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Thread: I Don't Know You

  1. #1
    productions :) Paze's Avatar
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    I Don't Know You

    Info to help you understand:
    2 best friends. 1 is on trial for robbing a store with his brother who crashed the get-away car.
    This guy got caught but his brother who's idea it was never.
    -First verse is what happened at #2's trial and gives you #1's account of what happened.
    -Verse 2 is #1's opnion of #2's situation, his visit to see him in jail and gives you a bit of their background like what happened when they were growing up.
    -Third verse is 2#'s account of what's happened/happening. And why things have turned out this way. Bit of an unexpected climate here but you might have figured out what would happen from 2nd verse (since I italiced it)

    Will be made into audio but I'm looking for the right two people and also looking to have a nice chorus probably done by a singer. I've made the beat.



    I Don't Know You


    #1
    A crime is reported then my life is distorted
    He told me he wouldn't steal again, said he bought it
    He didn't just steal that, broke my heart, made a promise
    Thinkin to myself if only his mother could have saw this
    Had a gun, was armed but he said he's never drawn it
    His sentence would have been reduce if he'd been honest
    Evidence at the trial led me to believe me was fakin'
    As the verdict was given I could see he was shakin'
    His brother, behind me couldn't help but kiss him
    Lil' bastard was probably right there with him
    Tried to explain to him, he never listened but I tried
    Five was the years that he would be inside
    I said "You lied me me", he said "He made me"
    Atleast admitting to it would be an act of bravery
    I said "Ask for God's forgiveness, he made you.
    Nevermind, you're state property, not even God can save you"

    #1
    I visited him one time, I could tell he was high
    And by this time he'd only done three months inside
    I said "What you doin' man? Why you gone and used it?"
    He stood up, strangled me, he couldn't help but loose it
    I couldn't breathe for five seconds, seemed like a while though
    He's twenty-two but in my eyes still seen as a child though
    Been four years into his sentence, most served
    He's probably out but no forgettin' this isn't deserved
    Word has it he's livin' downtown and now he's an addict
    His own choice, he can do what he wants, he can have it
    Ever since his mother died I've worried about this problem
    Took him out the hood to stop him and now he's got 'em
    I knocked one hundred times on that door of his
    He's ignored all my phonecalls aswell, I'm bored of this
    He aint who he used to be, he don't mean nothin'
    I hope he has an overdose and just dies or somethin'

    #2

    My brother was a bit of a bastard, he ended up crashin'
    Done everythin' to him, even blamed him for what happened
    At my trial I dont know why he kissed me
    He aint visited me since I got in, he must not miss me
    One of the guys on my block has been actin' all kingly
    I let him do stuff to me for the drugs that he gives me
    I felt trapped here, before now I slapped queers
    But in recent times I really don't care
    I've had three visits so far, two from my cousins
    One from a guy I used to know, I meant to hug him
    Somethin' went wrong, he made me feel like a villan
    I put my hands around his skinny neck, wanted to kill him
    Gave him a message when I got out of the prison
    I know he heard it, my girlfriend made him listen
    By girlfriend I mean I just pimp her sometimes
    But when the drugs don't work I need her talents sometimes
    Somethin' I wont be requiring much more
    I got the pills ready when there's a knock at the front door
    It will take thirty seconds to kick into my system
    The knocking continues, I swollow the pills as I listen
    Last edited by Paze; January 3rd, 2007 at 02:34 PM

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  2. #2
    productions :) Paze's Avatar
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  3. #3
    dreadedfistofthenorthwest
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    Re: I Don't Know You

    Real Good. nice originality and inner concepts. the rhymes although simple make it easy to understand make the flow easy to follow. the structure was on point and it made the entire piece in order. i liked how you put the #1's on the right side and the #2 on the left. increased the distinction between the two. Real good twist right at the end. and i liked how you made it two stories happening at the same time. you told one story and then you went and told another story that happened at the same time. real good. keep em comin.

    -Peace

  4. #4
    I'm wack.
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    Re: I Don't Know You

    Good piece...As said above...

    at first I was a little thrown on what was happening with the first 2 and the beginning of the third...But Great tie in at the end...Good stuff...

    Story was very creative in the fact that you told 2 different sides to it before the reader even knew it...Some of the rhyming was a little simple...But it was overcome by your story and detail...The end just keeps the reader guessing...

    Good stuff...

  5. #5
    productions :) Paze's Avatar
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    Re: I Don't Know You

    Thanks for the feed, cant wait to make this into a song.

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  6. #6
    productions :) Paze's Avatar
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    Re: I Don't Know You

    Up^

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  7. #7
    productions :) Paze's Avatar
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    Re: I Don't Know You

    Ups #2

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  8. #8
    productions :) Paze's Avatar
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    Re: I Don't Know You

    Ups #3

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  9. #9
    Midwest Patriots Da Patriot's Avatar
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    Re: I Don't Know You

    i dont wanna no u!!!!!!!

    dat shit waz tight
    Mak'in History!!

  10. #10
    productions :) Paze's Avatar
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    Re: I Don't Know You

    Quote Originally Posted by Da Patriot
    i dont wanna no u!!!!!!!

    dat shit waz tight
    Thanks man, I'd appreciate some detail in your comment though

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  11. #11
    productions :) Paze's Avatar
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    Re: I Don't Know You

    woww i forgot about this.
    anymore feed from my lyrics wrote a few months ago? haha

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