Hanging on the wire:The death of a poet

[Witty]

Hanging on the wire:The Death of a poet.

‘I like to sleep beneath the trees, feel the universe at one with me
Look down the barrel of a gun, and feel the moon replace the sun.’

Mysterious quotes and delirious hopes, are steering this boat
Her name is Destiny, hope on board, she’s afloat
Now follow me back to basics, as I disconnect the matrix
While leaping over these pistol blasting agents
Oh…….such systematic phrases

I solely hope, that one day men will quote, the things I wrote
Or do I live my life in vain, is this lifestyle broke?
My pen strokes, as I sit under this Japanese Lacquer tree
Fighting to breathe, sigh for me, a victim of hepatitis b
Gazing upon a decaying planet, a single praying mantis, about to dine
Provides all the attestation I need, we were born to hunt…….born to die
I inscribe my thoughts upon a blank canvas, I feast upon compassion
In this day and age, poetry is out of fashion, a mere distraction
Cigarette smoke dances elegantly in a ray of light, as I play with fright
And pray tonight, ‘upon my decaying life, please stay with my wife’
I once sang so melodiously, looked upon life as a bequest
But sexual acts, have left my soul, and my life, suppressed
I hammer on the doors of hell, and stomp at the floors as well
The night I betrayed my wife, was the night I fell
I stare into the stars.. ’I challenge you, lead me to my fate’
Emotion pours from my pores, I need not recriminate
I embrace my demise, with a heart, that has only one pace left
My pen flops to my side, as my tainted world, beckons to death
‘Wrestle with me, For I have nothing left, so bequeath your best
For a poet lives for one reason. To communicate, to bless
I hope your life is touched by what I’ve left, for now I sink
Into cardiopulmonary arrest……………On God’s request’

I'd rather die for my desire,
than be left.......
Hanging on the wire

[Witty]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=312152
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=312621

[Poeta Demonio]

I liked this, The rhyme scheme was unique and i respected the style you choose... The only quo i really have with this piece is that i didn't see anything i havn't seen befor, well nothing that stood out in my minds eye and jumped off the page to my attention... you usually come with a more origional approach to your pieces, and most of the time i see something i really think about and draws me to read over and over again, therfore this piece wasn't all that special to me... Maybe that's just me, I'm sure others will love it, but personally i din't get into it all that much, well not half as much as i love your other works... I liked the take on the topic, and it WAS well written, good style to use, but as i said, it just didn't fully grab me. The enjoyment was still mediocre, it kept me entertained to a certain extent, and i liked some of your lines, such as: 'Gazing upon a decaying planet, a single praying mantis, about to dine' That line kind of hit the nail on the head, personally i would have put that line nearer the end to maximize the overall effect and lingering memory of the reader.

But as usual, a well written piece. Keep up bro.

[Lyrical Solja!]

Time to introduce myself they call me Lyrical Solja...

[Carbon 15]

Yo I like it da rhyme like hearts said was nice. I mean shit I've read befo relates to that but You know it was straight. Yo I mean if you eva wanna take me on N a battle holla. But otha wise stop dat shit.

[Clee]

Witness this was a very interesting piece. I loved your topic, and the imagery was very strong, you had a very talented rhymescheme, and great use of vocabulary. The piece flowed pretty consistent and it kind of fell off in the middle. You kept your whole piece stable, and kept it strong. The topic was so unique and you portrayed the possible thoughts of a poet, I felt you introducted this piece very professional, and you also ended very well. The imagery in this piece was incredible, and I really did enjoy reading this piece in whole. Very interesting, you kept me reading from start to finish. Kept it exciting but with a less static mood. This was a very good piece, and a great read. Look forward to reading more.



If you could return the favor.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=312848
Thanks.

[Ascend]

I really found that I liked this piece, mainly at the beginning the emotion and Vocab. poured out flawlessly but even after some rough patches at the end I still think this was a piece to be proped. So, good job.

And if you can return the favor also,...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=312790

[soulstice.]

good job. the ending was cool... and sort of original coz most people nowadays think they have a twist going when the character commits suicide or the mother rapes the son or some gay shit, when it has nothing to do with the story, but yeah, that line alone was the most original thing ive read this week, maybe. so props o nthat. you definitely had some nice metaphors, and the vocabulary was good too.. the rhyme scheme just was greatr in the first stanza, the word usage for the following was perfect..

Mysterious quotes and delirious hopes, are steering this boat
Now follow me back to basics, as I disconnect the matrix
Gazing upon a decaying planet, a single praying mantis, about to dine

The opening stnaza was abstract and metaphorical likea mutherfuckah... and it was good.. so excleetnt... peace.

[Witty]

Thanks dude

[QaaHolic]

hot keep it up

[Shawn DMac.]

meh,up

[Atti]

this was a pretty steady piece man - a lot of insight and depth with any sacrafise of flow or diction. that first part looked really familiar, i think i remember reading it in your signature or some shit like that. but ya, i loved how it seemed like a very coherent discussion with the ready, and there really wasn't too much "fluff" distancing the content itself from the meaning of the drop. it seems like these philosophical pieces are just in recently, i've read a good 5 or 6 in the last two days and me and ledge wrote one up aswell ... but, as long as you've got something educated to say, and aren't repeating previous points it's always a cool read - which here you accomplished. overall just a steady piece like i said, nothing too out there or bold, just pure fluent thought. nice job man.

if you would, Abstanti Collective's newest collab ...
"Anathema"