Baron P Vs .:~Digital~:.

[P. Mortuus]

Yup Yup

Topical= Another brick in the wall

Lines: 16-26

Time: 2 hours (Check in- whenever, but time starts from this post for both)

Yup G/L

[.:~Digital~:.]

Ight check-in good luck

[.:~Digital~:.]

http://d.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/rids...r502249211.jpghttp://www.phil.uu.nl/staff/rob/texts/rania_al_baz.jpghttp://www.masters-of-photography.co...n_dead_man.jpg

Another brick in the wall


A brick was placed in an organized wall
For every sin that a person would draw
The letters VMB stood for our god of savior
A god who would cleanse the sould of a traitor...

I heard a scream walking towards my shelter
I saw a man with a woman, and i stood as he felt her
I went to help her, and was worried and panicked
As i seen my life ahead of me, then the image vanished
As he ran towards me, I tripped over a rock
As i hit the ground, i had heard a shot
I seen the man with a gun, with smoke in the barrel
My mind went sterile, as i felt a bullet hit my marrow
My back went into shock, and my body was helpless
As the man stood grinning, as to be selfish
The other woman ran and jumped, hanging on to his shoulders
The gun went towards me, as the man fell foward
He got up and began beating the woman aggressively
His grin was big, and his impressed look was testing me
I slowly moved my hand over the gun as my fingers wrapped the trigger
As i heard someone behind me, my mind painted a figure
As i seen VMB swoop and said you have committed sin
But you also risked your life, so live and let your journey begin...

My mind tired, but my feet still walking
The sun was torcherous but i kept stomping
3 Bricks i carried for the murder i hauled
As it was worth putting another brick on the wall

[P. Mortuus]

Another brick in the wall…

http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:..._small_dof.jpg

Rashly inhaling dust particles searching for oxygen
the lack of it, makes me queasy- uneasily efferent
enthralling the scenes as if I was a passive being
busy trying to exit the feeling of invasive freeing
from the body, I tackle back the rhapsody of death
smoke slithers in depths in my lungs with each breath
leading invitingly to end my fight for what was sacred
Acrid with dead legs, dread led me to scream out instead
of trying my best to unlock this lock on top my chest
I never wanted in, always kept away from the beginning
sinning, with women as objects- stock figures singing
me tunes of get rich scams or schemes now locked seeing
a black wall, yet one rectangle of light mangles my sight
feeling pain yet delight, could this be God believing
I should be given a chance of freeing my soul from plight

Spied me with his wife
a minister, shamed he tried
to talk sense
I took it for nonsense
Intensity cause to mock hence
was too late to show grievance
now wilting as a withered incense

Calling out aloud to signal I’m stuck in a shroud
of brickwork, I see him come closer, near about
close enough, “Help me sir! Hear my call!”
If he had said anything…
It was blocked off by another brick in the wall

[P. Mortuus]

Good luck and good battle, now Bumpty^

[youngfire]

>> im lost what the hell going on here??

[P. Mortuus]

It's a topical battle.

[.:~Digital~:.]

Bumpty Bumpty..leave links

werd

[.:~Digital~:.]

seriously lol - its like nothin yet....... but anywayz uppin this for sum votes- or atleast feedback from those who cant poll --

We both will return all the favors honestly as we stated above

[KayBori]

Another brick in the wall


A brick was placed in an organized wall
For every sin that a person would draw
The letters VMB stood for our god of savior
A god who would cleanse the sould of a traitor...



My mind tired, but my feet still walking
The sun was torcherous but i kept stomping
3 Bricks i carried for the murder i hauled
As it was worth putting another brick on the wall
[/center]

i loved this honestly, it flowed wonderfully and it was so wel thought ot i just loved it i cant say more!

[Forum]

This battle was meh....but basically one sided by the more experienced writer...

Digital - your drop was good but lack in areas like..imagery...emotion..and wording...grammatical and spelling errors.you had the better take on the topic of the two but Baron just worked his better...though that played a lot in my final decision you should really take your time when doing topicals because all of that matters...

Baron P. - yet another dope drop...your first line drew me in with the imagery provided...you put the storyline together well...the flow and content was consistant and never lost at any point in time..and it just seem'd like every where Digital lacked were your strong points...and therefore my vote goes to you....

v- Baron P. for above reasons.

[HighEngineChief]

Both Pieces had their own quality but I was feeling Baron's more, I think his verse was more imaginative and the words he used appealed to the sences, although I think at the beggining it was a lil over done, but as you moved to the end it began to balance out. Kinda reminded me of a story by edgar allen poe were a man locks another man in a wine cellar and bricks him up alive, it was a very good story. Anyway, Digital, I liked the face that you came simple and still got a very dope verse across. I think your subject matter was actually more dee but the words werent, and I need more of a visual. So for that I give it to Baron

[P. Mortuus]

YupUp^

[.:~Digital~:.]

Werd thanx 4 votes uppin--- plz vote - and ill get around to Returnin the favor - but i was workin on a battle track so i havnt had time today plus was busy wit a cuzins birthday

[.:~Digital~:.]

Uppin
. .