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Thread: Whatever. Sheep.

  1. September 4th, 2006, 06:14 AM #1
    Engivale
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    Whatever. Sheep.

    This is kinda long. Sorry. Read it and try to pick up the flow. If you like it, keep reading. You'll finish soon, I promise... It's like 2 or 3 minutes. Thanks for reading if you do.



    I use a spiked chain to seperate my left and right brain-
    I might gain a new per-spec-tive
    But let's-give it another chance to reunite fame....
    The right slang can make you accepted
    New thang, you sang in hoods that get you elected
    King of the Rap Town...
    You crowned by met-ro-pol-i-tan bound
    Callin' in sick, To see you brawlin' in thick
    Crowds, so Loud, you Fear Silence-
    So you shakin', an-tic-i-pa-tin' violence
    I'm makin' alliance with the judge and his ...
    Nudgin' this battle from this way to that...
    You can go first, It's rigged anyways;
    You're up to Bat.

    This is me - I've got some soul
    No botch for full concoction stole
    My warm crossin' pull, tossin' lull
    La-byes... No Semi; Colon tries to separate my sound;
    Unless you hate this round...
    Circled shape I've found
    Correlate, astound, we're asleep awake and stumbling...
    Make us froth like this is flesh that makes us hungry...

    I mash my teeth, gnaw the bones-
    I pause the tones so I can use a clause for loans-
    A 2 percent bo-nus, no finance, and zero APR-
    I'll repossess the bank before they can take my car...
    My statement said so far I'm overdrafted-
    Is my money on fire? Or do I require plastic?
    Takin' drastic measures to get these last-picked pressures
    Off of my back- Stress coughin' up slack
    And makin' me lazy, But I'm still sane if I'm crazy...
    Loony? The universe's center goes through me
    And You too-
    Figure out which part is true to Voo-Doo...
    Take a clue, you,
    Should quit, just stop...
    I'll die before I try and flip my top-
    Not gonna lose my Gord...
    I've already gone and lost my Lord...
    But I remain faithful; Why is that?
    I guess my plate's full so I'm fallin' back
    On my childhood teachin's...
    How wild would preachins sound to me now?
    An adult who sees how people follow shephards
    But there's safety in number-
    No wonder we remain in set herds...



    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308148
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=302304

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
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  2. September 4th, 2006, 08:04 AM #2
    Spoken
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    I use a spiked chain to seperate my left and right brain-
    I might gain a new per-spec-tive
    But let's-give it another chance to reunite fame....
    The right slang can make you accepted
    New thang, you sang in hoods that get you elected
    King of the Rap Town...
    You crowned by met-ro-pol-i-tan bound
    Callin' in sick, To see you brawlin' in thick
    Crowds, so Loud, you Fear Silence-
    So you shakin', an-tic-i-pa-tin' violence
    I'm makin' alliance with the judge and his ...
    Nudgin' this battle from this way to that...
    You can go first, It's rigged anyways;
    You're up to Bat.
    ^^
    loved your opener....i really felt like you started well the middle part though felt as filler stuffies......

    I mash my teeth, gnaw the bones-
    I pause the tones so I can use a clause for loans-
    A 2 percent bo-nus, no finance, and zero APR-
    I'll repossess the bank before they can take my car...
    My statement said so far I'm overdrafted-
    Is my money on fire? Or do I require plastic?
    Takin' drastic measures to get these last-picked pressures
    Off of my back- Stress coughin' up slack
    And makin' me lazy, But I'm still sane if I'm crazy...
    Loony? The universe's center goes through me
    And You too-
    Figure out which part is true to Voo-Doo...
    Take a clue, you,
    Should quit, just stop...
    I'll die before I try and flip my top-
    Not gonna lose my Gord...
    I've already gone and lost my Lord...
    But I remain faithful; Why is that?
    I guess my plate's full so I'm fallin' back
    On my childhood teachin's...
    How wild would preachins sound to me now?
    An adult who sees how people follow shephards
    But there's safety in number-
    No wonder we remain in set herds...
    ^^
    though your ending was my FAVORITE part of all and it really brought out the best of this piece..though i felt like you could have done way way better than you did here....but overall still a nice read dude nice to see your back in it this is omega so whats good.....


