Branded In Poverty

[.......*]

Branded In Poverty

Insects crawl within these deteriorating walls
As I lift myself from this piss stained matress
.
.
The usual call of hunger falls
as my stomach gasses begin actions
steppin lightliy for cold floors annoy feet
into the kitchen grasping handled refrigeration
eyeing dying vegation and spoiled meat
Smells wreek as hunger takes tolls peak
Thoughts froze on bold feast, unique
clothes worn unwashed old and fit sleek
.
.
Food images blemish as my thoughts wander helplessly
from the beginning I was finished lil ol help-less-Lee
repeatitive sips of sorrow swallowed in large gulps
awakening inquireies of reasonable sobriety even lessens hope
8 sections of welfare ?able health care he ponder's who the hell cares
amongst receiving polluted breathing from demons who dwell there
Seemingly pointless to rub in thee emotions life's oinment
Branded in Pover-Tea take a sip feel the enjoyment

[.......*]

LINKS

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313906

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313455

[Jhonny Cash]

im diggin tha topic and how u went about it lines seem like u put thought into them b4 u put them on paper 1st vearse whuz visual all in all i digz it
HOFFA

[.......*]

im diggin tha topic and how u went about it lines seem like u put thought into them b4 u put them on paper 1st vearse whuz visual all in all i digz it
HOFFA

Appreciate it. Bump

[DIPSHIT]

8 sections of welfare ?able healthcare he ponders who the hell cares- great line lines like that show talent i liked it overall the only way to describe that hunger is to have been that hungry

[Forum]

Bump.............feed would be appreciated.

[.......*]

UppN for real feed. .....................BUMP

[..IllThoughtZ..]

This is a very nice short lil piece..i can relate so much to it and the emotion in this is spilling ova....very nice imagery used...

Insects crawl within these deteriorating walls
As I lift myself from this piss stained matress

Jesus Christ if that doesnt put a picture in your mind then i dont know what the hell does...nice nice detail..this flowed with such flawlessness and made the read that much better...just wish it was longer..

Seemingly pointless to rub in thee emotions life's oinment
Branded in Pover-Tea take a sip feel the enjoyment

that was a nice way to close it out...i like the sarcasm used lol...feel the enjoyment..very gudd...clever
this is possibly one of the best OM's ive read today and i cant wait to see what else you have in store....

[Forum]

Thankz again Ill ! appreciate it.

[Forum]

Bump

[Jon]

Your pretty good.. I havent read many of your other pieces so you must be new. I would give you far more in depth feed than I am going to leave, but I havent read previous pieces from you, so here it goes. You had great flow, nice multies, no errors that stood out, but you had one "wtf?"

this line right here threw me off.

"awakening inquireies of reasonable sobriety even lessens hope
8 sections of welfare ?able health care he ponder's who the hell cares"

what? anyways, you had a decent piece, it was kind of short for the topic and picture. I would have taken it far more in depth, like.. idk around 40 lines? You had a little taste here. I think if you strive to excel in writing, then you will definantly have a spot in the future of RB. Keep writing dude, keep it up.. My quick advice is to write longer pieces, and perfect them to a tee. Dont just half ass quick verses, and come up with a topic that you like and that you can go on and on and on and on about..

k? Check my piece if you have time

[Forum]

Thankx ...........