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Thread: The 7 Sins: Envy

  1. August 24th, 2006, 09:14 PM #1
    P. Mortuus
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    The 7 Sins: Envy


    The Seven Sins: Envy



    Grim Reaper as…Mr Elliot Envy, Verse2
    Pakaveli, as narrator, Verse 1 & 3

    “Here is the spiteful baron...”

    The envious man covers his envious eyes
    Unknown to the crowd that flocks to greet
    He envies the boundlessness of the skies
    He spites the quality of the butcher’s meat
    Fair maiden’s paintings are bought by many
    Yet he deforms the beauty of the masterpiece
    Irrelevant at the cost of his 10 golden guineas
    He laughs at the deformity that plagues his niece

    “Baron Elliot, what's your thoughts”

    Oh how I love the better things in life, like shiny rings
    Glistening, fancy robes, but all I have are tattered things
    Some have diamonds and jewels, but I have none
    I would do everything and anything to grasp just some
    Gold & silver platters, candle holders that shine bright
    I want them, but get nothing, hated with all there might
    Family heirlooms, acquired artefacts want them all
    I’ll kill to get them, no matter who has to fall
    I don’t care about the cost, I want it all for me
    I have this hunger for gold that I need to feed

    “Envy breeds Death”

    Mr. Envy ran along & paid some renowned killers
    To raze his neighbours house and kidnap his wife
    But they got distracted by Elliot’s exquisite wine fillers
    The killers looked greedily & Elliot’s envy cost his life


    RIP Baron Elliot Envy
    May you enjoy your best GREEN coat.


    Last edited by P. Mortuus; August 25th, 2006 at 01:59 PM
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  2. August 24th, 2006, 09:16 PM #2
    P. Mortuus
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306821
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306246
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  3. August 24th, 2006, 09:49 PM #3
    JDoe
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    haha this shit was nice too...i liked the subject and how the tale went...this shit should b a nursery rhyme...this would b the best seller no doubt...but yeah this shit is mad hott...but cuz how short it is...i dont know if it would make it into HOF...but the concept gets a perfect as well as the word choice and structure...but the length wont beat out alot of nominations...with length this could be a contender as welll...this shit put me back in skool wit the rhyme scheme LOL...

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  4. August 24th, 2006, 10:18 PM #4
    P. Mortuus
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    Thanks your comments are appreciated.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL
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  5. August 24th, 2006, 10:25 PM #5
    Soule
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    This was dope,

    I liked the wordplay and the creativty.
    The imagenary was incredible and the structre was dope.
    I really liked how the flow wa almost perfect.
    The stories was magnificent. Keep up the good work.
    Over all 9-10. Enjoyed the read. Thankyou.
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  6. August 24th, 2006, 10:27 PM #6
    P. Mortuus
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    thanks for the comments.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL
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  7. August 24th, 2006, 11:24 PM #7
    P. Mortuus
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    Stay up before i go.
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    TNL
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  8. August 25th, 2006, 06:37 AM #8
    De~Press
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    like the last piece this was great also it was the same kinda style as the last one but still unigue in its style so good job with that...alot of creativity gone into this and...Your vocabulary was great no problems there and your wordplay was top notch...your precision was good things in the right places i remember this same thing on the last one...The flow in this was great it was easy to read nice and flowing helps and thats what you got...Rhymecheme was good also it rhymed very well and the use of pics was good again...Look forward to the other 5 think it is sins...Good job keep up.
    Last edited by De~Press; August 25th, 2006 at 06:31 PM
    SMOKEY
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  9. August 25th, 2006, 10:15 AM #9
    P. Mortuus
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    Appreciate that, but everyone do remember that Grimreapa wrote the 2nd verse.
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  10. August 25th, 2006, 01:59 PM #10
    P. Mortuus
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    ^^^
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  11. August 25th, 2006, 04:35 PM #11
    The Vortex
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    yeah nice overdose of nicely scripted and aculptured poetry with added rap n word ploys. ill add - lib sum feed later when i read better

    1
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  12. August 25th, 2006, 05:39 PM #12
    GrimmyReaps
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    nobodys metioning my verse...
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  13. August 25th, 2006, 06:30 PM #13
    De~Press
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    Alright i'll mention your verse...Everything was fine man...Vocabulary, Wordplay, Emotion, Precision, Rhymescheme...lol so feel better because oyu did a good job.
    SMOKEY
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  14. August 25th, 2006, 06:32 PM #14
    P. Mortuus
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    Quote Originally Posted by GrimReapa
    nobodys metioning my verse...

    The mentionin whole thing toegether which = we did good lol
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  15. August 25th, 2006, 10:28 PM #15
    Wu banga
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    This ain't as good as a couple of the others in your sig, and i don't think anyone would buy it if it were a single. But great everthing to put it simple, scheme wordplay lyrics plot everthing. Could have thrown in a metaphor doe, peace.
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