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Thread: Guns Playing with People...POW!

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    Exclamation Guns Playing with People...POW!

    ...


    Dreary eyed, snatched from dreams; by the window beams clear sun
    As digitized alarm tones pound painfully upon eardrums,
    The gun gets gripped at once - acting on this verdict to fear none,
    He hears one omen only for a moment, so maybe he’ll spare some
    If they dare come before him speaking of GOD in a rare tongue
    For the rest its square one, returned to dust in a box resting
    Plus, he’s not taking checks from cops,
    ……………………………swearing: “I’ll tear them fucking vests in”
    Mothers call him evil for smiting their kin, saying “he aint act right”
    Brothers feel the Eagle & share its appetite; his games’ latch tight
    Shining in spotlights, prepared to raise more hairs than a catfight,
    With indiscriminate aims at the naive, he doesn’t wait for pains to linger,
    The hammer cocks back by itself, then the trigger blames the finger
    When it maims a sure stranger near his doorstep, the whore wept…
    As her left nipple bled, then gushed thus turning the floor red
    Two feet fled, yet two weeks later feds trailed some footsteps…
    Tore down a door “come on you bastard where’s the guns & goods kept?
    Couldn’t find shit hid in the closet, so had the whole damn hood swept,
    Protect & serve, hacking his nerves, blood on his shoes, he deserves ten,
    Neck on the verge, wrecked by an urge, sunk in a basin of disturbed men
    While his supposed friend the Evil Eagle plots in dense undergrowth,
    Cold-hearted, muffled - & snub-nosed, so he’ll stay silent under oath,

    No plea of guilty,
    Son is Scot-free,

    9½ weeks later: the Eagle falls tragically into the hands of a teenager,
    As Evil feels his grip - a hollow-tip automatically engages the chamber…

    POW!
    Game Over
    .
    .................................................. ......................

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    .................................................. ......................

  3. #3
    i liked this piece nice flow and structutre vocan was good hot multies and overall a good piece keep it up man

    peace

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! A.O.D's Avatar
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    The flow was very nice on this one. The story line was basic and there wasn't any real twist in this. But it was still a good drop.
    I'm not back...I'm simply bored out of my mind.
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  5. #5
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Nice nice...story telling weaved into street flow. I liked this quite an old school cursed object forces person type storyline that's reflecting on the gun crime of the past and present generations. I liked that. The way you described each line made the event/s taking place even more vivid and i was attentive throughout the whole piece. Overall, this was a very good piece on some real ish...Stay up na mean.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    YEAH THAnx for those looks. and yeah AOD the twist of the plot WAS in the GUN being in control of the situation. the gun doing its own thing u feel me. like it give a person juice...


    yah wrote this real quickly ya

    ppz
    +
    .................................................. ......................

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Masta Shake's Avatar
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    Nice shit man,7.5/10.maybe 8/10--

    Best lines:
    As digitized alarm tones pound painfully upon eardrums,
    The gun gets gripped at once - acting on this verdict to fear none,
    My Battle Record:
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    Eminem,Just Dont Give a Fuck

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    Ima money usa....stealin money from you loosa..

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    ^word. aiite i'll accept the 8/... or go on push it to 8.5 even.lol

    pz
    .................................................. ......................

  9. #9
    . . . Tragedian.'s Avatar
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    nice man i like all of your drops that i have read....this one was very creative...nice twist in the story..stuck to the topic very welll....flowed very nice didnt fall....multies were there..and were crazy as fuck....wordplay and vocab were real good...strutre was kinda meh...couldve been alot more better i`ll say that homie lol...really nice...man keep up im likeing all ur drops and shit.....thanks for the feed...
    Empire

  10. #10
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    not bad for a quick write my man. It's always entertaining when I stop in for a read. keep up the good shit..


    I'm not feeling this as much as the last peice I peeped from you, but it was a decent read

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  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    yeah thanx for the lookout dj i see you be stacking up sum om's for sure recently ill sure check some out n get back to u soon,

    yeah safe Bounce for checking ish out... i just quickly merge certain real life events together at times n flip it to rhyme form... yeah 1 my peeps pops a chick passing by , in the nipple. by mistake tho. nugga gets 10. ....1 of many

    pz

    pz
    .................................................. ......................

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