Key-style ..2

**Cut-thro@t** · August 8th, 2006, 12:16 PM

Bitch stop callin my phone cause we aint getting back,
You tried to fuck one of my friends , so bitch that’s that,
You must be stupid to think id hold you in my arms again,
I opened my heart for you, just to release the pain,
Now you, to my eyes are stained,
I should have refrained,
But my brain was taken over by this fucked up love game,
U were the predator I was the prey,
Getting closer to you each and everyday,
Like a kid again, in the ground were we play,
As your presence sunk deep in my mind to stay,
Causeing damage and its here were you betrayed,
So dont rock the boat, dont rock the cradle,
Im a man on the edge n im so unstable,
At the most,You’re a phantom to me now a ghost,
Ive redirected the mail and you’ve been send back in the post,
So as I stand here I raise my glass to you for a toast,
now im free as a bird that’s set to rome the coast,...

**kid sick.** · August 8th, 2006, 12:17 PM

You posted this already and it was closed. You dont learn? Read the rule's.

**Cut-thro@t** · August 8th, 2006, 12:18 PM

Wat Fukin Rules.. It Sayz Open Mic So Im Posting Something Fuckin Hell Its Not Rocket Science Is It

**Cut-thro@t** · August 8th, 2006, 12:19 PM

Wat Do I Have 2 Do 2 Be Able 2 Post A Freestyle In The Freestyle Section,..

**kid sick.** · August 8th, 2006, 12:23 PM

It isnt a "freestyle" section. Read other om's and learn kid. There was a reason your shit was just closed. It isnt rocket science is it?

**Cut-thro@t** · August 8th, 2006, 12:27 PM

Key-style W/eva

**Cut-thro@t** · August 8th, 2006, 12:32 PM

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...9&page=1&pp=15

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...39#post4809139

**P. Mortuus** · August 8th, 2006, 03:37 PM

hmmm..this wasn't bas in the essence but because your new to rb/rhyming you couldn't express it the way you may have done. Their wasn't anything in this for the reader to latch on to or be awed by. It's been done again and again but yeah it's descent just try and use more imagery i.e. description will help as it paints pictures in readers minds and grasp them into the whole story/feel of the particular piece. Overall, i reckon this piece could be made better and welcome to RB.

**-IsIs-** · August 8th, 2006, 04:33 PM

meh. this was alright. the rhymin was clear but it was simple in the scheme. throw more multies and more challanging words to rhyme with in there. and keep the structure tight or the reader will get lost with the flow. speakin of the flow it was pretty good. keep em comin. you got potential.