Damn... you're whack, son.
Damn... you're whack, son.
Last edited by Onslawt; May 23rd, 2008 at 03:33 PM
This actually wasn't half bad. Better then alot of new members attempts. It was really straight up and forward for the most part. The only thing that made it hard on the reader was capitalizing every word. I would advise you not to do that next time. This would have flowed decently if it were spoken. Just keep looking to expand your creativity and originality. I'll keep an eye out for your progress.
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
thanks man..i could feed like this...anymore??
Upss
This is cool. I liked the fact that you made your point clear and you also had some cool wording in some spots. One thing I need you to try to work on is how you present for one, and two, your emotion and flow. I mean flow is harder in text for some people and for me it's the same way, but try saying it to yourself or something. Anyways, I think you got some good stuff here, maybe a longer, more thought-out piece next time and work on vocab a little bit.
-Gay Bear
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GayBear
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This was an ok read.You have potential alright.As Mindless said don't capitalize the words, its really annoying and puts you off the read itself.Cut those "-" too.It makes the piece look messy and scrappy wehn you want it to look nice and tidy lol, but yeah you have been one of the better newbies i've read pieces from on here.Well done and keep it up
-Dyl
Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
So far so good.....
So far so good.....
So far so good.....
But how you fall doesn't matter
Its how you land
^^Thanks to both of ya'l...truly...i use any feed in good use
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