Intro to Love; Pain is that good

[...Affliction...]

Intro to Love; pain is that good


As I strayed across the atlas of your body, you spoke in a rear view tongue.
Portraying a deviant gesture; to light a world with your mystical sun
Throbbing, my painful sins, as you grind my dreams to sleep
Slowly yet surely with out knowing, you caused me pain to weep
Creaking below my shadow, tickling my nightmares to laugh
Haunting my pitiful chamber of sanctum, crushing my better half
Blowing tainted kisses I return the favor showing tongue
You smiled and then frowned as you returned the favor with a gun

I quote and I mean seriously I quote…

Now watch in amaze as I deli phrase your anatomy
Gutting your intellect as I skin scalp your brain tactically
Plot your head on a platter, serve it to the poor
Your thoughts not even worth a dime, that’s what I skinned it for
Lecture your diagram as I press on your diaphragm
Then gloat with a smile as I hide you behind the pots and pans.

She was such a sweet heart, with her sweet words of wisdom
Glorying over my thoughts with emotions caressing my heart
Sitting in the corner as I play with the walls of treason with reason
She glides with such a stride that rips my so called love apart
Tapping on my cold shoulder; she warms me with heat
Philistines; she was wrapping her nocturnal appearance with ice
Rippling across my ocean; to tsunami me up off my feet
Creating such a plasmatic blow, the wind had to cover its eyes
The trees grew a whisper to catch attention in distance
Clouds gather to boulder a bolt down a stream of cries
She stood at the doorstep to watch; no one knew her existence
Brainstormed in repentance; clashing thunder swords leaving no one alive

“Time get even harder as she grew darker”

How dare you, I say, for you to try and play
Stand not in my path and for today you may stay
See me test your intelligence and blade you wounds
Clamp down your dreams and leave you cold in a tomb
Bruise your fidelity’s and haunt you in your sleep
Creep in to leave tears that lay with you six feet deep

Calloused emotions gladly charge in a Saturn
Burgundy my grassy area to create a wicked pattern
Plateau a home base surrounded of picket fences
Follicle my love to enroot a pastured essence
Easily broken down and breeched with madness
Gladness is erased as my love dips in sadness it saddens
He who grows a heart was once loved for who he was
So he who dies with the same heart meant to stand for true love
Clabbered mythical doubts, pout in a vengeful drought
Brought out the best in me, as I cloud nine in and out
Counted one to ten then hid behind my pots and pans
Poof I disappeared…
…………….until we may meet again.

“I left in a sudden rush to leave a sudden message”

[Spoken]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323941
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323881
^^
links and im affliction just in case you didnt know

[Tebo]

It was good for a poem, rhymes nice, nothin that hasn't been said but said in a different way, which is good.

[Diversity.]

/\ ehhh?

nice drop i liked the concept very unique you impressed me with the opening lines of the first to paragraphs... actually both paragraphs impressed me. i think that everything was fine until you ran into the third paragraph you seemed to get stuck a couple times and fall off with your flow...
neway for the most part this was excellent great imagery and enough emotion without getting all wet and shit... neway keep droppin this shit and thanks for the response

peace.

[Spoken]

thanks man appreciate the feed bruh

[Spoken]

bumpin this shit up ya heard!.

dont sleep

[Spoken]

bump for feed

[Laureate]

Very poetic, although I think you were trying to come up with a creative word for map and incorrectly used 'atlas'. Unless you were talking about the bone which supports the head but that would be weird...a bunch of grammatical and tense errors throughout, and you didn't pull off the abcb rhyme scheme in the second part...some parts were a bit too cliche (six feet deep)...also need to watch you syllable count when you try to throw in words or phrases for interal rhyming that don't fit (i.e. 'it saddens' doesnt fit in the last part of "Gladness is erased as my love dips in sadness" )

I liked the story and felt is was executed nicely minus the mistakes above.
This was a very good attempt, and you are almost there, keep writing and improving.

[Spoken]

thanks laur appreciate the feed boss

[Spoken]

bump.

[Soule]

The peice itself was nice. I liked the wordplay that you used throught it, very nuice and mature. I thought the Flow and cemestry of the peice were very nice. The Imagenation was clearly here dude. The Creativty was awsome. The Structre was nice and easy to ead. The story behind it all was Incredible. Great read dude, keep it up..Wanna collab?

[Spoken]

yea Bell holla at me and shit ya know

give me a breakdown of a topic then send me your verse along with it when your ready and ill write up my verse ten but no chessy topics bruh send me a PM when your done not right now just send me a PM when your done with the breakdown of whats it about the topic and your verse!

[.Silence.]

This piece right here was a good read.The storyline to open up the piece was real good.The Imagry in this was real good cuz it was easy to picture what was going on in this piece.And the emotion in this piece was ral strong cuz I could feel what was going on in this piece.ANd you also had god wordplay to go with your piece.And you were real creative with the topic.Overall this was a good piece to read and you did pretty good.Keep up the good work.Hope to see more from you soon.

[Spoken]

word son

will be more to come

[Forum]

Pretty well put together piece here...A very good read...the creativity was cleary there..the emotion was packed throughout the drop...and the imagery which stood out because of proper or (good) word choice...the flow was good until like the third paragraph...but other than that this was a aiight read...saw a few grammatical errors...but nothing that really affected the piece as a whole...overall this was pretty good..for me not to have read anything from you prior to your SS verse..I would've said "this guy has some talent.." but seeing that I know that already just keep writing and using yor creative juices to bring out the flow...