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Thread: Copernicus, you idiot

  1. #1
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Copernicus, you idiot



    ‘Stop, listen, don’t make a noise, this is vital
    Your survival, could depend on this recital
    Elbows on the ground, crawl without a sound
    Goddamn it men, you’re being too loud
    Do you want to die? And make your children cry?’


    With a sigh , I look up to the sky, full of stress
    Is this what I want to do? My life is a mess
    Blessed, with a loving family, I threw it away
    So I could say, I did my part for my nation
    That no longer matters, I’m growing impatient
    Sick of this desert, of all the sleepless nights
    All our stupid fights, we’re sacrificing our lives
    For what? So we will be remembered as heroes?
    I feel like an unwanted car, my mileage is zero
    Nothing I have done in life, has ever been right
    This solemn and lonely plight, is without sense
    But still I’m on the fence, I don’t know what to do
    So I’m praying to you, please aid me in my struggle

    ‘Reload quickly, believe me men, this is no game
    Ok now aim, pull the trigger, your life won’t be the same
    The thrill is indescribable, you’re clearing the scum
    Now stop day dreaming, and start cleaning your gun’


    While I shove this rod, in and out of the grimy barrel
    I think of Carol, and my children miles away, at home
    Dreamingly I roam, around our army camp, alone
    Walking with a limp, the repercussions of this war
    My whole body is sore, my heart, penetrated and tore
    By a feeling of loss, In my mind I’m reeling and lost
    Going nowhere, but my mind is all over the world
    My son and my baby girl. My gem and my pearl
    I walk absent minded, into a shooting pasture
    The words that I hear, make up my mind
    I hate the bastard, I’m gone from this life

    ‘Copernicus, You idiot. Move your fat ass
    Get off the grass, and go clean your firearm
    Now commence with the practice, aim higher Tom
    Copernicus, I said get off the damn, firing lawn’


    I'm gone
    Last edited by Witty; August 15th, 2006 at 12:33 PM

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    24 x OM Hall Of Fame

  2. #2
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Last edited by Witty; August 15th, 2006 at 08:07 AM

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  3. #3
    Talent. Omega.'s Avatar
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    this was sa great read and very well doe my dude from start to finish you had me going...very enjoyable and the storyline aswell....NICE.

    ‘Reload quickly, believe me men, this is no game
    Ok now aim, pull the trigger, your life won’t be the same
    The thrill is indescribable, you’re clearing the scum
    Now stop day dreaming, and start cleaning your gun’

    While I shove this rod,. in and out of the grimy barrel
    I think of Carol, and my children miles away, at home
    Dreamingly I roam, around our army camp, alone
    Walking with a limp, the repercussions of this war
    My whole body is sore, my heart, penetrated and tore
    By a feeling of loss, In my mind I’m reeling and lost
    Going nowhere, but my mind is all over the world
    My son and my baby girl. My gem and my pearl
    I walk absent minded, into a shooting pasture
    The words that I hear, make up my mind
    I hate the bastard, I’m gone from this life

    ‘Copernicus, You idiot. Move your fat ass
    Get off the grass, and go clean your firearm
    Now commence with the practice, aim higher Tom
    Copernicus, I said get off the damn, firing lawn’

    ^^
    the quotes and the choice of wordings and multies in this piece were great man..i aint got much to say im fuckin tired but nice man overall well done

    RTF on anylink in my sig
    Insane Joker Lyricists


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  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Here goes....

    This was a great piece...I like the new style its better than your old style...the flow in this was good it was so easy and fun to read....Vocabulary was good in this it was complexed and the rhymescheme was good, no strecthed lines wording of lines was good so no real problems......Overall this was an enjoyable piece to read and well done...Keep up!.
    SMOKEY

  5. #5
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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  6. #6
    Banned Vylint's Avatar
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    This is pretty good, i was confused i mean you could of not told anyone he was on the firing feild and left out hints and make it appear as tho it was a battle situation he was having these reflection on, but besides that everything else was dope. Good flow, word usuage, and all that. A decent read, but next time instead of pming me to read this shit just reply to my peice(s) with links, i always return the favor so i always expect it back.

  7. #7
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    thanks dude.

    bump

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  8. #8
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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  9. #9
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Don't sleep you bunch of worthless faggots


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  10. #10
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Another good piece here. I didn't much like the first verse, it sounded awkard to me, don't know why i didn't see anythign wronng with it technically but it did...anyway that was the negativity there so lets move on to the positivty shall we....I liked how you showedthe2 characters that was clever and though done before always makes the reader feel at home being able to see themselves there and witness the whole act being played out. Something i liked was nearing the last verse from the general w/e when he said out the title, i like pieces that's title fit in and this pieces title fitted in perfectly...it's a shame really but maybe this piece is a reflection of some of the current soldiers in the present situation...Overall, a good piece no doubt, Stay up and carry on striving to write.

    (By the way i'm leaving the smiley cause it makes me laguh everytime i look at it, don't know why though lol)

    Last edited by P. Mortuus; August 16th, 2006 at 01:06 AM

  11. #11
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    done

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  12. #12
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    bump

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  13. #13
    . . . Tragedian.'s Avatar
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    With a sigh , I look up to the sky, full of stress
    Is this what I want to do? My life is a mess
    nice shit man......nothin to bitch about in this drop...it was pretty much perfect...u had amazing flow i mean like flowed perfect on every line...the multies were just great u had atleast one on every line...this was fuckin creative i must say i have yet read a drop like this in om....the topic was fuckin amazing man...good fuckin job would u mind leaving feed on a drop or two of mine...thanks if u do..keep up man
    Empire

  14. #14
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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  15. #15
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    Ack, good piece, but not distinguished from your other pieces, I mean this reminded me so much of the Hello, Mr. President one with all the gun and reloading propaganda in it. All that jazz, ya'know? Nevertheless, still an awesome piece with some good imagery in it, and not much to say about the vocabulary, basic and I saw that you threw in a couple of fancy shmancy words in there, but none really. I still liked it though, it was very deep, and emotion wise, touching bro.

    Good job.

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