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Thread: A Communist Death

  1. #1
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    A Communist Death

    1947, Start of the Cold war. Russia has fallen into poverty. As The Soviet Union attempts to turn Eastern Europe to communism, and causing much displeasure in America and the United Kingdom.

    Stalin rules with an iron fist, the Berlin wall stands tall
    Come watch a nation fall, as the Super Powers brawl
    Men unemployed, homes destroyed, families dismayed
    The rent can’t be paid, they’re left without financial aid
    Stalin wants the atom bomb, Truman’s being a tease
    ‘Why can’t this stop, why can’t you put our minds at ease?’
    This is the cry, of a single mother, as a bullet pieces her back
    She slumps off the Berlin wall, her daughter saw this attack
    Lives where destroyed, millions of people grieved
    A political war……………….But what was achieved?


    This is the story of a victim in the cold war, his family are on the other side of the Berlin wall, and he has nothing to live for.

    Satan lives among us, he breathes down our neck, each day
    Our nation has died away
    I sit to the side, sift to the back of my mind and pray
    My family has been taken from my arms, I’m alone on this farm
    My cattle have died, I’m choked to blue, by a communist arm
    Deciding my fate, I’m lying in wait, I’m breaking free tonight
    A wall can not contain me, my light is shining bright
    I’m a fighting knight, fighting for what’s right, God please help
    Don’t let me die tonight


    He sets off, through the dark and polluted streets of Western Berlin. Determined to be reunited with his family……on the other side of the wall.

    Truman’s planes fly overhead, providing beds, and food to help us survive
    I’m crouched to the floor, ready to pounce, and to soar, ready to fly
    Not ready to die. I need to at least kiss my daughter goodbye
    I scramble up the graphitised wall, my ladder stands tall
    As I leap to the other side, without so much as a stall
    My wife meets me, we embrace, and hold each other tight
    All of a sudden, the spotlight sights us, and lights up the night
    I jump with fright, and tell my wife to flee, and that I’ll always love her
    ‘Give my love to little Amy, and her little bother, you’re a great mother’
    I stand tall, knowing that I must fall, a death with a cause
    The gun clicks, the barrel is loaded, now there’s an eternal pause


    Another death, thanks to communism.

  2. #2
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    Last edited by da king01; September 30th, 2006 at 07:43 PM

  3. #3
    Soule
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    Dude. You suck. Why do you write so much better then me? Lol. Not fair.

    You're wording was great. Flow was smooth. You're Imagenary was Image filled.
    You're Emotion was VERY deep and real. The structre was great. Creativty was amazing. Keep writing you great basterd.

    ~Blind.

    P.S: Nominated.
    Last edited by Soule; September 30th, 2006 at 07:28 PM

  4. #4
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    Thanks dude, upping.

  5. #5
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Aight this was a very visually appealing piece of work. The content of this was above the level of amny many writers but it wasn't something i woudl expect from a Wit piece or for that matter it sin't something i would expect from a dope writer. The rhymes at time were too simplicit...like fall/stall...you know you can rip and flip rhymes and concepts easily but this was negatively simplicit. The 2nd verse eneded a lot of re-workage. I don't know this just didn't hit me or emotively stir me like many pieces you've written. ALl in all this was an average piece from an excellent writer. The set up was ver good but it only had a couple of bright lights.....you know i''m being harsh because i know you can write on a different level to this...i reckon either something is distracting you e.g. school or your spending less time on your pieces.

    Mine & TIMs FL CHAMP MATCH.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=310766

  6. #6
    Banned Spanche's Avatar
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    your a Homo lol i was gonna write on Comies but inlike paka i liked the piece wasn't your best at all but most definatley kept me reading ..i kinda felt also the 2nd verse coulda got touched up but i really like the thrid verse it kept me wondering if he was gonna die..visually good also just liked the feel of the piece i can see your a Thug Blat

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