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Thread: Social Disorder Syndrome... Featuring Pakaveli.......

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    Social Disorder Syndrome... Featuring Pakaveli.......




    Twenty thousand thoughts a second; employ exertion of words as weapons,
    Crazed concepts contort skull segments, a sequence set via excellence,
    My third eye never squints on the glint of sunrays, no need for tints…
    As I feed on obscure links between me & mint - crystal Heavens
    Of sentiment meant to repent – all hell bent sinners sunk in self-decadence
    Since day-dot – I played plots like hip-hop-scotch served on spliced rocks
    Ice chilled, stirred, but not shaken or grilled; avoid bacon like cops…
    Because, too much pork-chop & mad beef could lead to blood clots,
    Plus, teeth would probably rot if not properly protected from acid blocks,
    Not a New Jack…in the City I learnt classic blocks prior to applying attack,
    View how I grew black, teacher taught me to win fights lying flat on my back,
    You can trust relying on fact is a must in this gluttonous globe growing fat
    Knowing that… world war tactics are simply sidetracks for morose sinning acts
    Evilly enacted by bureaucratic bastards bitching bout taxes,
    Man plans to melt moon-dust, plus gloom the sun; thus shifting our axis…
    Until at last, the atlas dies by sadness in the hands of present people’s practice
    Martial art tricks are part of this impartial heart that ticks…& tics…antics
    Manifesting stressed chronic lines, etchings on my face depict symbolic signs
    The script unwinds, freezes in-fact… for I focus a forecast dim as onyx mines,
    I witness despair as witless…-souls are stripped bare, & left scared shitless
    Dear populace fear ominous curses & face deaths glare due-to a once rare sickness
    Thru the thickness of my skin I move with slickness; journeying jagged roads
    Wearing torn clothes, weary worn & exposed I tiptoe close to panics most…
    Intense ironic host… appearing indistinct in the form of a frantic ghost
    Overdosed grossly on doped cult – free providence & poison poultry,
    Society’s choices are paltry; votes are weak, so speaks the voice of poetry...*

    10 times ten is a hundred the amount of mistakes and blunders
    Man plunders through the world of Gods so the black sky thunders
    Under the rainbow you see the adversity of mechanical humanity
    Materialistic thoughts given thought but life is easily lost speedily
    I view through my other eye to view the vie land platonically sound
    Ground coffee beans made through means of human esteem demeaned
    Leaned my hand to catch you fall, to stall the Kodak moment extensively
    Frequently the taxes are raised by the judiciary for means of hypocrisy
    So I watch occasionally to plan & hold the means to attack close to hand
    Hand in hand I colour the bland canvas make it grand, then rubbish the land
    Tip one then tip another I split brother from brother, I’m the president material
    Because I fight the cause with problems I change the laws and spy by Arial
    So vote me I’ll start a war and go down in history as the democratic deity
    Mystery of battalions finding no weaponry will be covered quite cleverly
    Lastly, I now enact the illusion, the mirage of a charitable contribution
    The situation will be hidden from the population, lies & ironical fusion
    I’ll miscarriage the intuition of professors by economical amendment
    In the last segment I hope to attract the true American fragment
    If you want a True and Just America, vote for me yours sincerely
    …Mr. President



    Social Fucking Disorder

    1
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  2. #2
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    .................................................. ......................

  3. #3
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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  4. #4
    Soule
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    lol @ Both leaving one link.

    The wordplay was nice. Very mature and tat is great to do to bring in the reades closer to enjoying a OM. The flow went very well through the whole peice. That is also something you want to do in a OM. I liked the creativty you used. That was nice and gave it a good touch. The imaganery was wonderfull as well. Put some images in my head. The structre was nice but the lines were kinda stretched. Which was inda meh. The story you all used was good. I liked to read this. Enjoyed it. 9-10. Keep writing.

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  5. #5
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    thanks appreciate the comments

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    ф»¤Tier One Crew¤«ф Summit Ave.'s Avatar
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    Vortex, you had a good read. Stretched but i enjoyed this. Vocab was good. The imagery and emotion was a great addition to this read. Pakaveli, this was another good peice.., yet once again lol. The wordplay was creative, the vocabulary was above average. Your structure was solid. Nice collab guy's. This was an excellent Read.

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    You've Earned a Custom Title! Gman91's Avatar
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    i like how u put that shit together the shit was hot props
    niggaz real niggaz fly niggaz hood

  8. #8
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    appreciate all the comments, thanks
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    yeah thanx for the looks out. yeah i gotta stretchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhh those lines just so i can put the real emotion and image forward..... well most times neways

    word
    .................................................. ......................

  10. #10
    Soule
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    lol.

  11. #11
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    I really think vortex forced pak to up his game here. Good idea guys, vortex has long been on his way to dopeness, dude has been consistant and doing really well in SS. I knew what I would get out of reading oen of his drops, but pak has just been stagnant in my opinion and I really wanted to see what this collab would bring to the table, where pak is concerened. I figured vortex would push pak to come hard and in the read I am certian that is what happened. Nice read from both, you guys complmented eachother well and I think outside of some minor bullshit, this was a rather good read. I have to say though, the schemes were rather predictable, but that is minor and I think with time will not be an issue.

    Good stuff gentlemen, it's been a pleasure watching both of you grow as writers here.

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  12. #12
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    thanks appreciate the comments.

  13. #13
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    ^^^
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

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    raisin
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