I Saw Her

[Omega.]

1st verse= Pakaveli
2nd verse= Omega.

The Couragous one
The beautiful face with the mischievous smile by river Nile
The svelte style an image to behold on this side of the isle
Shaking feet step forward in hope to see the eyes so vivid
Pumping up with courage, then I see Fathers face all livid
“Stop Dreaming boy, move out the quarry”, end of story
To me to her to me is like to you can be the end, history
Misery greeting me covering the tunnelling lane of hope
Minerva though is allowed but fuck it, marry her na nope
So I flee with courage and leave the domain of the father
To get further I need a buzz, let’s go drink some lager
Grab some agar for the jelly powder gotta shower her
With gifts I missed the opportunity of bliss, gold & Mir
But there she laid in front of me those luscious lips quivering
Averring promises of her warmth warming up the shivering

The Nervous One
Precarious to know but also aware of the event
A single scent is sent, my love sheds all in for expense
In sense, I make my courageous move to extend
My love, others call it the helping hand of a special friend
Her presence bedazzles while her personality amazes
Day’s go by I fall more into emotions, what do you call these phases
I get lost in words, likewise lost in translation
Don’t know what move to make next without discrimination
I look she turns away she looks I stare
Do I want to dare myself to be brave and my feelings share?
Hmm..i put a thought to and come to a decision.
To be blunt and tell the truth so regrets I want start reminiscing
My feelings pour, tears hug her cheeks with a grip
Day’s go by “Excuse me miss” she’s a MRS. Not a miss.


will drop links later please dont close....

[P. Mortuus]

Link 1 as i wrote the first verse:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306189

[Omega.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304796
2nd link thankl you...



no feed please.

[Kalos Graphē]

Hmm this was a decent piece but to tell you both the truth, i've seen better from the two of you... i wasnt really feeling this topic so much to be completely honest.. i think the two of you should do a more unique and outrageous piece cuz it seems to me whenever you collab the topics are always plain and un-original..

Pak- This has to be one of my least faveroite verses i've seen you write in a long time, though, it was still well written and had all the concepts, but i know that you are way more capable and your abilities exceed what you had displayed here... you had a very nice structure and flow in this verse and it all strung together nicely.. i think that was your strongest point in this drop.. though, it seemed to me that you did not emit enough strength in your multis and rhymes as u usually do in your previous pieces. this may be a result of a poor topic. Not my fav drop but still good.

Omega- This is an average piece for your skill level, i think your verse matched up with Pak's nicely and you both were on the same level.. i love how you have your own unique structure style every time you write, and it helps the flow alot. i believe your strongest point in this verse was your emotion, your feelings shined in result of your meaningful approach on the topic... but, you too seemed to do poorly on your multis and rhyming and over all abstract writing along with pak... good work and decent verse.

I think the two of you would have been better off with a different topic choice, but you did very well with the one that you did choose. i've seen better from the both of you that's for sure.. if you feel like it, if you see a piece in my sig that you havent left feed on, feel free to do so.. thanks and keep it up.

[Omega.]

yea i felt lazy in this topic and i understand you feeling on this and it is true i was real and madly tired and had a writers bloack half way through....also i think paka...

but woot man thanks

[P. Mortuus]

lol..thanks at the commetns T, i wasn't tired or mad...i was trying to write 2 verse for 2 different topics at once lol.

[P. Mortuus]

I just noticed you cut off my closer because i had dissed the girl lol

[Omega.]

lmfao.....yup i did....

[P. Mortuus]

lmfao.....yup i did....

Man i liked those parts, the girl was a skant ass whore lol...jokin'

[Omega.]

lmfao the battles are set peep it out on RV...lol


ok people upping this lets get some feed i know it aint the best of our writing

[Engivale]

Umm.... I thought this was pretty well done, rhymescheme, wise. I lliked Pak's verse more, I guess, because he went for the multies so much and I don't see that much out of him, it was tight. And Omega, I almost always read anything with your name on it, you always write good stuff, this was solid, but I guess I have to agree that it might have been a little uninspired. You still carried a flow, that wasn't a problem, it just never went anywhere.

Overall, it was enjoyable, I mean, I'm pretty drunk and I managed to concentrate quite well on this because it was just rhythmically written well... Or maybe just to the song I was just listening to when I read it. In either case...

Good job?

[Omega.]

lol....well thanks my dude!...much appreciated!

[P. Mortuus]

Grazie

[M-A-D]

plenty of imagry and emotion especially your take on the topic and i really like how yall seperated the concept and showed how much variety there was in the topic vocabulary could've be better and some of the wording but other then that solid drop

[Illus']

Pakaveli -

Ok hmm your content was pretty good, I like some
usage of vocabulary to express what the character
was viewing. The role you scripted was pretty good
not too good though I think you could have done better.
More emotion would have made you part really good.
The rhyme scheme in the middle portion fell off a bit
but don't be upset at that rhyme scheme is not that
important as imagery and emotion believe that.
Overall ok drop.


Omega-

Nice verse I felt yours a bit more , nice imagery
emotion as well. Your flow stayed on point making
it even a much smooth read. Can't sa much else.
Some advise I guess try to use more of a poetic
scheme as I was told. Mix it up a bit.



Collab wise this was ok the two verses
togther together wasn't great but ok.