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Thread: Angel Genocide

  1. #1
    Incorrect Perfectionist Bilayer's Avatar
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    Angel Genocide

    Walk down the path of phsycopaths found in woods
    Who divide their time like mimes cloaked in hoods
    Soaked & should clean the unseen blood from their hands
    Whose mouths twitch switched shut try to understand
    2 plans transmitted mind to mind discuss Heaven's Fairies
    Who own the blood of the unseen in dreams of Virgin Mary
    Warry now these angels stand for a planned execution
    Sacrificied like Christ's life their families evolution
    is restitution the last of the past great race of saviors
    in the middle of the riddle stands the leader placed xavier
    Whose behavior cannot be heard in words but through sin
    So these few angels remain formed in pain as you begin
    Their skin twists and shifts for they have taken human form
    And die off slowly unholy as twenty more sins are born
    Warn these trees are disease and the angels make a sacrifice
    Of self cause their wealth is the stealth in saving of life
    Like Christ though the hoods no-good damned forever remain
    They play the executioners inflicting heavens twenty with pain
    Slain these hoods realize for human eyes cannot see them
    Locked in nothingness clear but here and together we condemn
    We owe them with thoughts brought power to the dark one xavier
    Who wages stages of war strong with the Christ the savior
    Misbehavior breeds these hoods feed on what is called SIN
    Just what they are so far is for the battle that they win
    Begin to understand their stand as the once condemned died
    These hooded men have been for years the ANGELS GENOCIDE.......


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...69#post4978169
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307015
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  2. #2
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Nice i alwasy like a religious tinged topic. Overall, this was an interesting read and i liked the rhymeing and swithces you did plus the flow was also good. Reminds me muhc of my style on a religious topic. One line that really stood out to me was the twitch switched the mouth shut one...it went somethin like that anyway and it really bumped up the flow positevly in my eyes. Overall i think this was aight though i reckon you should space your verse out when your writing a one block verse piece e.g. do about 4-6 lines per paragraph as this would intimidate the reader less and make it seem easier to read. Overall, this was aight just carry on writing and trying your best.

  3. #3
    Incorrect Perfectionist Bilayer's Avatar
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    thanx pak imma make sure i start spacing my writing outs
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  4. #4
    Incorrect Perfectionist Bilayer's Avatar
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    uppin for feed
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  5. #5
    No Love Lost Axeshun's Avatar
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    This was a cool peice well thought out very landscaped as well,you need some work on that thesis imagery Is something I can point out to say though great topic pretty original but learn to execute more on the concepts like just write with a passion,it's easy you have a cool grasped on it hough you have the potential of dropping dope sooner or later keep writing.

  6. #6
    Incorrect Perfectionist Bilayer's Avatar
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    uppin for feed please i will return feed
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  7. #7
    Eh, although I liked select parts the majority of this piece was just completely driven by rhyme scheme and the pursuit of trying to uphold that pattern no matter what happens to the piece contectually. Talking about blind mimes twitch and random shit like that when, yes, poetically you could explain it out and blah blah blah, but, bottom line is that you did it more-so for the sake of rhyme scheme than you did for any sort of poetic integrity. So, I don't know, I'm kind of on the fence because your motives in creating this were alittle off, but I still liked alot of it. So, not sure, I'll have to go back and read it again.

    If you could...
    'The Central Artery'
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  8. #8
    Incorrect Perfectionist Bilayer's Avatar
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    Thanx for feeding i feed on ur piece also


    uppin for more links to be feed on and for this to be feed on
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  9. #9
    Banned cK-'s Avatar
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    dope skill you got man keep at it.

  10. #10

    good feed

    ok this was overall very interesting strong structure you kept the rhyme scheme consistent and strong un till you repeated yourself a few times in the end but i loved the story like i said very interesting the flow was off from time to time so i kind of found it sounded more like a story then a drop so nice text :P good drop^

    peace

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