That Fateful Day

[Witty]

*The Night Before*

‘The car is ready, HOLD THAT STEADY!, we can’t make mistakes
I can’t wait, to see what the politicians and papers say
We’re going to make them pay, tomorrow is payback day’
The peaceful night, is suddenly full with florescent light
Almost unsettling, the tranquil and dormant country side
The car proceeds, along winding country roads. Alone in the night
Fright is not an emotion for these men, they know just one word…fight.
‘If you fuck this up, I swear I’ll kill you, have I made myself clear?’
‘Yes sir, but you may want to lower your voce, we’re nearly here’
They skulk into the empty town, and quietly carry out their task
Twenty minutes pass, they start the car, slam on the gas, fleeing fast

*That Fateful Day*

‘Jack, go into town for me, I need some milk for the tea
And while your there, try and find some biscuits to eat’
Jack walks out the door, unaware of what’s about to befall him
Before he even takes a step, he hears somebody calling
‘Jackie boy, how have you been, long time no talk
You going into town? I suppose I’ll come for the walk’
They chat the whole way, catching up on local news
Talking about the summer, and what they planned to do
‘look at that car, it makes me look like a bum, lucky for some’
An explosion echoes through the air, where did it come from?
It came from the car, that Jack had been admiring, he’s dead
The town is full of scattered bodies, children screaming for help
Men screaming as well, at this moment, earth was feeling like hell

*The Day After*

‘Ha ha, we did it, we will go down forever in history
Just think of how much scum we cleaned up yesterday’
This is the way these men thought, twisted minds and souls
While the relatives of these people, struggled to stay bold
For Omagh will never be the same, a town in despair
One bomb, in one town…..but forever we care
These men, are still on the loose, after all these years
Until they are behind bars, we can't let go of our fears

A terrible day for Northern Ireland
R.I.P to all the people who died in the Omagh bomb
You will be remembered.



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...15#post4990015
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305730

[soulstice.]

YOU GET LINK FOR MY PEECE HOE

ANyway, this was nice, i liked how you statrt out with an inner, then go on, i always do that, and if your like me, then I like you! the first stanza had some realistic description in it, the only thing i didnt like that much was the emotion, it just didnt seem very there to me.. also the closing two lines in stanzas 2/3 didnt seem very proffesional and complex.. very, very simple similies and word usage... alright peice

hit the link in my signature "The blue plague"

[Witty]

thanks dude.

Links have been edited in

upping.

[Witty]

feed please

[Nique.]

Simplicity didn't make this piece bad at all. In fact, I liked the simplicity because it kept it interesting and fluent. The story progressed and I understood it without having to stop myself and re-read a line consecutively. .over and over again. The only thing I can say is wrong with this piece is how vague it actually is. You didn't go into depth about what actually happened. For example, the fateful day should of carried more sincere description full of imagery and the tone should've been melancholy and/or remoreseful. .nah mean? Especially since this is a true story. Either way, this piece was pretty good. Flow was on point and you did get your point across. Cool.

[Witty]

thanks,upping

[Witty]

Meh, upping for one last time, then I will let it die, and burn in the depths of hell aka the OM forum.