    RTF on links in my sig
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  3. September 4th, 2006, 03:25 PM #3
    Engivale
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    ^uppin

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
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  4. September 4th, 2006, 10:11 PM #4
    Engivale
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    ^uppin again...

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
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  5. September 4th, 2006, 10:32 PM #5
    Spoken
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    yea upping fo ryou to RTF..this omega.
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  6. September 7th, 2006, 02:06 AM #6
    Engivale
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    ^uppin

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
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  7. September 8th, 2006, 12:37 AM #7
    Engivale
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    last time i'm uppin... i guess... if noone can say shit about this or just doesn't wanna read cuz it's long, that's cool, thanks to Omega.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
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  8. September 8th, 2006, 12:37 AM #8
    Spoken
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    you dont do poetry?1..
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  9. September 8th, 2006, 01:54 AM #9
    Engivale
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    just to clear, now that I look at what I wrote... I wasn't taking a shot at you. I was actually thanking you for being the only person that commented on this. I looked at it and saw that the meaning might be messed up because, quite frankly, I did a poor job of writing it.

    That's all, folks. I got class at 9 am, I gotta go to bed.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
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  10. September 8th, 2006, 02:06 AM #10
    Tragedian.
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    I use a spiked chain to seperate my left and right brain-
    I might gain a new per-spec-tive
    But let's-give it another chance to reunite fame....
    The right slang can make you accepted

    fuckin dope way to open your dope...after reading that you fully had my attition..sucha nice drop getting slept on...kind of a shame really...you had some really nice flow that kept me reading...he stayed up thru out the whole drop...i thought u kinda lacked on multies and u shouldve worked on those some more...strutre was kinda plain and turned me off a bit...but thats your style so what can i say...the topic was nice i was feelin it...looks a bit like a freestyle...sucha shame to see this get slept on...rtf on one of the links in sig hopefully you`ll choose high school my newest lol keep up homie..
    Empire
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  11. September 8th, 2006, 03:39 AM #11
    Spoken
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    engivale feed on mechanical pencil and when we gonna collab?!....wait after the poetry tourney iight?...

    lets get this up people feed.
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  12. September 8th, 2006, 09:05 AM #12
    thefreakish6942
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    that was a nice verse there dawg it was tite the flow was smoooth, the wordplay was unique an the imagery was great too, ahaha i suck at typing, but ya great work dawg keep it up,
    "Let me say for the record, I am not a gangster and never have been. Im not the thief who grabs your purse. Im not the guy who jacks your car. Im not down with the people who steal and hurt others. Im just a brother who fights back." Tupac shakur
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  13. September 9th, 2006, 08:30 PM #13
    P. Mortuus
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    I wouldn't call this long lol...once you read it it isn't long long...had a spare minute so i thought i'll leave some comments on this and all...overall i liked it though at times i was lost but in the majority it was like as if your mocking worldy ways..would it be wise for me to call this a parody or more like a thinkers outlook on views and conditions of the word today. Overall, this was good though at one or 2 points the flow went but it wasn't nothing major...talking about flow i liked it the way you gave it a freestyle or should i say clever rap feel. SO yeah this was a nice piece and was in my eyes quite fluid and an easy read. So stay up^ and keep writing na mean.
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  14. September 10th, 2006, 04:46 PM #14
    The Vortex
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    yeah i liked the flow and vocab usage you displayed in this joint. the whole topic/concept diddnt amaze me or nothing. but the whole form and delivery of rhymes was on-point ....... wording was a bit off in a few lines like sum s;ight grammar details. ..... diddnt like the end line much. seemed a bit pushed.... still all in all was on sum nice ish

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