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Thread: The Discouraged Envy

  1. #1
    Underdawgs on top Tebo's Avatar
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    The Discouraged Envy

    His favorite thing was not his talent, for that his envy got dramatic. Infact because of this he could not manage, life, make money, pay the taxes. Disatisfaction dwelled upon him like a handicap at a disadvantage. What made him happy only speeded up calicys, stress, ageing, do the mathmatics. Antics he had could not dare try, even though his passion... it left him terrified. Mortified for years of failure... paithed the way to a alluding disguise. Re energized every morning until he knew he was the same 'ol guy, with a broken dream that not even Martha Stewart could seam. Demeaned as what he wasn't, beleived by many he mumbled... being someone he wasn't left him troubled. Doubled the pain each day & everyday the same struggle. He would get ideas in his head like a cartoon bubble, to be popped each time cause he was too miserable. Not able, to have what he wanted, he looked down on himself & taunted, smerk remarks to himself like his firey soul had departed. Only to be re started, when he remembered his dream... to wake up un guarded. Bombarded... he was 35 years old, days like this they came & they'de go, he always remembered though... How he could of been what he wanted instead of taking the easiest road. Has your curiousity erose? As to what his dream was... the purpose, of this voyage dispursed? Dreams murdered? He could never be what he dreamed for, for he DREAMED to have courage.



    I dunno, there is a message here... you can envy shit, you can be a chump. Cause you won't go past that, or nowhere without courage.
    Last edited by Tebo; February 24th, 2007 at 11:27 PM

  2. #2
    Underdawgs on top Tebo's Avatar
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  3. #3
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    Re: The Discouraged Envy


    I thought this piece was gonna be wack, just because the way the bars were all put together. im amazed though, bro... this piece was fucking dope... the multi's werent all that great, but everything else was incredible.... you flowed on topic, and kept the flow energizing... your vocab was on point, too. the overall - dopeness... i plan on reading more from you soon, man....

    Antics he had could not dare try, even though his passion... it left him terrified. Mortified for years of failure... paithed the way to a alluding disguise. Re energized every morning until he knew he was the same 'ol guy,
    Not able, to have what he wanted, he looked down on himself & taunted, smerk remarks to himself like his firey soul had departed.

  4. #4
    Underdawgs on top Tebo's Avatar
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    Re: The Discouraged Envy

    Thanks man, more feedback is appreciated... This the only peice up of mine I spent MORE than 20 minutes on so... Really want feedback.

  5. #5
    Im[SUPER]sOnIc.gEtExCiTeD KayBori's Avatar
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    Re: The Discouraged Envy

    Quote Originally Posted by Tebo
    His favorite thing was not his talent, for that his envy got dramatic. Infact because of this he could not manage, life, make money, pay the taxes. Disatisfaction dwelled upon him like a handicap at a disadvantage. What made him happy only speeded up calicys, stress, ageing, do the mathmatics. Antics he had could not dare try, even though his passion... it left him terrified. Mortified for years of failure... paithed the way to a alluding disguise. Re energized every morning until he knew he was the same 'ol guy, with a broken dream that not even Martha Stewart could seam. Demeaned as what he wasn't, beleived by many he mumbled... being someone he wasn't left him troubled. Doubled the pain each day & everyday the same struggle. He would get ideas in his head like a cartoon bubble, to be popped each time cause he was too miserable. Not able, to have what he wanted, he looked down on himself & taunted, smerk remarks to himself like his firey soul had departed. Only to be re started, when he remembered his dream... to wake up un guarded. Bombarded... he was 35 years old, days like this they came & they'de go, he always remembered though... How he could of been what he wanted instead of taking the easiest road. Has your curiousity erose? As to what his dream was... the purpose, of this voyage dispursed? Dreams murdered? He could never be what he dreamed for, for he DREAMED to have courage.


    I dunno, there is a message here... you can envy shit, you can be a chump. Cause you won't go past that, or nowhere without courage.

    You say you spent 20 mintes or so on this and it shows, really well flowed I thought I'd get bored becuase of the story format but I was pleased with it and it worked for your piece. Greeat all around good keep it up!

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  6. #6
    Underdawgs on top Tebo's Avatar
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    Re: The Discouraged Envy

    Thanks.

  7. #7
    Underdawgs on top Tebo's Avatar
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    Re: The Discouraged Envy

    bump...

  8. #8
    Underdawgs on top Tebo's Avatar
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    Re: The Discouraged Envy

    bump

  9. #9
    Underdawgs on top Tebo's Avatar
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    Re: The Discouraged Envy

    bump

  10. #10
    Underdawgs on top Tebo's Avatar
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    Re: The Discouraged Envy

    bump..../

  11. #11
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Re: The Discouraged Envy

    Closed, 5 up's max. Read the rules.

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