You'll Never Know ft. ta2_tears

[Kalos Graphē]

lol i dont c a solo piece coming for a while cuz im just so popular, that people always wanna collab, i always have like 3 on the go.. but i'll write u a solo piece pak remember, cuz i havent forgot.

[P. Mortuus]

lol i dont c a solo piece coming for a while cuz im just so popular, that people always wanna collab, i always have like 3 on the go.. but i'll write u a solo piece pak remember, cuz i havent forgot.

lol....Thanks for reminding me....i need tro write something as well....but i just can't be asked...anyway....This was a good piece like i said.

[Matt Millsaps.]

uppin this dammit.,..cmon I know at least 2 people need to feed here....for I did theirs....thank you and keep it coming

[Nib Oswald]

I like the ABAB rhyme scheme, I'm so used to seeing AABB. Educated, you had a steady flow throughout and oriented the storyline well. Would have liked to see more rhyming within lines, though. Ta2, you had awesome ABAB multi rhyming and good use of internals and imagery. The ending really continued on seamlessly from Educated's verse, this was a nice team effort that worked well indeed.

[Witty]

lol another collab with Ta2, and yea it was a very interestign read, I could really feel your imagery, and both verses complimented each other very nicely. I liked the ABAB strucutre, in my personal expereince, it is very hard to pull off, and can ruin the flow of a peice completely. But you pulled this off with apparent ease, which I envy because that is one thing i have never learned to master in topical writing. The storyline was spot on, you never realyl fell off anywhere in this peice, which made it a very pleasent read. I was really loving Ta2's internals, you did a great job trhere my friend, props on that. and props to Educated as well for putting out a very good peice, you both dropped very well, and this is a dope collab. Sorry it took me so long to return the favour, I was very busy yesterday. Nice job, keep at it.

[Laureate]

Everyone is pointing out what they liked, so to give you feed you can actual use, heres the negatives

Educated....first 2 lines were bad, I think they should have been bolded because they seem like they should be part of the note...the abab rhyme scheme didn't work well for you because in your 4 lines of abab, the first line ended like a sentence, If that doesnt make sense, read ta2's verse and see how the first line in the abab structure always flowed into the second. When you read it like this without a pause, the abab rhyme scheme is used to it's fullest. your verse had ok emotion but nothing above average...and this is a piece that screams emotion, there was almost no imagery...and your vocab was low, no internals really either

ta2....you had some good internal rhyming, although it was still simplistic...emotion was nice, but like Educated, there was really no imagery...vocab was above average but nothing great...

I'm confused with the story...was his pregnant wife murdered? or did she kill herself? How did she know it was a boy? Did God tell her in heaven? Cuz if she was far enough along to get an ultra sound, wouldn't the husband have noticed? Or is it that he knew she was pregnant, but just didn't know the sex of the baby...and if that's the case...why is it so important she tell him...Or am I completely off...
Anyways, unlike everyone else, i thought your pieces did not flow well together at all...but I can let that slide seeing as it is two different people...

keep dropping

[Kalos Graphē]

Thanks alot to every1 who left feed.. laur thanks for the constructive critisizm, that's wut i really look for in my feeds... the whole story line was, she had known for a week that she was pregnant, and was waiting for their anniversary to tell her husband the news... then she took a tumble down the stairs and died.. so she was unable to let him know. but thanks again for the feed everybody..