It's literature...again.

[da king01]

Hope you people like this peice, I changed my style again lol. By the way this is The Witness.


The razor bites through my veins like a viper
Unleashing the inner pain of a writer
Gripping this pen, words are my paranormal potion
My blood mixes with ingenuity and emotion
Devotion to writing, poetry is my liberator
I feel like a free man, when I put pen to paper
Dismantle haters, let them dive into my flow
Watch with a smile, as I take pride in what I wrote
Day dreaming, watching humankind fade to black
Tear myself away from reality, and revel in my paperback
Roald Dahl set it in cement, ‘A little nonsense now and then,
is cherished by the wisest men.’ now I know what he meant
This rage that I vent onto this page, finally released from its cage
Will devour your soul, and work wonders for your mental age
I sit, pen in hand, reciting old war poems, and William Blake’s class
‘The Tiger’ is etched in my mind, as I feel this storm pass
I drop the pen, until I come alive again, because the wisest men
Need a little nonsense……….now and then.

[da king01]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...77#post5173277
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...87#post5173287

[Kid Christian]

tight style, rhythm and flow. lot's of meaning, at first i thought "the tiger" was the story where the guys hanging by a vine off a cliff with a tiger waiting at the top, and he knows he's gonna die but he eats this strawberry he finds on the side of the cliff. it woulda tied in nice with the "watching humankind fade to black" part cuz the world is falling apart and we should enjoy what we got before we go. anyway, definitely a strong piece, liked it alot.

[da king01]

You must be thinking of the wrong thing my man, 'The Tiger' or 'Tyger' as it is spelt in the peice, is a poem written by William Blake, and one of my favourite poems of all time. But thanks for the feed dude.

[P. Mortuus]

Nice little verse personalised and written. William blake is a good writer and i have seen many poems influenced by him in the past. Back to this particular piece, i liked the flow of it and i found it to be fluid and clever. Some lines of it really stood out like the Roald Dahl one, that was a celver quote that fitted seamlessly with the piece plus there were many reference points in this that can educate the reader and open new influences for them. Overall, a good piece, one of my personal favourites of Blake was My Spectre Around Me

[da king01]

Thanks for the feed dude, and yea William Blake is one of my inpirations for writing, I love his work. Too bad he didn't actually reach the peak of his fame until after he died . Upping

[da king01]

Upping

[Chrit.]

its really not bad... decent little read...

normally I dont mention technical stuff... but you really need to work on a better rhyme scheme

back/black
cage/age
class/pass

you can do better

[da king01]

Thanks Chrit, I just felt like going off on a little rant for once lol.

[Engivale]

To be too critical, I would also probably note that some of your rhyme schemes were a little bit juvenile which made the piece a bit less impressive overall, but I still think that overall this was a good read. You certainly had a good rhyme scheme going and you very rarely let up, and I like the line about sitting back and being proud of what you wrote... I do that too... LoL... I guess I'm full of myself. Keeps me happy.

This was a solid read, I think you could have done this a bit longer and really developed how you feel about this topic to the reader, but leaving it short is a good way to encourage people to read your work on this site, noone likes to see a lyric where you have to scroll down to find the end of it... You conveyed pretty well the feelings of writing, especially with a particular inspiration in mind. The point you made about having fun, "or having a little nonsense once in a while," is a clever use of a poem... And an absolute truth that can relate to all cultures. I thought also the part about you dropping the pen until you felt "alive again," that was cool because I think its very necessary not to force poetry or song writing, but rather feel the need to write it come from within... its tough to schedule inspiration.

Solid job. As usual, you know I like ya Witness. =D

[Tragedian.]

very nice....quiet the deep drop...it seems like some real life shit...which is what i meanily write about....this was pretty creative the way you started it didnt really catch my eye...but as i read on i got more into the peice...it flowed well all the way through...multies we're there...the only thing really was the plain strutre but meh i dont pay attetion to that my self...you are a great writer and i hope to read more from you...keep up hit up an om of mine.

[The Vortex]

i thought the flow seemed inconsistant somehow. i mean smooth in a strictly text sense i guess but in a spoken / audio sense it seems to lead to pauses before hitting the next line. but yeah imagery and emotion was there


Roald Dahl set it in cement, ‘A little nonsense now and then,
is cherished by the wisest men.’ now I know what he meant



coo lines tho


‘The Tiger’ is etched in my mind, as I feel this storm pass



yea



could a been a bit more in depth........ multies cudda been more hot in my view..... or titer even............ could of had some more outstanding or explicit lines to add entertainment and shit... so yeah thats what i think. all in all good pice nice poetic touches


1

[LamaGod]

aight, i felt there were some cool lines here, some cool concepts, but the flow and rhyme scheme coulda been a little more complex cause it was a bit too simple for my liking, shit came off a bit plain. but still it had its moments, had emotion in there, not bad at all. first thing i've peeped from you, I expected alot worse, not saying this was bad, but saying, i usually see some pretty bad shit on here, and this wasnt on that type of level, so keep it up dude, keep dropping and just work ona ya scheme and flow.