User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: trouble in paradise

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! StoOoOne420's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Saskabush=P
    Age
    36
    Posts
    132

    trouble in paradise

    ... now i noe it aint the best on herre but this my #1 of puttin heart into it... this is deep to me... well herre it is...

    the whole time growing up i always thought things wud b all good
    i never thought things could go shaky, or ever would
    wen did things start to crumble n perish beneath me
    the memories are still there and can never flee
    but the love, the smiles, the words seem so fake now
    we had an unwritten agreement like family vows
    to always love one another for who they are
    and not to go too distant or to stray far
    i thought everything would always be pleasant
    but now we look at one another like the other is a peasant
    mother... why can't you see the hurt in my eyes
    you hide your feelings from me and put on a disguise
    why do you choose to play this role
    like your going to remember when things were under control
    when my whole world was in your hands
    soon i'll be all grown up and going to far off lands
    will you wish you would have made it different
    maybe blown your kisses a little harder as they got sent
    but those kisses u sent with love never reached my skin
    you caught em back before they went to far and threw em in the trash bin
    father... i hate you and everything about you, anything
    i never felt that special feeling of a cling
    between you and me there was always nothing even in my youth
    we just kept it hidden so we both wouldn't have to face the truth
    i know it must have been hard to tell a kid you wouldn't be around
    so you thought it would be easier to take off without a sound
    those words are false to be honest, because you were never there
    even in the beginning as much as it hurts to bare
    i hate you for not being a role model, a support system, a father
    but why do i reminise and think about things that will never be... why bother
    grandfather... i love you more than words can say
    and i dont know what i'd do without in my days
    but theres something i have to announce to you
    you think u have knowledge and think you know best too
    but the truth is, you don't... because you have tried to forget the past
    you have tried to forget your wife who was passed
    i know it hurts more than a pain i could ever guess of
    but just remember shes doing good, up in the sky among the doves
    but you have also tried to shade the present
    before in the future its what you resent
    your son is dying and your not going to say bye...
    because of a dumb feud, you'll end up asking yourself why?
    why you let this go on and things ended bad
    that he left this earth thinking you were mad
    my uncle... i regret not spending your last days with you
    i thought the skies were changing to blue
    now we don't know if you have a month or a day left
    your young life is being taken like its a theft
    i wish these words i hear about you aren't true
    but i noe i have to face the truth and stay strong for you
    my niece and nephew... i pray things aren't like this for you as well
    when you grow up and realize this world is somewhat like hell
    theres backstabbers and liars in each lil valley
    and notorious men waiting in every alley
    brass urself for this world of confused emotions
    of lost hope like a message in a bottle thats floating away in the oceans
    there is hate on this messed planet but also love
    so seize every day and take hold of...
    capture every moment and hold it to captivate...
    dont push the world away for you may regret
    but you two are still so young so dont fret
    my auntie... your the heart and soul of our family
    your the glue that keeps us from the flee
    your an amazing woman and my #1 idol
    your the reason i'd never go suicidal
    jus as u wud b sad for me... i'd die without you
    so stay as amazing as you are and always stay true
    ... beneath all these words i have said to you all
    i noe the important ones are behind me and people i could go to to bawl
    our love is thicker than blood, and i hope you never cross me out
    i hope our love never diminishes and you love me without a doubt
    cuz i'll always be representing the stones!
    even when i am gone, lying in my coffin, jus a pile of bones


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...75#post5481575

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...85#post5481585

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! StoOoOne420's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Saskabush=P
    Age
    36
    Posts
    132

    Re: trouble in paradise

    Bump!!!!

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! StoOoOne420's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Saskabush=P
    Age
    36
    Posts
    132

    Re: trouble in paradise

    ccch i post one that i put alot of heart into n get no comments... but i post one that i only put a half ass job into n u guys all comment=S

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! #1 Syndicate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Mesa, Az
    Age
    37
    Posts
    485
    Battle Record
    0-1

    Re: trouble in paradise

    damn...get a tissue

    does the cry baby want a bottle??? a big ol' dirt bottle?

  5. #5
    . . . Tragedian.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Ontario
    Age
    33
    Posts
    5,982
    Battle Record
    93-39
    Awards 75+ Wins

    Re: trouble in paradise

    Stfu^

    This was decent, alot better than your last, I respect you put your heart into it but there we're still alot of flaws, Your grammar was one, It threw me off at times and alot of readers don't like to read shit with bad grammar. Your flow was forced at times and that threw it off also, But on the good side, you kept going and didn't care about how long it was which is always good from a writer, you did have alot of filler and not really stuck to the story, and I could feel the emotion in this, good job, keep up.
    Empire

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! StoOoOne420's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Saskabush=P
    Age
    36
    Posts
    132

    Re: trouble in paradise

    i stuck to the story=S... n ya i noe i have bad grammar but meh... i dont how my flow was forced but ook... thnx...
    n ya i agree... person stfu

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Similar Threads

  1. Uh Oh... Trouble in paradise for McCain
    By Kris Cain in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: October 25th, 2008, 09:22 PM
  2. My Own Paradise
    By 2hot2handle in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: May 10th, 2005, 08:23 PM
  3. Paradise Gone
    By HoPe in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: April 16th, 2005, 03:34 PM
  4. 'Paradise'
    By FanTa ZeE in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: January 12th, 2004, 02:00 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •