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Thread: All in my own head

  1. #1
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    All in my own head

    The Discovery:
    Age:23

    shadow lurking,many things are creeping in the darkness
    hallucinating, my mind is losing its edge,its sharpness
    many times in the night i hear voices speaking
    the smell of death and blood is constantly reeking
    some say its my drinking,but i think someones out there
    i'm aware,my eyes are open,searching for solitaire
    the air is dense,muscles tense,it dont make sense
    my fears immense,i have no type of defence
    so i wait,sitting as bait,waiting for the right time
    my fate is such a debate,should i conceive this crime?
    the monster,stalking upon helpless people
    an imposter,covered by the darkess of a steeple
    if i uncovered it,no i cant,it might kill me
    i dont decree,not at a leael of danger at this degree


    Living with
    4 years later
    age:27

    I notice,...things,creatures flying with hellious screams
    tattered wings,shattered dreams,as it evily sings
    i see the dead walking,begging and pleading for help
    crys of pain and sorrow are heared as the yelp
    a gift i think not,seeing these things torment the mind
    the darker side of mankind,the good and evil combined
    sprits linger in this world unable to cross over
    like animals herded together in groups like as by a dover
    the night brings doubt,evil intentions wander about
    cruel ones pout,cuz a heart is what their without
    i can feel them,but noone else can see them
    in darkness their sent,thats were there condemned
    not accepted in heaven or hell,so here they dwell
    feasting upon the living souls,trapped as if their in a cell



    Dieing with
    50 years later
    age:77

    age has crept on me,still wittnessing demons kill
    the blood cup fills while humans blood spill
    this life was horrible,wished for one more adorable
    but never seen one,just the one thats deplorable
    unable to warn others,i was just too scared
    so they just lay there unaware,as if visually impaired
    as demons crossed their paths,obvisly not felling their wrath
    and me just awaiting the begginning of the blood bath
    destruction,death,and unhappiness,the way i lived
    the same things occuring since i was a little kid
    i got use to seeing the undead walikng in the street
    now i lay in my death bed,awaiting my defeat
    and just before i die,the demons gathered and said
    "all of this has just been,In your own head."

  2. #2
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  3. #3
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    Re: All in my own head

    Grim.....Your word choice was excellent...the discriptive wording really brought your piece to life... you focused more on the imagery side of it....I think that its good to have imagery so that the reader could envision what's going on but I also think it's better to have emotion to make the reader feel or really get into the actual character portrayed in the drop...but all in all this was a very good drop from you...
    pls...RTF..

    -Forum-

  4. #4
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    Re: All in my own head

    tks uppin.

  5. #5
    Soule
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    Re: All in my own head

    The wordplay was very nice and mature. The Flow was constant and great. I liked the Emotion here, deep and consestent. The Imagenation was incredible and wild. The Creativty was nice bringing out this unique structre. The story behind it was Mos Def perfect duide, loved it alot. I would nominate this peice but theres something missing. I dont know what but I'll read it a few more times to find out. Pz. Nice read man. Keep it ^.

    ~Bell

  6. #6
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    Re: All in my own head

    tks rise up again. lol at missing something. i wanna know what that something is so i can fix it.

  7. #7
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: All in my own head

    Quote Originally Posted by GrimReapa
    The Discovery:
    Age:23

    shadow lurking,many things are creeping in the darkness
    hallucinating, my mind is losing its edge,its sharpness
    many times in the night i hear voices speaking
    the smell of death and blood is constantly reeking
    some say its my drinking,but i think someones out there
    i'm aware,my eyes are open,searching for solitaire
    the air is dense,muscles tense,it dont make sense
    my fears immense,i have no type of defence
    so i wait,sitting as bait,waiting for the right time
    my fate is such a debate,should i conceive this crime?
    the monster,stalking upon helpless people
    an imposter,covered by the darkess of a steeple
    if i uncovered it,no i cant,it might kill me
    i dont decree,not at a leael of danger at this degree


    Living with
    4 years later
    age:27

    I notice,...things,creatures flying with hellious screams
    tattered wings,shattered dreams,as it evily sings
    i see the dead walking,begging and pleading for help
    crys of pain and sorrow are heared as the yelp
    a gift i think not,seeing these things torment the mind
    the darker side of mankind,the good and evil combined
    sprits linger in this world unable to cross over
    like animals herded together in groups like as by a dover
    the night brings doubt,evil intentions wander about
    cruel ones pout,cuz a heart is what their without
    i can feel them,but noone else can see them
    in darkness their sent,thats were there condemned
    not accepted in heaven or hell,so here they dwell
    feasting upon the living souls,trapped as if their in a cell



