Hey there!

It looks like you're enjoying Rap Battles Forum but haven't created an account yet. Why not take a minute to register for your own free account now? As a member you get free access to all of our forums and posts plus the ability to post your own messages, communicate directly with other members and much more. Register now!

Already a member? Login at the top of this page to stop seeing this message.

User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 20

Thread: The 7 Sins: Sloth

  1. #1
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    UK
    Age
    36
    Posts
    20,486
    Battle Record
    37-7
    Awards Legendary Member PC HOF OM HOF PS Season champ SS HW Champion 25+ Wins

    The 7 Sins: Sloth

    The 7 Sins: Sloth



    “Sloth is not a virtue, Sam”

    Boons of wilted willows rake around the house
    That houses the malign man steady in sleep
    Cockroaches devoured by the untamed mouse
    That steadily scuttles up Uncle Sam’s knees
    Clothes scattered across the dusty landing
    His ex-wife left home, was she too demanding
    Couldn’t understand the laziness of Sam’s Life
    Last years food remains, still greased on the knife

    “Why bother, there’s always tomorrow”

    “Why sweat the work when there’s another day
    Don’t really believe hard work means hard play
    I can soak the clothes and clean the dishes
    Still but swimming so why bother feed the fishes
    I see the food crumpled before me, please let it be
    Why refurbish the carpet soaks up the wine easily
    Is that a warning, no I remember going to work
    Open the light someone, the rooms full with murk
    Now I’ve talked enough, I really deserve some rest
    Go away let me be, stop being such a slothy pest”

    “Today’s Highlights”

    Last night a thunder struck a house a blaze
    It was surrounded by such flammable dirt
    The windows glazed & the fire grew fast
    Unluckily, there was one lone man hurt
    He was injured by the occurring gas blast
    He died not of burns but of a leg cast
    Which he was to lazy to remove then
    And the germs ate away through the linen
    Therefore it wasn’t the fire but the pests
    Dirt breeds dirt & Sloth breeds a slow death



    RIP Uncle Sam Sloth
    We will let you be

  2. #2

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    here and there
    Posts
    3,288
    Battle Record
    28-5
    u rollin hot.ha

    see ill read em together now.ha

    1
    .................................................. ......................

  4. #4
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    UK
    Age
    36
    Posts
    20,486
    Battle Record
    37-7
    Awards Legendary Member PC HOF OM HOF PS Season champ SS HW Champion 25+ Wins
    Yea man lol..

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Age
    36
    Posts
    649
    Battle Record
    6-5
    Well I already read this when you PM'ed it to me and I liked this a lot. The imagery and descriptiveness was really good. You described this guys life very well and made me feel as if I was living there with him. The vocabulary was really good, you didn't overdue it but it was far from basic. Like always your flow was great, in this first part there were a couple awkward lines but then you picked it up. Their weren't that many metaphores in this piece but you didn't need em cuz you describes everything really well. Hope you post ours up soon peace

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    IJL

  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    UK
    Age
    36
    Posts
    20,486
    Battle Record
    37-7
    Awards Legendary Member PC HOF OM HOF PS Season champ SS HW Champion 25+ Wins
    No doubt lol, thanks.

  7. #7
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    UK
    Age
    36
    Posts
    20,486
    Battle Record
    37-7
    Awards Legendary Member PC HOF OM HOF PS Season champ SS HW Champion 25+ Wins
    ^^^^

  8. #8
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    30
    Battle Record
    0-2
    I must say that when you started this it was a bit boring but you seemed to pick it up in the second paragraph the flow of this was steady throughout your piece and storyline was god but i did feel that it was too short and there was alot of emotion which was good but a certain lack of imagery either way this piece was cool man i love forward to reading more in the future

  9. #9
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    UK
    Age
    36
    Posts
    20,486
    Battle Record
    37-7
    Awards Legendary Member PC HOF OM HOF PS Season champ SS HW Champion 25+ Wins
    coolio, i know i haven't used much metaphors i'v relied on the description aspect of imagery na mean.

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Atlanta
    Age
    36
    Posts
    579
    Battle Record
    3-5
    nice peice i see what u mean wit the imagry now dope shit

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Originally Posted by GrimReapa
    well i can beat my dick from the back while suckin my nuts... :hung:

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Houston Texas
    Posts
    1,032
    Battle Record
    7-6
    Again another good piece here homie...the same style as the last two but still unique...Your vocabulary was good and wordplay was top notch...your precision again as in the last two pieces were perfect everything in the right places...The emotion in this was good throughout the piece you did well to maintain it...and the parts were you could get imagery was good but there wasnt that much imagery in it lol...In the 3 pieces you have done i havent really seen anything basic which is good ...This piece was loaded with everything and your descriptoion was great also...and last but not least lol your flow was tight and this enabled to piece to be read whiskly and easily...Overall another good piece look forward to the next piece...Stay up.
    SMOKEY

  12. #12
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    UK
    Age
    36
    Posts
    20,486
    Battle Record
    37-7
    Awards Legendary Member PC HOF OM HOF PS Season champ SS HW Champion 25+ Wins
    thanks, you won't need to wait long the next ones about to go up as well lol.

  13. #13
    . . . Tragedian.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Ontario
    Age
    33
    Posts
    5,982
    Battle Record
    93-39
    Awards 75+ Wins
    shhhit nice fuckin drop pak deff one of ur best ive read...possibly one of the best ive read period....this was creative as fuck jus like the last one..and after reading the other...i was fully intrested in this....flow was on point thru out the whole drop...multies were there...u shouldve collabed with ferocity for that lol hes the multie king but...yea this was very impressvie...keep up man...
    Empire

  14. #14
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    UK
    Age
    36
    Posts
    20,486
    Battle Record
    37-7
    Awards Legendary Member PC HOF OM HOF PS Season champ SS HW Champion 25+ Wins
    Vortex is the multie king lol...but no doubt i appreciate the comments.

  15. #15
    Incorrect Perfectionist Bilayer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    states
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,636
    Battle Record
    18-6
    DAMN pak this was really nice to read at first i was like damn this shit is intresting and i started reading it and loved it mann it was really nice i like how you made this very descriptive and you used alot of complex vocabulary mann this piece was very very unique i like how you had all the consisty thourgh the piece and how it all connnected from one piece to another nice drop bra i really like it mann keep your pen irratatin against the paper
    Left2Right


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Similar Threads

  1. Sloth
    By Kontext in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: December 26th, 2013, 05:23 AM
  2. Seven Sins.
    By Soule in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 121
    Last Post: April 28th, 2007, 04:57 PM
  3. So Many Sins
    By Pike in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: November 27th, 2006, 05:44 AM
  4. Looks like Sloth mated with Opey's Mother
    By Baron Mynd in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: March 17th, 2004, 06:07 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •