My Mind, and Scattered Thoughts

[Jon]

My Mind, and Scattered Thoughts

Introduction
See, I’d like to explain my writings
But they come and go as they please.
I write to excite others who read
And for the ones writing enough
to help the pen in their hand bleed.
Hope you enjoy, because I know
that I had a blast writing this. Well,
a blast of thoughts that is…

Jonathon the Poet
My mind has stretch marks,
busting down the door to block thoughts.
Allowing my visions to face fears,
remarks to flow rapidly,
as if the river was oxygen,
and my head was stone.
I keep the powerful white capping waters,
curving, as if I forgotten what to say.
My eye, laser beams into the sky,
calling help for a supernatural.

Gangsta Jon-Jon
I kEeP mAh ThInKz GoIn WhEn I sHoOt MaH nInE/
pUtTiN hO3z 2 sLeEp WhEn I BlOw ThEiR mInD//
i AiNt GoTz Da TiMe Fo DuMb BiTcHeS, ThEy B LaSt N LiNe/
TaTs WhY I GoTz 2 KeEp AlL MaH tHoUgHtS oN dA rEaL sIdE//
bAnG-bAnG bItCh, ThEy NoCkIn At Yo Do'/
DoDgIn Em' LiKe BuLlEtZ wHeN i HiTz Da FlO'//
I kNoW mOsTa YaLl HoEs CaN't HaNdLe MaH fLoW/
ThO iTz TiMe 2 Go, I kEeP mY mInD hEaDeD fO dA dOuGh//

Multi-Me
I open the door, from the floor up goes thoughts galore!
They pour around me and explore about until they bore
Then more, apparently I have no clue what I'm in store for
More and more they come, soaring more than before
I've found my mind; now allow time to let it unwind
Step on the picture I found and watch it blow up like a mine
A large sound of images rush to my brain, so I take a taste
My vision blurs as if my face is misplaced...
..............As I look down, I found it dangling at my waist
This is too complex, what's next? I have to slow this pace
Take my current style to a different level...
..............................watch my mind as it copy's to paste

Jonathon, the Great Storyteller
As I creep up into the window of dreams,
I find this candle, who's light takes the lead.
It flickers around the flame, risking its wax
So I can see. I step through the glass with
my X-Ray of thought. Letting my memory
Cease, for I don't want to long for what I've
forgot. I stand above a man, sleeping in
peace. Then watch darkness in front of me
rise as if it were yeast. Then the next stage
goes on as you slowly turn the page.

Jonathon
I see a puzzle laying in front of me, scrambled to be solved
Watching my mind change it all, as if it rapidly evolved
Yes, see. Filler is a killer, that’s why writers don't commit
They want to live, they strive to get the greatest legit
answer. That’s why cancer lives on, and has a happier life
No one cares anymore. So we see X marks the knife
On wrists of teenagers, high schoolers, dream takers
We drought them of love, filling enough lakes to fill acres
I'd like to leave on the note of this note. Please hope
that one day they can live in a normal place we call home.

RIP Jon-Jon, its been cool
I lay to get reconised
In this casket, to be lowered before the shallow depths of hell
Was my time here a waste?
Maybe I haven't spoken out to all that can hear.
Or saught out to all that could see.
Or touched all that could feel.
Or maybe, just maybe.
My thoughts blew my mind.

Bye Bye... Until next time

Inspired by Mag...
Written on Notepad

[B.I.Detained.]

"Rules & Lessons in Feedback<< LINK.

I HAVE TO BE HARSH ON YOU ALL NOW.
READ THE RULES.
CLOSED.

Reason: No Links.
(You should know better!!)

-Brix."

[B.I.Detained.]

Re-opened.

[Jon]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307094
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306377

[Clee]

Very great piece, this was such an interesting piece to read, I loved it, original topic, and you used the topic extremely well, you had a good rhyme-scheme, decent vocabulary, and your piece flowed pretty consistent except for three or four lines, but other than that it was great, I loved how you portayed someone with multiple personalities, you picked great topics, you worded them all very well. My favorite part had to be "Jonathon"...I thought that had the most emotion and you really painted an visual image for the reader, you started strong, kept a steady pace, a couple lines picked up which is good, and you ended strong, your whole verse was stable, and very well put overall...Good job man, this was a great piece, and a great read...Keep it up.


