Loose Change

[Witty]

Thanks for the feed my man

[Witty]

*yawns*

[soulstice.]

Ha, the end was cool, i actually didnt see that comming, the rhyme scheme was also pretty good. The story seemed good, the imagery was there, but at the same time was a little vague. your rhyme scheme wasn't top notch, but you had some internals that made it seem a lot better than it actually was. There were no extra lines, there were just enough, but it seemed like you could've gone into depth more. know what i mean. anyway, tight piece. hit up "Tabula Rasa : The Parachute" pz's

[Dyl]

Really nice piece here my friend.You had some really nice imagery and emotion in this piece.You had a good little storyline here which you displayed very well.I feel that your lines were a tad bit streched.You should of shortened them a small bit.Your wording was very nice in places and it just shows to me how you have elevated.You are maturing day by day and thinking of new wonderful things to write.If you went back a year you would laugh and now you are a very skilled writer who is respected by all.You have written better than this,but that doesn't mean its a bad piece.Every piece you write is good and your pieces are always a plesure to read.Keep it up as i'm sure you will

[Atti]

ah, this was nice piece - probally the strongest, and my favorite piece i've read from you. everything was just very well put together. the concept/storyline was very strong, and i really didn't ever feel any gaps or inconsistancies in the story. it had a strongly poetic vibe about it, which, i of course could appreciate and love. the into was nice aswell. the only thing i didn't like, is that at times i felt like the piece was smothered with comas and punctuation so the flow became stop and go alot ... so the fluency of the content itself started to slow dramatically and at times i felt the piece start to drag. aside from that though, i liked this. nice job man.