Road To Glory.

[Tragedian.]

Road To glory.
Its been long and hard at times
Theres been many hills to climb
Sold some rhymes…here and there
Never had a breath of fresh air…
Maybe god will answer my prayer..
Or maybe not maybe im stuck left to rot
Ive always wanted to sell my first joint.
Wanted to be like eminem and get my points..
Thru music of course..to write ive never been forced..
Now its time for her to show remorse…
have gone thru pain…but now time to be sane..
take what ever I have and make it a sayin..
I dropped many things jus cause of my girl..
this aint about her its bout my choice,my world
If theres anything really good about life…
Its that feeling you get…when u use your first knife
now I know…that we are all here for something…
Cause some people deserve things and get nothing…
But I was offered my deal...now to sign and make it sealed..
wanna keep this…but my thoughts are spinnin like a wheel..
know do I want to do…stay here put up with the bullshit I go thru
I stayed once and it turned out as a mistake…
some times in life you gotta make choice u don’t wanna make…
These thoughts aint...fake ive givin it some really deep thought..
But stayin here has taught me a lot..
So im signing this…I don’t if its people im gonna miss…
leaving Friday that’s final...i jus wanna give her a final kiss

[Tragedian.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...6&page=2&pp=15
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...67#post4953167

[ferocity.]

this was a good piece - flow was great, structure was also very good, and emotion was there, even though there wasnt that much...

the topic was good, but i didnt like the way you went about it - not my style but others will dig it, so its all cool

you had a good source of multies, and you didnt force that many words in your piece aswell

overall// this was a good piece man, keep up the great work.

and drop some feed on our crews dope collab :P Armageddon

[P. Mortuus]

This was a whole lot better then your last one, though you should now start incorporating more detail through metaphors and personification. Furthermore, you should go more into detail use more adjectives and adverbs and beasically paint your words whilts you write. Overall, i liked this, your visual structure was aight and i enjoyed the rhymescheme, so yea stay up.
.
.
A few comments will be appreciated:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306927

[Tragedian.]

thanks uppin..

[Joseph Grey]

The emotion was strong and the concept and lines you used stood out, but what you're missing is a better usage of words. This would have been so much stronger if you had a complex rhymescheme or a better vocabulary. Try making references to more interesting subjects like strange comparisons to make it more unique. You have potential so keep this kind of writing up.

[GrimmyReaps]

meh...didnt like the structure...storyline is good...vocab really needs to improve...but overall good...ur wordplay was ok...didnt like some parts the flow was kinda choppy...but ur structure was the worse point...it was very up and down it hopped from short to long bar...really messed up flow...just up vocab...everything else ok......keep it up...

[.InSanity.]

not too bad.. you could probably do better if you put your mind to it !!

InSanity

[mc pyro.]

this was decent i liked all the emotion, the topic, and the feeling you put into it it spoke to me in a way and really made the topic clear the emotion sounded as if you were really driving yourself to express it the thing i would have liked to see more of was the vocab and rhyme scheme sometimes simple works but i dont think it did as much with this you should change the rhyme scheme make everything a little more complex then post it again it would be ill i'ts decent now and it has a lot more potencial
leave feed on my om never changes

[Tragedian.]

upp

[GrimmyReaps]

not too bad.. you could probably do better if you put your mind to it !!

InSanity

ur feed=

[Cliff.Hanger]

hmmm ayoo

The ryme skheme seem'd basic or was that just me?
Besides that the flow was Wicked emotion was above average struc was good nuff
Try n work on makein our lines less perdicable thoe

Besides that this was in my mind a nice read
keep drop'n

[Cliff.Hanger]

N yea check my om too thx

[The Vortex]

yeah flow cudda been evened out a lil more. structure and format seemed ok tho maybe a bit forced which might lead to a cut in wording and flow standards......
had quite a few cool rhymes........ cud maybe do w/ lil more creative wordplay in between the lines to liven up the content...... i can sort of hear this in a DMX flow. also on similar tones of much of his raps........... so yeah mos def had some emotion in the joint. vocab was ok. depending on what you wanna do with a song i guess. coz an audio can have elevted vocab. but its not needed. a good song is a good song if delivered right.........
so yeah this peace had sum good parts in it, and was expressed well. could get a bit more creative and keep adding elements, perhaps working on 1 or 2 element elevations at a time

all in all was pretty Good


check this 1-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307199

[Axeshun]

Prettynice simple wording in it at the beginning...but yet so vivid. You had some cool signs of creative couplets at moments not the best you can do(I hope) really just need more imagery thought thats after the beginning I know u like to draw people in to read but keep them drawn until the climax of you're peice you have some potential as well...keep writing dj...