WorK Of Art

[Tragedian.]

When we first met it was nothing but hate..
not knowing that soon love would await..
after tam u gave me a clean slate...and now look at us..
we still get into some fights we still sit there an cuss...
but now were closer than ever..and i wouldnt change a thing..
i dont know what it is..maybe its the love that you bring...
that makes me wanna give you an engagement ring...
to me our love is more than a thing..and i want to last for eva...
gettin you made me feel cleva...and now im yours till death..
and im gonna keep that way..even if it means my last breath..
sabrina you got me hooked worse than crystal meth..
your everything to me..i`ll do anything for me to prove...
sure talkin to moe i may disapprove..me & you now is just the opening move...
but you've aleady stole my heart...no matter what this wont fall apart..
and for you...i`ll admit im soft deep down at heart...
but to me your truly the best thing ever....the best work of art

[Tragedian.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...21#post4821421
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...55#post4821455

[<Supreme>]

and im gonna keep that way..even if it means my last breath..
sabrina you got me hooked worse than crystal meth..

but you've aleady stole my heart...no matter what this wont fall apart..
and for you...i`ll admit im soft deep down at heart...
but to me your truly the best thing ever....the best work of art

this is a passionate piece, i liked th emotion u put in2 this
th flow is consistent, and the rhyming is gd thruout
u obviously like sabrina, and for u 2 put her name in2 ur oms shows tht
keep up

[Engivale]

Not bad. It just sickens to me to read all the under 20 guys on here talking about being in love and wanting to get married. I did the EXACT same thing and wrote about the girls like they were my entire world and I would do anything for them.

I Don't talk to any of those bitches anymore and threw away every sheet of paper I wrote about them on.

You'll do the same. Young love hurts, but it's not crippling. Good luck with the whole 'love' thing. Don't let in envelop your thoughts or behavior. It's not healthy at your age, my brother.

Stay up. Hit my recent piece if u can, just for kix. It's more or less about what love is like when you grow up after being infatuated with the wrong person when you're too young. Should be a decent read for our younger audience.

[Tragedian.]

thanks upp

[Tragedian.]

upp

[-IsIs-]

wasnt bad..it was very passionate which made it nice to read. the originality was alright i guess kinda been talked about. but it was still new compared to some of the passionate pieces now. the vocab was allrgith, same with the rhyme scheme, a little simple but it stuck with th epiece nicely. keep it up i liked it.

[Cody Nash]

its not bad, but its poorly written. the topics average and is written on a lot, so its deffinatly not original. you could've gotten more into the emotion, but then again its harder to do with these things. Using peoples names like moe lol, we don't know who that is, so go deeper into that or something. explain who he is while you flow your words together and how you like or dislike him. we want to see all the emotion, not half or a portion of it ..keep going, you'll get it.

- Nash

[Jon]

Uh, first off, what the hell?

This was more of a note, maybe you should describe the "work of art" to us. What makes her so beautiful, what seperates her from the rest? You get the idea, too simplistic. I'm not going to be much harsher because you're newer to the OM section. But if you're going to write a love "note" and post it, make it extraordinary. This was too quick in my opinion to call her a work of art. Other than this.. You had decent multies, some seemed forced and misplaced. You really need to work on your grammer, I hate to say it, but some of these things can help your emotion, because in my short time of reading this, I kind of got bored. Disregaurding me totally being a dick, you did decent for a newcomer, but people like me have to be harsh on you in order for you to know what it will take to elevate to your potential. Keep writing, good luck.

[Tragedian.]

upp