Letting Loose: Illus. .ft Nique

[Nique.]

Illus. .]
Blades bruised days of long are strap, toll heavily from ankles to back
shoulders collapse, inevitable dark river has me vulnerable to attacks.
In fact I'm a soldier of strength yet my patience is fatigued ,
and believe I've been in ongoing battles that no warrior can conceive .
You see deadly oppositions were waged not my flesh yet my thoughts,
of course my family were the prey when blood was forced.
My Sis on the suicidal tip, my ex one blink from the brink of death.
therefor my fist connects towards any head causing me stress.
An upheaval when my pops left, I so despise, my mother's heart deprived.
We all face challenges knife, yet my wounds are poked on rainy nights.
I have pain that remain inside. A love tamed from a dam that lied.
Hurt won’t reside. Hurricanes storm my mine, a storm that has suffice.
Furry death lies in the black hole of my eyes when all my grandparents died.
Rage has me blind, knuckles ready to rumble, pummel on the earth why ?
tears coagulated, from a emotional war-like bloody perspective of things.
Me lashing gives me peace even if letting loose abolishes everything

Nique

I'm powerless, simply I'm just so sour with envy,
Just overpowered and empty, while life is piling against me,
And the coward that's in Nique? Sitting for years as a choice,
Inching so near to end the tears, and the fear in my voice,
Wishing an end to the noise, but I wither, so jealous,
That the bigger I become. . .the more I'm bitter, rebellious,
I'm just a figure that tells it. I've been dismembered in worst ways,
Try having a father who was a friend. .& couldn't remember ur birthdays,
Or an abusive stepdad. . .yet we pardon the type,
Maybe a mother who works too hard to be apart of your life,
It's like the harder I fight, the more I'm stuck in a shadow,
Backed in a corner with no outlets, and crushed in the battles,
I'm like an art gallery that's closed, and the paintings concealed,
Or a story that can't be made up, cuz the pain is too real,
So now I'm aiming to steal time, so treachorous too,
I've been embedded in truths, and now I'm letting it loose.

[Nique.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...19#post4806519

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...43#post4806843

[cLOUD9]

ill shit from both ya... stay up

real smooth flow ill lryics nice shit

[Old Man]

You give some of the shittiest feed I have ever sen Cloud

Well, what we have here is a wonderful display of topical writing, along with a great story. I really enjoyed this topic and I loved many of the things you did with it. Illus....you write with a passion that many writers my age don't really understand and being that you're so young, it's wonderful to see and you really do it well. I think the lines may have been too long in your verse, but then it may have been essential for the imagery that you definately have in your verse here. Now, Nique I have to say you are a great writer as well and although I felt that Illus had the better verse of the two, I can still see the emotion and imagery in your verse portrayed quite nicely as well. Both of you have wonderful wording and diction which is quite important. Excellent read guys, keep it up!

-Old Man (please feed on one of mine)

[El Deciple]

Okay man dope calabo you both held strong and important points emc's like y'all are an diein breed I loved the figurative language and how you described the deep feelings you felt and the imagery was great ...I was definently feeling ya flow good job to the both of ya

[Nique.]

Thanks my dudes.

[Illus']

Thanks for feed didn't know this was
up. Sorry Nique .



More feed woukd be appreciated.

[TProphet]

woah Bio actually finished a collab ;-]

yeah, nice piece.. both came pretty much dope

Illus.. your 1st two lines hold probaly the only thing i could find wrong with your part.. i didnt really like the wording.. was kind of forced.. but you picked it up from there.. nice flow and a level of emotion was there throughout, but..
I have pain that remain inside. A love tamed from a dam that lied.
Hurt won’t reside. Hurricanes storm my mine, a storm that has suffice.
Furry death lies in the black hole of my eyes when all my grandparents died.
Rage has me blind, knuckles ready to rumble, pummel on the earth why ?
tears coagulated, from a emotional war-like bloody perspective of things.
Me lashing gives me peace even if letting loose abolishes everything
It's a lot to quote but all through them particular lines at the end.. your emotion just poured out coupled with some good imagery.. nicely written

Nique..
You made the transition between Bio's part and yours very smooth with how smooth your flow is.. and you made the emotion in the piece very easily felt because of some of the ways your worded your lines..
And the coward that's in Nique? Sitting for years as a choice,
Inching so near to end the tears, and the fear in my voice,
Wishing an end to the noise, but I wither, so jealous,
That the bigger I become. . .the more I'm bitter, rebellious,
sick lines

Nice piece both of you

[Illus']

W00T

ty for the reply Proph yeah Lol @ me finishing a
collab.

don't worry my Hip Hop one will be done.

[Vylint]

Illus-

"My Sis on the suicidal tip, my ex one blink from the brink of death.
therefor my fist connects towards any head causing me stress.
An upheaval when my pops left, I so despise, my mother's heart deprived.
We all face challenges knife, yet my wounds are poked on rainy nights."


This was a dope verse. your flow went pretty good for the most part, the inners and multis moved along a long-line style. The unessisary vocab made it some parts wordy, but most the vocab made it a level higher cause used correctly. Overall dope shit.


Nique-


"I'm powerless, simply I'm just so sour with envy,
Just overpowered and empty, while life is piling against me,
And the coward that's in Nique? Sitting for years as a choice,
Inching so near to end the tears, and the fear in my voice,
Wishing an end to the noise, but I wither, so jealous,
That the bigger I become. . .the more I'm bitter, rebellious,
I'm just a figure that tells it. I've been dismembered in worst ways,
Try having a father who was a friend. .& couldn't remember ur birthdays,
Or an abusive stepdad. . .yet we pardon the type,
Maybe a mother who works too hard to be apart of your life,
It's like the harder I fight, the more I'm stuck in a shadow,
Backed in a corner with no outlets, and crushed in the battles,
I'm like an art gallery that's closed, and the paintings concealed,
Or a story that can't be made up, cuz the pain is too real,
So now I'm aiming to steal time, so treachorous too,
I've been embedded in truths, and now I'm letting it loose."

seriously nique, all shit aside till i die you fuckin killed this. Wow. everything was dope. the flow, the content was made deep, multis littered the peice and really got things goin, and i could feel the pain at the end there. WOO.
dope shit


good stuff you two, very sick collab, illus set the tone and nique beheaded the monster.

9/10


I expect ya'll to drop a comment on my shit.

[Illus']

Appreciate the feed..


Thanks.

[c4d]

Good