Deadly Secret

[Witty]

Lecha dodi likrat kala
Penei shabat nekabela
Ve aba mesalsel kolo beshirei shabat
Dror ikra le ben im bat

The bread is broken, the Lord has spoken, Shabbat is here
As they dine with wine, the head of the table, sheds a tear
‘I have News, but do not fear, it will make sense some day
I must leave tonight, Nothing you say, will make me stay’
Torn apart with trepidation, His daughter falls to her knees
‘Papa please don’t leave, I need you here with me’
Grief holds this group tightly, all are struck with woe
The loss of the priest, is a shock, and a vicious blow
‘I must go, may my legacy live on, if not, I will never know
May your crops grow, your wild stock live, and your rivers flow
Remember me friends, I am not gone, I live on in memory
God will be with you, I hope that you all remember me

Lochashot sfatav shel aba veeinav orot
Ucheed min heavar hamanguinot chozrot
Umale pit'om habait beotan zmirot

Setting off on a lonely excursion, wrapped in a shawl
He stumbles along the blistering sand, trying not to fall
The sun beats down on his back, with lack of clemency
Vultures circle carcasses, squawking a poisonous melody
Tearing at dead animals, stripping them to the bone
Eyeing up this priest, as he continues on his own
The noises of the night, put fright and worry in his mind
As he hurries in his plight, to find, his own kind
Unsure of his faith, he falls to his knees in prayer
‘Lord I have a place, please Lord lead me there
I have unholy feelings, that I can’t secrete any longer’
He continues his excursion, incomplete and sombre

Umapa tzchora nifreset ve dolkim nerot
Ucheed min heavar hamanguinot chozrot
Umale pit'om habait beotan zmirot

Spirits circle his essence, he hears their voices, feels their presence
Sent by a greater force, they reveal their message
‘The Lord is upset, you must beg him for exoneration’
Refusing, the priest continues, feeling low, with lack of patience
‘I have sentenced myself to hell, there is no turning back’
He collapses to the ground, unloads his travelling sack
Takes out his pistol ‘Lord I’m sorry, but life is too hard’
He pulls the trigger, and on the final beat of his heart
The priest whispers ‘I can not change the way I think’
Laying on the ground, he dies, dying the yellow sand pink
Unable to deny his feelings, not wanting to deceive
Here lies dead on the sand,
the homosexual Jewish priest

Lecha dodi likrat kala
Shabat malka hine ola
Al hashulchan chala ve ola tfila
Sharim kol bnei habait bemakchela kdola

[Witty]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...12#post5068512

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...32#post5068532

[Witty]

upping.

[Witty]

please don't sleep on this

[niggerican]

it's dope as hell, i really like the way you rhymed it in each sentence, the wording. flow was on point like you really knew what you were talking about-- i know you do though! anyway, i like reading your peices, because they all grab my attention in some way. nice job homie.

[Witty]

thanks for the feed my man...it's really appreciated.

[P. Mortuus]

OHH some nice stuff here lol....Throughout the whole piece i felt as if this man was codemned to solitude as he had a family and everything but chose to leve them. When i read the about to shoot himself type of line i was like damn, he recked his om with a played finsih but then the whole homo shit was a very good closer. The way jewish faith was anti-homo and the way you tied it in was brilliant. i liked your rhyming in this, it picked up well through the piece and made it easy to reas whilst not losing it's fluency. Overall, i liked this piece. I wuold leave more comments but i'm not in a criticizing mood lol....Be happy with this, SS ahs done you good. Stay up

Also, hit this if and when you can na mean
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307849

[Witty]

thanks,upping.

[Matt Millsaps.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307884
Collab I did with ta2 tears ^

Damn Witness! That was dope as fuck. I really enjoyed the latin in red or whatever the fuck language that is. It really made it a lot better. I enojyed the piece as a whole, but what really stood out to me was the way you worded shit, it made it flow really well. you seem to really have the concept of topicals down, but then I've only seen this piece from you. It was a very nice job and I enjoyed it. Keep at it dude....this was fuckin nice!

-Educated

[Witty]

lol it's Hebrew

thanks for the feed dude, I'll get to that link ASAP

[Witty]

up.

[Witty]

Upping.

[Laureate]

If he is gay, whyd he have a daughter? Anyways, I really liked this story, thought it was real creative, rhyming was decent, altho it kind of got repetative despite all the internals you used since most of them were 1 syllable.....anyways, it was a captivating read...nicely done

if you could http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307973

[Witty]

If he is gay, whyd he have a daughter? Anyways, I really liked this story, thought it was real creative, rhyming was decent, altho it kind of got repetative despite all the internals you used since most of them were 1 syllable.....anyways, it was a captivating read...nicely done

if you could http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307973

His family didn't know he was gay,and they were shocked and confused when he had to leave, and thanks for the feed dude, I'll get to that link ASAP

[Marvman]

one , i didn't like the whole one syllable rhyme scheme on most of the piece, that kind of stuff bores me personally

two , i liked the story, though there's few aspects of it that i feel could've been better

three, i dont really know what else to judge it on, but this kind of OM is STILL too emo for me, no offence

PS: the unknown language is pointless, and the red text design etc etc.

thanks for leaving feed btw. appreaciated.