A Whisper Brings Death

[Spanche]

Death by a whisper
The Diary of a Spanish Conquistadors


The Most Powerful Warrior
Can Take a Life............
..................without landing a strike

Birthed from the ocean, intentions of bringing ends
bringing fatality to reality, but acting to make friends
with the spanish mission with ambition laying waste
we lie to fry their flesh and we decieve with a shake
seaching looking for frailties, as they treat us as dieties
we start to ravage what we can and take what we please
but they still stand tall on their land....
....as we prepare to put them on their knees
but we never dide intend, for this unexpected weapon
who knew how quick this war would be
...with the slow death of diease
it brought upon are manifest destiny


For the Aztecs
It Was a Strange Death
Not to Die by the Sword
But by a Simple Breath

[Spoken]

this was koo...short yes....but still was decent and up to par with other drop shere in OM..this was worded nicely and the storyline was good el...you did a nice job in spreading your emotion out itl the end which is always a good thing to me!...you dropped nice vocab nothing over used but i just wanted more....i felt that you had more or shoul have ADDED more but meh its still good nothing was taken away from this piece and this wasa nice drop put together!.

keep it up homie!

[Spanche]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...80#post5284980
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...14#post5285014

[Spanche]

bump past these fools

[Heychoo]

eh..
make it longer..
rhyme scheme was simple, but it was almost more as a poetical piece to me than an OM...
dont do the "...." structure...
try adding in better vocabulary...also, the imagery wasnt great..
k nig..
that last part was nice..
1luv my mondo dood.

[Spanche]

forreal the scheme was simple i thought it was good i did way more than ryhme at the end thing

[B.Nesse]

that rhymescheme was simple but sweet, real nice flow and good choice of words, although it was very short it conveyed a lot of meaning, brought to life the picture of the image you posted above it, it was very understandable and true and i fuckin dig it

h0ller

[Spanche]

no one mention my metaphors fuck you niggas

[Spanche]

wow bump

[C.Wrighter]

this was a pretty good peice but i think it was short but for what it is, It was pretty good and the picture made it seem better but i would of liked to seem more from you cause you could of made this even better with a longer peice.....and the structure was good the flow and most of it everything else

but check out my open mic Real Friends vs Fake Friends

[~Mansin~]

this was ill for how short it was, and id say a lot of truth
spoken in this peice, as my people were also colonized
an ravaged with them bastards ilnesses, i thought ya
flow was easy and relaxed, emotion was cool, couple
of multies were strait, though i cant help wondering
what would of happened if the piece was a little longer,
i really dig the first quotable you opened with, and
comming from a warrior culture myself, fully understand
the closing quoteable, overall some def talent ...easy read

keep rippin those scripts...

if you got time here is a link to one of minez...peace

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236

[P. Mortuus]

A good and easy read...youstarted with some good metaphors to bring the reader in but later on the wording got confused, i don't know maybe you weren't sure how to end it but the verse needed a better closure to make it more obvious...what do you mean by breath, what killed or defeated them..a bit more would have made it clearer and given the reader closure. However, with the chunk that is here, i liked the rythm and presentation. You can still improve and carry on writing as it will slowly but surely iron out the creases your probably experiencing. OVerall an aight piece that could have been put into a higher body...nice effort.

Some comments:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316128

[Forum]

this was pretty good...especially the topic...i didn't like that it was as short as it was but the content really made up for it getting straight to the point...I haven't seen many pieces from you so I didn't know what to expect but I see your pretty good at topicals...the wording and flow were this pieces best aspects...good shit keep it ^ ...RTF in sigg plz...