My mind

**Shadow_Lion** · February 7th, 2007, 06:59 PM

My mind...is steel...like the curve or the edge of a razor blade...
Cutting and shaving anything and everything
to create a madness...
retreaving sadness from it's sheathe and cutting into reality
Feeling this pain and slice...everytime someone is mad at me
But It doesn't matter...my mind
my mind is a rock....a bouldier that when someone gets close or
Moves I stop them...like a dam and water
A rock...something unusual...
flat...but at the sametime very unmovable...
A rock...a pebble if you wish...able to skip across water...sleep in water with fish
Whenever I take a dip...that's it no lifting
Walk around...full...and empty...
Always on the ground things hold me down...like gravity is always against me...
My mind...I am like...rain
Able to fall stop...cause floods...stop
Cause mudslides...crops...kill...but...I stop
No clouds around...no strikes of lightning...just rain
The parts of the brain that keep me sustained
To reality and almost able to resist most pain
But when It's sunny I go away
To come back another day and bring forth descruction and hurricanes
PEople speak of my name(Katrina) tsunami...tides...in my veins...
My brain...My mind...I am...what you expect me not to be...But I am forever thinking...and creating...and shaping........my......mind

**P. Mortuus** · February 7th, 2007, 07:02 PM

Okay..firstly you have to get 2 links of pieces that you have left comments on..now the piece itself needs to be tweaked the form is too loose and this affects the structure i picked and lost the rhymescheme at time for one reason or the other and i believe this to be again a problem with the piece. I'd advise you to work on structuring your piece and choosing a rhymescheme before you write to act as a template for your rhyming. Stay up^.