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Thread: Killers Metabolism

  1. #1
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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    Killers Metabolism

    The unsolved mystery.

    Rushing and gushing evil blood, pumped through veins
    It remains the same, even throughout perpetual change
    The mortal reaper, is the seeker of carnage and remorse
    Captivating urges to altering, gods’ configured course
    Following the satanic quarrels, swallowing all morals
    Wanting to be laurel, eardrums pop at sound of chorals
    No regret, of what was upset, during this evil ritual
    Adding abet, to the bloody cassette, was just habitual
    Destruction of all good, eruption of a devil’ actions
    Reduction of being “hood”, production of a sin faction


    Stopping at nothing
    ….willing to kill
    To become something
    ….still with chill


    Farfetched a tale of consumption outstretched soul assumption
    Etched in the history, death unknown, no known presumption
    He swallows whole, the souls, of the honest and caring
    The only goal, is to dull, the lives, of those who are daring
    Never stopping to realize, the lives that are being crushed
    Those devilish eyes, can never see the system being rushed
    For only the characteristic, of the sadistic man has portrayed
    The need, to succeed in the, bloody unveiling of his array
    Knowing, that pain that he’s caused, but he never paused
    While the process called at his cells that continued to gnaw


    Organisms can change as do people.

    The process had turned, from taking into, to giving out
    For years he had yearned for that persistent deadly shout
    The crunching at the back of his pupils, couldn’t be stood
    The munching at his brain by Satan, wouldn’t be good
    However, he has an excuse, a so medical condition
    A terribly awful plague, of a strange killing ambition
    Sneaking, and peeking, reeking of bloods’ stench
    Leaking the need, to lynch his notorious clinch
    To fit his bodies’ desires, he needs to always perform
    Prolonging the retirement, of his “personal” reform


    And so the condition is finally uncovered.

    Always the tests, and conclusions had came to none
    The condition is Metabolism, the killer has a high one

  2. #2

  3. #3
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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    upping for feed

  4. #4
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    this was pretty good
    i only read the first part

    the vocabulary was nice
    too nice
    i didnt understand half the song

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  5. #5
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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    thanks.

    upping for more feed

  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    WEll a very interesting read....this had a feel to it and i liked the vocabulary and rythm, the certain multiple rhymes added to the flow and gave the reader more to graps on to. Similary the imagery was very interesting and practically upheld the piece to a certain level. The ending was alsogood as it gave a sense of conclusion and ultimacy to the reader. Not much more to say, this was overall a good piece stay up.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  7. #7
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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    thanks for feed.

    upping.

  8. #8
    ф»¤Tier One Crew¤«ф Summit Ave.'s Avatar
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    This was a interesting read as pakaveli said. Good use of vocab skill's and wordplay. Very interesting / gory opener lol. It had a good rhythm to it. The ending gave a great smmary to the reader an concluded it the read. This was a good peice, keep them coming

    -Mc Mystique

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  9. #9
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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    thanks for feed.

    up.

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    yeah i was reading this for real yesterday. and. was mos def feelin it.. flow ws nicee. vocab was executed with deftness... format and structure was worked tigt=htly.........
    rhyming ills was dope.........concept was delt with in deepness and added originality to the read.

    the hook was.ok.coulda been better tho.. bit short n simple....... b ok.......


    i got a bit lost on a few lines. maybe in need of some re-wording.--like--

    While the process called at his cells that continued to gnaw

    just dont seem right in my view....
    i was thinking there's another line like that somewhere . but cant see it now. so anyway,. dope drop still.

    i dont know if your new for real. or just a new name ????????, seems like it deserves best rookie spot at-least
    props

    pz1
    .................................................. ......................

  11. #11
    TNL Clee's Avatar
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    thanks for feed

    upp

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