    Dieing with
    50 years later
    age:77

    age has crept on me,still wittnessing demons kill
    the blood cup fills while humans blood spill
    this life was horrible,wished for one more adorable
    but never seen one,just the one thats deplorable
    unable to warn others,i was just too scared
    so they just lay there unaware,as if visually impaired
    as demons crossed their paths,obvisly not felling their wrath
    and me just awaiting the begginning of the blood bath
    destruction,death,and unhappiness,the way i lived
    the same things occuring since i was a little kid
    i got use to seeing the undead walikng in the street
    now i lay in my death bed,awaiting my defeat
    and just before i die,the demons gathered and said
    "all of this has just been,In your own head."

    this verse is the verse that beat me 5-2 in SS...lol but a nice verse mana nd well put and brought to the table alot of content and deep flow of story aswell as emotion surrounding it and a nice touch of wordplay and little flips here and there but the word choice you came with was the one that one the match for you man.. you had a more better wording and complexed and broadened mind that settled right into play with what you were going for in the battle man you grabbed the topic and settled it into your mind with ease man nice drop and big ups to you til we meet aagin bruh...

    Quote Originally Posted by GrimReapa
    I notice,...things,creatures flying with hellious screams
    tattered wings,shattered dreams,as it evily sings
    i see the dead walking,begging and pleading for help
    crys of pain and sorrow are heared as the yelp
    a gift i think not,seeing these things torment the mind
    the darker side of mankind,the good and evil combined
    sprits linger in this world unable to cross over
    like animals herded together in groups like as by a dover
    the night brings doubt,evil intentions wander about
    cruel ones pout,cuz a heart is what their without
    i can feel them,but noone else can see them
    in darkness their sent,thats were there condemned
    not accepted in heaven or hell,so here they dwell
    feasting upon the living souls,trapped as if their in a cell
    ^6
    this was amy fav. stanza as your word choice in here was excellent and nicely put into gesture man... you got it good and hit it well ballanced..

    nice drop bruh stay up and keep it high with the clouds man flow with it and keep em coming

    ya homie

    -Method.
    Pz.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  8. #8
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    Re: All in my own head

    tks uppin.

  9. #9
    Newbie TRAXX's Avatar
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    Re: All in my own head

    this was a sick topic...i mean i'm not a big topical head or nothin, although it is the best rap IMO besides flat out lyricism /battle styles....but this was ill, your vocab was up there...and you rhymed syllables up nice...the only thing i would recomend is to use more multies to help the flow out because this looked more like a poem in a way....i mean you did use them, but some lines seemed like they could've had them to smooth the flow out feel me....but nice piece man, i was feelin it
    iT's BiGGeR ThaN HiP HOP

  10. #10
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    Re: All in my own head

    rise.

  11. #11
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    Re: All in my own head

    YOU FAGGOTS DISSAPOINT ME, RIDE SOME OTHER NIGGERS DICK... THERES A KEYWORD TO THIS REPLY

    GET A FUCKIN GRIP, GET SOME BALLS AND A COUPLE RESPONSES CAUSE ALL OF YOUR SHIT IS NOT WORTH MY REPLY SO BAN ME SO I CAN FEEL JUSTIFIED SOMEONE ACTUALLY READ MY SHIT.....


    THANKS YOU STUPID BASTARDS.....


    now hopefully some innocent illiterate black soul will respond... oh wait i wont get banned niggers cant read....

    best part about this thread 20 niggers are gonna respond with absolute hate and then im gonna wonder how they had the money to afford the internet unless your little black asses go to the library everyday.... oh wait stop you cant read why you be in the library.

    peace...

    not at all racist....
    is there a reason i cant get away with this if chapelle can i should be able to....

  12. #12
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    Re: All in my own head

    who the fuck is this herb in my damn thread talking shit,...banned.

  13. #13
    .Get Retarded. Floyd Powell's Avatar
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    Re: All in my own head

    This was just an amazing piece. And I really plan on seein' more from ya.

    But this was my favorite...
    i see the dead walking,begging and pleading for help
    crys of pain and sorrow are heared as the yelp
    a gift i think not,seeing these things torment the mind
    the darker side of mankind,the good and evil combined


    Keep up the good writin and i'll keep feedin'.

  14. #14
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    Re: All in my own head

    tks dude ups.

  15. #15
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    Re: All in my own head

    uppity

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