.
    of the taboo variety
    of the esoteric kind.
    The sacred and profane;
    old newspaper clippings;
    with pictures of crosses.
    As Krishna is my witness, that very Krishna.
    ----The phallic undertow of the cosmos.
    I am admonished, I am the seven arms of
    Hate. --- With his head stuck
    in a mine of Columbian Cocaine.

    With praise and prose.
    With praise and prose.
    --- his feet swollen.
    No, drenched in mud.
    Proverbial, wet earth.
    This land be a pentagram,
    Where a man can indulge
    in the esoteric intricacies
    of a courtly love.
    Eve is a banished flower--- Long gone.
    Adam is lover of all things Adam.
    "Lover of Adam," "Judas, the Queen."
    ---the fallen angel demands another whore.

    Will you not satisfy his insatiable hunger?

    Penace for these acts---
    Includes a spot on a talk show,
    --- where the Eve's accost you ---
    with anecdotal evidence
    of your sordid affair with
    that suave, suit and tie
    Half-Latino-supposed Pentecostal
    Clean freak-German bred-Fatherly
    Muscular-Slightly Thin-Mustached
    Parrot shirt enthusiast-Handsome
    Well mannered-Clothed-Married-
    Lucifer admirer-Heterosexual man.

    I'm a member of the follicle
    that bastard child of keratin.
    Male I am, with male functions.
    Last edited by urban legendz; February 14th, 2007 at 10:33 PM

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  2. #2
    greatest of gods creation urban legendz's Avatar
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    Re: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

    Uppin

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  3. #3
    Touch My Beard Extinctor Draconis's Avatar
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    Re: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

    interesting topic lol at the krisna line im not a fan of hindus but back to the feed at the begining of the piece it started off shaky i didn't realize where you were going and it didn't read well next time your writing say what your writing outloud to see what it sounds like as it went on it got better still lots of things you could of went into but you restricted yourself. you show lots of potential and i hope you keep writting and develop your own unique style
    De Kapitein

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  4. #4
    greatest of gods creation urban legendz's Avatar
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    Re: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

    Word, I was tring somthing new, keep in mind I wrote this a couple months ago I've got'n better.

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  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Donald Trump's Avatar
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    Re: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

    this piece was good. the topic was very original and creative now onto the actual piece lol. let me start of by saying your vocabulary was above average is some parts and just average in others. this flow of this was decent i read it all none stop i didnt see any punctual or grammatical errors which is always great because it makes it easier to read. the storyline was good i like the fact that you repeated some things to try to remind the reader it were very helpfull actually overall i enjoyed this piece i give it a 7.5/10 try to imrpve your content and keep writing i love forward to reading more from you. now if you could leave feedback on the piece entitled short poem in my signiture i would appreciate it.

  6. #6
    greatest of gods creation urban legendz's Avatar
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    Re: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

    Word Thanks.

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  7. #7
    Above U
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    Re: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

    Damn...lol this must be an alias; the language and complex theories were crazy, it came at me fast as hell, the tone and wording was perfect and the font changed just produces an omnious setting to the reader; as i read deep into the context, i realized that this piece was pretty damn realistic, not many ppl go into detail about satan, but you did and succeeeded to not break a spiritual barrier that a worshipper would; so you kept to a sense of heavenly religion and honor while exploiting the devil himself, pretty damn clever, i liked it alot...with a few tune-ups this piece and ya skill could be up derre with the HOF...alot closer than i could in Topical...ha tuff man.

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  8. #8
    greatest of gods creation urban legendz's Avatar
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    Re: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

    Thankyou...

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  9. #9
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    Re: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

    bump

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

    This piece is hot right here, definitly love the style of this.

    We need to get on a piece together and tear the OMs up.

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

    werd this was definitely an incredible poem. your the first one i seen with no punctual or grammatical errors, lol. and the only thing i can really say is.. to improve your content a little bit. overall it was nice and smooth. im impressed.. seein' a board that carries as much skills as this... ill be checking for more of yours ASAP.. keep the good work up, man.

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  12. #12

    Re: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

    this piece was decent. overall i didnt see any errors. the structure was decent. as i was reading deep into it.. you went into alot of detail about satan. keeping it a nice and smooth read. you did a good job, bro...

  13. #13
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    Re: The Devil Deserves A Better Adjective

    thanks for all the love folks i'll be dropping a new piece soon

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