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Thread: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

  1. #1
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    By: Nash


    Honest Abe, a complete equal to the enslaved
    spent his great days saving the strays
    he cared as a brave would though,
    the guy only saw ONE horrible show
    had his life blown away, just so a storm would grow


    though soon, and much after i fear..
    rain trickled for years, blacks got attacked and beaten
    then the penny was made so they'd relax and believe in ..
    this world that they'd bleed in ..what's a struggle, right?
    keep it tight, living life.. in torn houses.. fearing whites?!?
    without fights for speech, there'd be no talking with pimps
    but isn't it OUR fault that the gangsters walk with a limp?
    rainwater still sprints and dribbles, there's no riddle
    we raped their travels, making an underground grow brittle
    today it's a harsh storm, CURRENT poverty causes far more
    it's now you all see ..what bus and railroad are for

    "find a penny, pick it up ..all day long you'll have good luck"

    but when you find it, you find you're stuck in this crude muck
    it sucks, and it's worthless ..now is our replacement clear?
    couldn't take it out on blacks, so they defaced the penny here
    based on shear experience, I’d say the penny is physically dead
    I’d rather hold a buck in hand ..than this silly luck in my head

    "found a penny on tails today ..so i flipped it for the next finder"

    and it left me with not a damn, proving an in-depth reminder
    below old and wrecked sidewalks, thousands of Abraham’s die
    but above the ground in jars, thousands of them save lives
    it crossed their minds, under the surface they began to weep
    Abraham still suffers, with nothing Lincoln them to the street
    in conclusion, this copper metallic object is stricken to decease
    but as long as they save children and brave the poverty

    ..Abe still breaths
    Last edited by Cody Nash; December 10th, 2006 at 07:56 PM

  2. #2
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    wow, i really liked this. the point was very distinct and it seemed you had alot of effective lines in describing the emotion. a kinda played topic, but yours had some originality. it was well worth the read.

    return feed...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319382
    Nick James.

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  3. #3
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    ^you left that feed 1 minute after i posted the shit, i'm not hitting a link to someones shit that didn't even read mine. seriously, anybody can say "good emotion, imagrey, story was played, have a nice day" ..jesus christ ..

    Link #1
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...39#post5350739

    Link #2
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post5350757
    Last edited by Cody Nash; December 10th, 2006 at 03:45 AM

  4. #4
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    dont forget to leave feed.
    Nick James.

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    Monaaaaaaaaaaaaay



  5. #5
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    feed my brain ..

  6. #6
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    will feed on pieces soon and i will feed on any links that are left in here.

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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    Okay topic. the flow was good but simple. also i felt that it needed some better vocabulary. but i felt the message u were say. fav lines:

    this world that they'd bleed in ..what's a struggle, right?
    keep it tight, living life.. in torn houses.. fearing whites?!?
    without fights for speech, there'd be no talking with pimps
    but isn't it OUR fault that the gangsters walk with a limp

    'the structure was good. easy to read.also the ryhme skeme was on the average side, but i seen better from u. showed sum fair imagry , and good emotion
    keep droping science...peep the sig
    J-RocK

  8. #8
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    uhh thanks..

  9. #9
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    wtf, you faggots ..feed on this, leave me links.

  10. #10
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    i liked this piece,loved tha wordplay and vocab...tight rhyme scheme the story was layed out very nicely....very tight piece..lookin forward to reading more of your pieces..keep droppin tha hottness.~1~


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  11. #11
    Soule
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    Nice,

    The Storyline was incredile. The Wordplay was great and the flow was smooth. I liked the deep emotion you put here, liked it alot. The Imagenation was clearly here or else the peice wouldnt be as good as it is. The Creativty was nice as well. Keep writing Aaron, you'll get HoF sooner or later.

    ~Jon.

  12. #12
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    "find a penny, pick it up ..all day long you'll have good luck"

    but when you find it, you find you're stuck in this crude muck

    ...Right.

    good verse but this wuz a dope idea. crude muck doesnt sound that cool. but its right.

    cool verse tho Nash

  13. #13
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    i'll elaborate on that^


    i dont like sayin anythin about the lyrical content besides props or lack there of (content) because you could of really took what you wrote 2 heart and it'd be a diss, so i dont do that normally, unless i want to.


    k...

    when i read that bar Nash, the find a penny line was a great setup intosomething...
    then it goes... but when u find it, you find your stuck... is good 2... and i know that you gotta limit wordyness alot here but still i felt like the end... crude muck didnt flow that well, tho rhymed nice... and syllabul count is there... but it coulda been a 3 line elaboration... but ur verse wuznt like that which was cool how a bold line stuck out on its on verse type tip, but blended into the whole writ. good job is what im gettin at, but this work still didnt have that allure to me. u kno i dont like ur shit ne ways :P

  14. #14
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    lol 1 more thing... haha i dont like edits cuz i spell words wrong that i try 2 spell right so if i fuckup on something i can fix... it'll look worse... neways


    the find a penny setup i was talkin about.... could be a setup for a punch... cuz u expcted to pick it up and get lucky... u kno.

  15. #15
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: The Story of Abraham: and the man who holds him

    but this isn't a text battle ..it's a topical ..don't read them in punch form, read it as poetry and rhythmatic shit rather than bullshit ..

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