It was Friday night...
At home where I decided to stay,
Watching my school on TV with my dinner tray,
South plantation against B.A.
The place was packed everyone cheering,
I put the volume on mute...
I'm seeing happiness on the screen, but I'm hearing
Derange curses words thrown in the yelling,
I walk into the living room,
Anger in the air as if devil sprayed its perfume,
Momma eye's red, lip soak with blood
When I saw that, I almost fell with a loud thud,
But my heart crushed when bobby replied
"Fuck you and her"-that made me cry.
He head toward the front door,
I wanted to reach but with the release
Of my tears, the dead heart in me-my body ceased.
He never looked back when he walked out
Or even acknowledge
The blockage of tears sounds in my mouth.
I watched my mom go into her cocoon
With the blood retracing her steps to her room,
I hope she becomes a butterfly soon
So I can see on her face a smile that’ll happily bloom.
As for me, I went back into my room
And put my face in my hands
Shed more tears of blues from events I can't stand.
That was the third man who just ran,
He was nothing to me or to the FAM.
Always getting drunk & smoking blunts,
Always in moms face of threats he confronts.
So why I'm shedding salty ocean to this man?
Maybe, because I never had a father figure
To last long to be with me in a Polaroid picture
Or fight the pain that I've express in my scriptures.
The first one, as soon I was born
He was gone, leaving my mother torn.
The 2nd one...well let’s just say
He got thrown in jail for his abusive ways
Recently the third, brought me back to the first,
Who pulled me back in a world of hurt.
I've been digging through dark sands in my time,
Never had a chance to see light in my prime.
And I still don’t…
My body is against the boxing ropes,
I'm taking too many punches-I'm losing hope
Christians on my ass-people hating me
Moms on the sidelines watching me take beatings.
She's useless…
I've been on my own since day one
No one gave me a happy cookie crumb to take bite of
Today I realize, as my sorrow hits the pillow
...I'm forever self Loved...
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