Macbeth: A state of Mind

[P. Mortuus]

Macbeth: A state of mind



Dripping melody from squires who know no better
the royal sweater coated with arms and chains
Worn by pride by men belied by words from the letter
Singing their way into a maze of fatalistic games

And the Soldiers sing:
“We will win; we will bring fortune for our king!”

Hypocritical ideals make the court feel the need for the ordeals
AS a necessity for the very society that kneels at the Kings heels
A King mocking his subjects as miscreants & the women as jewels
Ghouls haunt Macbeth and his mistress notes him fickle as fools
killed a father figure to figure out a way to a bigger infrastructure
Hierarchical fiends look for means to easily demean & fracture
A sly wife only added to the strife of a man considered invincible
She shrieks as Macbeth fights with enemies and corpses invisible

And the corpses sing:
“We will win; we will bring fortune for our king!”


A King granted a life and fortune by witches in stitches laughing
changing hidden switches to perform mystical prophecies halving
the chance of an honest mans survival they corrupt him with seeds
Commits deeds forbidden he heed’s the God ridden talks leads
An army of 2 to butcher the man who taught him honesty is a virtue
Dead at night he strikes to leave dead the former king in a quite curfew
Months later the sides switch invisible spectres guide him to seeing
Sadness of a wife gone and the gladness of being an invincible being
Forest walk up to him and he watches a man not born naturally strike
A fight lost he dies; one moment of distraction cost Macbeth his life

And the victors sing:
“We have won; we have bought fortune for our king!”


“I close the book...Macbeth an ironic play
...leaving me in a paranoid state of mind
.................................Like Macbeth was”

[P. Mortuus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313422
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...53#post5239953

[P. Mortuus]

Up to the top

[P. Mortuus]

Does an up hurt...

[Forum]

Another Strong piece from P. This was great. The flow was amazing. The structure was good and the topic was as well. you have very extenxive vocab which enlightens the emotion you put into your piece I've come to find out. Your mult's were mind boggling. This was just another great great read from you P. good shit keep it ^

[f-gee]

I've read Macbeth, and you did an okay take on the subject matter

You captured the evil, plotting side of the witches and his allies and had some good imagery and word choice
Some nice multies in there, flow was up n down from that pov, decent vocab
Seemed forced in spots, try some puntuation to let the reader know how the flow goes to, some sentences ran on and it got confusing
finishe dit up well with the 'one distraction cost his life'

overall needed some imagery,better wording and better naration, came across as impersonal and didnt really have a strong writers voice

keep up

[Blanco.]

Really, really dope piece here Pak. I enjoyed reading this.
I didn't get bored reading like i usually do with Open Mics.
You had some nice Imegry in this piece. This was creative
too. Meta's were very dope. Wordplay was good. You also
had very good structure and flow. Overall this was a dope
drop. My favorite part being,


Hypocritical ideals make the court feel the need for the ordeals
AS a necessity for the very society that kneels at the Kings heels
A King mocking his subjects as miscreants & the women as jewels
Ghouls haunt Macbeth and his mistress notes him fickle as fools


^I really liked that.

[P. Mortuus]

Yup thanks everyone and yeah i accept your pointers F-gee as this piece owuldn't do optimum justice as it was written very quickly for a battle deadline, thanks though for everyone who left comments.

[soulstice.]

alrighty cool, a rap take on a play. though the story is not your own, you did a good job adapting it to topical, and making it rhyme.. you had some powerful inners inside of this, so it made it look more hip hop and less written word like it originally was, and thats a hard thing to pull off, i used to think you werent that good because of your less complex rhyme scheme, but i know im finally reading your pieces correctly and i see your style, and its dope.. some lines were a little run on grammar wise, but good piece nonethesllss.. hit up "Musical Zombies"

[QaaHolic]

cool b
i like your
creativity
keep pieces like this and you'll
be consiedeered a boss
for a new style of hip-hop

[dasicknez]

Macbeth is one of my favorite stories... and certainly Shakespeares' best.

You did a good job with the subject matter and the basic moral of it... captured what makes it so relivant in modern life. But, also had a creative twist that was very enjoyable...

I'm always glad to see people are twisting and manipulating the old tattered texts and letting them assume and aid their current creative endeavors.

Keep up.

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks, i'll return all comments as soon as possible.