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Thread: ...Am I Guilty...?

  1. #1
    ..defined eradication.. Relli_Mak's Avatar
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    ...Am I Guilty...?

    An articulate and respected individual who's secrets are appalling
    Up 2 GOD I'm calling, life moving fast but it seems like I'm crawling
    (Am I Guilty?)
    Intentionally, why did I choose to rob that man of his possessions
    Was it my mental adolescence, or me exhibiting my inner criminal essence
    (Am I Guilty?)
    However, once I even tampered w/ a woman who was legally taken
    She divorced, got her pregnant, then I left, leaving her lethally aching
    (Am I Guilty?)
    Also, lets not forget my duties as a curb pharmacist
    Kept my boy mom doped up, then had the nerve to charm his sis
    (Am I Guilty?)
    Sadly, I shot the guy after jacking his whip for the 22's
    I'm ashamed to say, I knew him then told him mom of the tragic news
    (Am I Guilty?)
    These are just a few incidents mentioning some of my bad times
    After committing everyone, I went home and composed some sad rhymes
    (Am I Guilty?)
    For someone so intelligent and driven, how could this be?
    When my resume lists many jobs, military service, and a college degree
    (Am I Guilty?)
    To walk a day in my shoes, man, if you only knew
    The main question is, is this story really true
    (Am I Guilty...Nah)
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  2. #2
    ..defined eradication.. Relli_Mak's Avatar
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  3. #3
    ..defined eradication.. Relli_Mak's Avatar
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  4. #4
    Los Milagros Stunee's Avatar
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    Feelin the finish to say the least. Man YOU GUILTY! Give it up, lol, just playin. I like how it breaks to that question, although the bars self, were to simple, even with the vocab use. To predictable, but the story telling made it good. It woulda been cool if you kept going, it was sounding pretty good. You got the rhyme scheme down, kept it flowing good, and the overall structure could use a LITTLE work. I think the creativity on the subject was tight, and the only thing I'd say, is use more effort in building the bars, and it'd be even better. Stay up doggy.

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  5. #5
    ..defined eradication.. Relli_Mak's Avatar
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    Uppin for more feed...
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  6. #6
    ..defined eradication.. Relli_Mak's Avatar
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    Uppin for feed, peeps...will return the favor...
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  7. #7
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    yo i liked this you got potenial to be a great storyteller the next pac man keep this coming

    AI

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  8. #8
    ..defined eradication.. Relli_Mak's Avatar
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    'ppreciate the feed peeps...Uppin again...for more...
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  9. #9
    ..defined eradication.. Relli_Mak's Avatar
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    Damn, a nig can't get some feed or comments...uppin
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  10. #10
    ..defined eradication.. Relli_Mak's Avatar
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    Same...uppin...
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  11. #11
    ..defined eradication.. Relli_Mak's Avatar
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  12. #12
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    this was alright i didnt like the (Am I Guilty?) between almost everyline
    rhymes were good. iight multies. flow was smooth throughout
    vocab was pretty good. imagery was alright coulda been better
    i see you have potential to be pretty good. just elevate on strucutre
    vocab and imagery. that would help u. peace

  13. #13
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    this piece was beautiful it could ve a been at little more complexed with wording more multies but i loved and if was longer because i was just getting into it when it was over

    much love
    M.O.A.S
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    74 folkin 4 eva
    Lyrically Destined

  14. #14
    ..defined eradication.. Relli_Mak's Avatar
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  15. #15
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    bleh this was alright, nothing special at all, and not 'certified' as you put it. If this is your best you have a long way to go still. Keep elevating my man.

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