If you could return the favor, thanks.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307060

[Jon]

Thanks.. Uppin

[P. Mortuus]

YEah this was an interesting read i haven't much seen this kind of idea befoer in one om. The way you tryed to show the different facets of your writing was good and most of them were true to themselves. Plus showing that Jon Jon is dead is what, an indication that the New kid GanKsta style you had is gone and now you stand more polished. If so that was quite good and clever. Furthermore, each verse was true to it's title but i believe your weakest verse was probably the multi one, obviously i'm not counting the Ganksta one as that lived up to it's role. the multi one had one or 2 awkard lines and you repetitively used more to carry on the or rhyme. In totality this was a good piece of writing by a writere searching for new concepts to express themselves. This wouldn't be HOF in my eyes for the flow mistakes made in parts which a writer of your calibre need not make.
Disregarding that, it was a nice and fresh read.
Do check this link, i'm putting it here incase you haven't checkd it already na mean
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307188

[B.I.Detained.]

Dude, I really liked this, but I pretty intoxicated atm. I will def' leave feed when I get chance.. props on this. Thought the concept was mint, and you executed it as best you could.

[Jon]

^thanks.

Hope you like it when your sober.

[B.I.Detained.]

Ok, where to start.. I really did think this was a good read. The concept was very nice, and you plugged at it & made it your own. One thing I would've liked to see, would have to be for all the verses to follow the same path. Cuz no matter how original the actual piece was, relevance between each of the verses would've made it dope! I had some favourite parts in here, like;

"My mind has stretch marks,
busting down the door to block thoughts.
Allowing my visions to face fears,
remarks to flow rapidly,
as if the river was oxygen,
and my head was stone."

I just thought that was nice. Nice imagery and you kept the reader wanting to read on. Anyways, this was a nice piece, & you wrote well. Props J.

[Cody Nash]

ok, this was cool. wasn't spectacular but very cool to read. all the different stanzas/standpoints in the writing was great too ..it's just images of your mind and how you think, thought, or ocassionally think. very odd way to come about it, and every line was just some random thought to me, with some crazy metaphorical literal meaning behind it somewhere that i couldn't quite pinpoint. you really are good, i think you've got some kind of a knack for creative/original writing, because not often do i see the same style come out of you twice unless you're storytelling. but very decent piece here nontheless. cool read ..

- Nash

[COLDSTARE]

Ok. Bro....

I saw several things here with your writing ...Most of them Good..i gust think that you may want to go Deeper with your stuff...i thought it was prety good for the most part IMO.....But I'm really into Double meanings as well as flow and I want to be Moved by a piece....This by no means is a Sub Par joint at all...i may just be a little critical with you because you have all the tools to be Iller and I'd like to see that from you.I see what you were doing in regards to showing diversity with your STYLE....GOOD SHIT....Thing is...I woulda just made several posts instead of 4 or 5 different joints split up...but maybe it's just me.....

Nice Jopint though Bro

[LamaGod]

I've seen something like this done before but you still had me into it. liked it. lol @ the gangster part, lmao. I think the punches coulda been fresh and shit, then against I guess you were going for a gangster newb, not a gangster gangsta so word, good job on the caps and shit. wtf @ the intro part, I think you could have left it out, or at least made it rhyme. the poet part was kinda dull to me, not bad though, I'm just not really into poetry and really picky about it lol. multi you seemed to have not too many multis lol.. i expected it to be packed with multis, but it only had a few, kinda dissapointing there, but still not bad. story teller part was straight, good imagery. jonathan seems like the serious you, some cool lines in that verse. lol.. the jon jon part was weird, wasnt feeling that too much. overall straight shit dude, looks like you had fun while doing this and thats whats up. not much to say about this besides it kept me reading. the different writing styles in each verse made the other verse refreshing to read. shit just stayed at a fast paced. keep dropping. and hit up the latest drop of mine called Sweet Dreams, thanks.

[Jon]

Thanks DL. I'll get to it later.