American Dream.

[Jay Walker]

saw some ish on tv that sparked this. enjoy...

in the lolo, witta dutch, so we burnin the dro slow
fuck the popo, we cant be fucked, n they know so
hammer the clutch, n bust that shit into fifth
sippin a fifth with no chaser, straight gettin it stiff
i'm the one thats choose tottin funds of gold
gotta hundred ho's. when suddenly the sun explodes
awakened...
by a constant pain that takes over my brain through my ears
my eyes open seein bodies of blood n pools of peers
i hear whistles over the ringing, cleared as mortar's drop
i picture my mom crying, dying inside of the coroners shop
horror stalks. chaos n violence bombard as the sirens alarm
my best friends chest's splits and then divides from his arm
blood, guts and mud bust in the air like fireworks
bombs open throwin a million pieces of lead inside our shirts
dying lurks as i'm hurt, but my vest bested the lead n
i look down to see my legs lessened by weapons
the few that survived are lined by the enemy, desiring god
dogged n spat upon, then executed by firing squads
a solider knocks on my mothers door back in america
hands her a letter, n says we're here to care for ya
the first couple nights, she cant even sleep
for weeks her souls damaged and its bleedin deep
now every morning she mourns, no more foldgers man she
dreams of me dying, like every other fallen soliders family
n damn g, it needs to be aware n then seen
bush has givin our country this new american dream

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...38#post4763838
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...66#post4763866

[Erupt]

OMFGZZ !!! DOPE ASS VOCAB AND FLOW YO!!!

nah but for real.. I liked it and dunno how to give proper OM feedback.. all I can say is it was deep and I really liked it... nice man

[Jay Walker]

lol, i know right. thanks though. im ripped and tired though. im out. holllllleeeeerrrrrrr.

[Engivale]

I thought at first, oh no, here we go, a bunch of thug bullshit.

Then I kept reading.

And the flow on this was fucking crazy good, man, I would almost never take anything on this site and want to rap it cuz I think the general flow of it sucks, but I was into this a lot. Topic was kinda not my gig, but even so, it went great and I just wanna say it was a good job b4 I go to bed.

Don't even have a favorite part, really, you never once let up on the rhymescheme or the multi-design, and kept it going line-to-line with great use of inverts. None of it seemed forced or overdone, you kept it simple to understand, but still I think used some great vocab and an intelligent voice with some very clear direction behind it.

Hit any of my stuff up if you get the time, I think you'd like a lot of it.

[Jay Walker]

thanks.

[P. Mortuus]

This was good, though the title has been used in someway before i just can't remember which piece anyway back to this piece, The flow of this piece was good as the words rolled of the tounge very easily adn the rhymeschem assisted in carrying out that flow and keeping your rhymes going. Vocab in parts was a lil simplicit but the main description was very good. This is more of a political statement and i like this kinda stuff. The start wasn't promising but the switch and opening of eyes concept was donw very well. Overall, i liked this om, it was an enjoyable read..Stay up.
.
Also, i would preciate it if you could hit up my new om, "The Coffee soldiers"
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=302883

[Jay Walker]

thanks bro. i gotta dip for work now, but when i get home, i'll check ya shit out.

[Jay Walker]

dont be :homo:

[Jay Walker]

wow. this shit was ill.

10/10!!!

[Split]

God damn this had flow. The first bar or two had me kind of worried, but the fluidity of the rhyme kept me reading. This was actually.. Enjoyable. I liked reading it. Insane amount of multi's and backwards rhymes and all sorts of other rhythmic phenomenae.. Definately good shit.
The meaning was felt as well. I was in the army for a couple years, so this hit close to home with me. I have friends missing legs and shit.. They arn't proud that they lost their limbs in bush's fucking war, either. You caught exactly what all of us soldiers were feeling. good job.

9/10

I'm thinking of nominating this. Very good drop.

hit this up if you get the chance; It's called "A poem begot of tequila"

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...12#post4768712

[Jay Walker]

wow, i got a reply. thanks man, i'll hit your shit up now.

[Stunee]

Hey man, this the kinda shit Im talkin about eh. You seriously killed it with the wordplay and imagery, nice job. Spitting true shit, on a perfect flow, and good structure. You rapping on topic, and keeping it on point was dope. Everyone is starting to see it, the reality the life...its changing, but noone wants to accept it. Fuck it, im just blabbing shit...really feelin this piece, stay up.

[Ack Scent]

This was very deep, not a ton of vocabulary, or metas or too much of anything so it didn't take away from the verse. you started off slow and I thought it was a net thug type of verse, but I continued and the storyline unfolded and I couldn't help but think, "this shits dope." I really enjoyed reading this piece from beginning to end. nice shit yo. keep dropping.

[Jay Walker]

thx

[Jay Walker]

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