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Thread: - Paradise -

  1. #1
    ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ Taz™'s Avatar
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    - Paradise -

    ......
    Last edited by Taz™; October 4th, 2008 at 07:19 AM
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  2. #2
    ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ Taz™'s Avatar
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  3. #3
    ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ Taz™'s Avatar
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    Re: - Paradise -

    bOO..........!
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  4. #4
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Re: - Paradise -

    dude....all bullshit aside....i was really feeling this you feel? kept to the basics had a great vocabdidnt try to be to fancy or over properly spokenb in this, the flow was smoother' then a babys butt cheek lol....i see u used like ur text style kinda and turned it into a freesty;e freeverse topical written, ummmm the emnotion lagged kinda,barely,by a hair, a thread, whatever's clever ya digg kid, lol *is retarded*, but werd imagery i realy liked dude very descriptive how things such as events, daily activities, the culture their, and also kinda let peeps who aint been there at the phillipeens *speeled wrong prond,,,too long a werd for me* know what it's like and if they ever went there would know what to expect....and u gave your thought s and how it makes/made you feel being there.....only thing reallly like a flaw is ur structure it was fine wasnt stretched.....shut get rid of the /*s and shit keep it regular sentences - (dots) .*s but other shit me not feeling....
    pretty nice here man 7.5 - 8/10
    AI

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  5. #5
    ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ Taz™'s Avatar
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    Re: - Paradise -

    niice, thank you


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  6. #6
    ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ Taz™'s Avatar
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    Re: - Paradise -

    *sob*
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  7. #7
    Underdawgs on top Tebo's Avatar
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    Re: - Paradise -

    i loved this, was excellent.....

  8. #8
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Re: - Paradise -

    My apologies to the thread starter,

    Tebo, fucking start reading the threads you post in, you either know what you're talking about or stfu & dont post in Open Mic. Dick.

  9. #9
    ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ Taz™'s Avatar
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    Re: - Paradise -

    i cudve used some feedback , while u were at it XD
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  10. #10
    Underdawgs on top Tebo's Avatar
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    Re: - Paradise -

    Quote Originally Posted by Issue
    My apologies to the thread starter,

    Tebo, fucking start reading the threads you post in, you either know what you're talking about or stfu & dont post in Open Mic. Dick.
    Cause I say I like it I get flamed? I liked it faggot, there ain't much more to say, I enjoyed reading it, what else is there to say if I don't have suggestions, there isn't specific parts I like I said I liked IT, you must of wrote some shit & I said it sucked or something, stfu Issue, I got a issue wit you.

    It was good, excellent, nuff said...

  11. #11
    ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ Taz™'s Avatar
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    Re: - Paradise -

    thnks i guess.... other feed?
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  12. #12
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    Re: - Paradise -

    Quote Originally Posted by Tebo
    Cause I say I like it I get flamed? I liked it faggot, there ain't much more to say, I enjoyed reading it, what else is there to say if I don't have suggestions, there isn't specific parts I like I said I liked IT, you must of wrote some shit & I said it sucked or something, stfu Issue, I got a issue wit you.

    It was good, excellent, nuff said...
    Actually, im pretty sure you havent checked my pieces, but Ive noticed other posts from you which are utter bullshit.

    Sort it out, or I will have you banned. Dont reply.

  13. #13
    ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ Taz™'s Avatar
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    Re: - Paradise -

    thanks for using my OM as ur pm's
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  14. #14

    Re: - Paradise -

    eh, I understand how you wanted to express your love for this place and whatever.. but it came off more as an ad or pamphlet encouraging travelers to come visit or something. I think with this piece, it would have worked much better to just kind verbally paint the scenery and delve into the natural details of the water, the sands, fresh air. it would have made it more heartfelt rather than having it sounds listy and artificial. this right here, makes me feel like you've never been there. it doesn't say to me that you know this place.. it just makes me feel like you visited, being as you're listing the torrist type advantages, rather than the soulful elements that make this island beautiful. also, you may want to work a bit on word choice. if you touch it up, it'll make your thoughts read more cohesively, rather than here where at time I just skimmed by parts because the wording was so awkward.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324274
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  15. #15
    ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ Taz™'s Avatar
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    Re: - Paradise -

    pamphlet encouraging travelers to come visit or something

    ^ thats actually how it started ... XD


    ny more?
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