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Thread: Temptations: Note by Note

  1. #1
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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    Temptations: Note by Note

    Temptations: Note by Note


    You’re tempted to leave…

    Describe to me please, the definition of heartbreak
    Singing to the tress, reason of treason, it will ache
    Mingle, to the jingle, with my girl, standing by me
    Ranting, to the rant of the streets, no matter what I see
    Chanting, to classics, told me their oldies, almost Jurassic
    Pounding, around me, the echo of which is thoracic
    Fact finding, fuck grinding, I’ll slow dance to bliss
    Don’t mind me; I’m timing, the luck of a perfect kiss
    Musical gods', moderation, needs to put in this generation
    Lighting rod’s don’t attract as much as your foundation


    Sing to me, and please never stop…
    …Ring the songs that cease to rock
    To the top, on my block, to the park…
    …Produce more love than Noah’s Ark


    Raise, the rise of the unblind eyes, staring through time
    Cage, the demise, of your talent, your voice, your mind
    Singing with vocals, that could total Aretha’s voice box
    My motto, is to model, a hand, that can stop a clock
    Memorizing every dieing, glamorous song of yours
    The corrupt erupted new wave of songs, it is a blur
    Diving into your records, of record setting singles
    Your rhythm sounds like protection, lyrical shingles
    I organize your decade of ruling the musical world
    As I realize my age wrecked the love of My Girl


    Hip Hop took away…
    …What used to be hip
    We used to hop all day…
    …Now we hop with a limp


    Temptation to be patient, listening to what you wrote
    The Temptations dazzled me easily…note by note


    But I refuse to let you go



  2. #2

  3. #3
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Okay if this was based on a group then i haven't heard thier stuff yet...Now talking about the om it was a nice and neatly presented piece which attracted the readers eyes and had good aesthetic appeal. Have you tryed to reproduce a bounce style, if so you still need to work a bit more as you need to get your wording a bit more fluent. I mean your flow was good at most times and i got a good feel and didn't get much distracted but i still found one or 2 words just patchy. Overall, i still liked this as it set a good atmosphere and gave me an enjoyable and easy read. Stay up.

  4. #4
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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    thanks for feed pak.

    upp.

  5. #5
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    Well Let me start of by saying i was feeling yuor opener you had multies but the flow was a bit choppy you had a good storyline and you stayed on topic

    Sing to me, and please never stop…
    …Ring the songs that cease to rock
    To the top, on my block, to the park…
    …Produce more love than Noah’s Ark

    The flow there was good and you showed emotion which is always good your structure was great it reminded me of the style Bounce uses overall this piece was real nice man topic was original and so was everything in it.

  6. #6
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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    thanks for feed Kon.

    bump.

  7. #7
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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    upping.

  8. #8
    . . . Tragedian.'s Avatar
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    i was feelin this really nice drop...flow was on point...kinda off at some points but stayed on for most part....multies were great...you had just the right amount...didnt over do them....strutre was nice it was easy to read...some lines were uneven but meh...you stuck to the topic really nice...had nice vocab...and nice worplay...kept it very creative...you dont see drops like this anymore...keep up homie and come check out hiddent talents...hit an om or 2 if u have enough time...
    Empire

  9. #9
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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    thanks for the feed dj.


    upp.

  10. #10
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    uppingg.

  11. #11
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    You're a Bad Man for this one....I Just got done watching David Ruffin Buggin out in the Movie..LMAO...I love this because it's Pure..It's different

    HERE:
    Raise, the rise of the unblind eyes, staring through time
    Cage, the demise, of your talent, your voice, your mind
    Singing with vocals, that could total Aretha’s voice box
    My motto, is to model, a hand, that can stop a clock

    NICE /\

    Things are so different now...i mean i'm a young cat but singers now couldn't stand in the same room with Artists from yester year!...And in reading this piece you know thst
    GOOD WORK BROTHER

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  12. #12
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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    thanks for feed cold.


    uppin.

  13. #13
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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